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Showing posts with label single parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label single parenting. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

That very same year, on December 5, Trizila became little Kate's mother. From Parenting.com and CNN.com

Tue November 29, 2011
I have to thank the writer and interview participants of this article.
Single mom Jo Trizila didn't wait for the perfect man to start her family and encourages single women yearning for a child to 'go for it' like she did.
There was a time when gay parents and single adoptive mothers were unheard of, but the new norm is that almost anything works well as long as there's a dedicated adult and plenty of love.(SO GLAD TO HEAR THIS,AND READ ABOUT IT ON CNN!)
Christopher Fraley, 42, and Victor Self, 41, Parents of 20-month-old Coco.
Christopher Fraley and Victor Self became the first same-sex couple in Rye, New York, to legally wed. Coco, their daughter, was right by their side.
Fraley and Self met in 2003. "I saw kids in my life, and Chris did, too," Self remembers. Eventually, "we decided to get married," adds Fraley...

While their attitude toward fatherhood is traditional, the way they became dads isn't: Coco was born through a surrogate, using a donor egg. In expanding their family, Self and Fraley joined the growing number of same-sex parents in America today: somewhere between 1.5 million and 5 million, according to rough U.S. Census estimates, up from 300,000 to 500,000 in 1976.
The surrogacy process took two years: One egg donor became ill, then a first surrogate failed to get pregnant. But in February 2010, Kira, their second surrogate, gave birth to 8-pound-9-ounce Coco.
Strangers are mostly respectful, which doesn't surprise Adam Pertman, executive director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, headquartered in New York City. "As support for legal gay marriage has grown, along with the body of research that shows same-sex parents to be just as committed, so, too, has the acceptance of gay parenthood," he says. Still, Fraley admits, people can be insensitive. "Sometimes they ask, 'Where'd you get your baby?' like we bought her at Target," he says. "I say, 'She was born, just like you.' Another person recently asked, 'Whose sperm did you use?' "
(I LOVE THIS IS PART, THANK YOU ADAM PERTMAN-WE NEED TO PREPARE FOR THIS WITH ALL THIRD PARTY REPRODUCTION, DONOR CONCEPTION, OLDER PARENTING FAMILIES)....
Coco may face a few awkward scenarios, too, as she grows. "Kids can sometimes look down on children from single-sex households, and tell them their family isn't real," Pertman says. "Coco may also start seeing news stories that upset her, like another state wanting to pass an amendment stigmatizing gay marriage. Chris and Victor will need to discuss these issues with her."

They've already steeled themselves for the questions she'll likely have. "Why don't I have a mommy?" may be answered with "Because you have two daddies." It helps that the definition of family is growing, just like Coco. "Is it such a big deal?" asks Fraley. "Look around. All families are different."

Single mom that didn't wait for the perfect man to start her family and encourages single women yearning for a child to 'go for it' like she did.
Jo Trizila, 40, Single Mom to Kate, 2 remembers the conversation with her mom that changed her life. It was her 35th birthday, and they were talking about how some of Trizila's friends had gotten married just to have kids, and were miserable now. "I said, 'I don't want to do that. If I haven't met the right guy by the time I'm 37, what would you and Dad think if I have a baby anyway?' Mom said, 'If you can afford a child, we'll support you 100 percent.' "
By the time her 37th birthday rolled around, Trizila still hadn't met the perfect man. By then she was running a public relations firm she'd founded -- the kind of success that's helping to fuel a rise in single-mom adoptions, notes Pertman, the adoption-institute executive director. "As women like Jo find good careers and their earnings grow, there's less need to find a partner to make having a family feasible."
Trizila considered getting pregnant, "but part of me was saying 'Is it worth finding a sperm donor and doing in vitro? What about adoption?' .....
... By the summer of 2009, she was cleared to adopt. "I was told to expect a couple of years' wait," Trizila recalls. But that September, a woman due to give birth shortly selected her to raise her child.

(I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS STATEMENT):
That very same year, on December 5, Trizila became little Kate's mother.
(ISNT THAT PERFECT!? WHY DON'T WE JUST TALK ABOUT DONOR CONCEPTION AND SURROGACY THAT WAY?)
I'd never understood how you could love someone you'd never met. But I got it the moment I held Kate," she says. Rocking her daughter in the maternity ward, she thought back to her own hospital stay as a teen, for a life-threatening brain abscess and aplastic anemia. "I'd always wondered why I had survived.That night with Kate, a voice in my head said, 'You survived to be Kate's mom.' "
While she's a single mother, there are plenty of people in Kate's orbit....Still, solo parenting has drawbacks. "There's no one to ask 'Am I doing the right thing?' " Trizila says. It's also annoying when she gets asked "Are you dating anyone?" She still hopes to meet a great guy, but is happy being single for the time being. "Are Kate and I that unusual?" she muses. "Look at the divorce statistics. There are a lot of single moms -- they just didn't adopt." (In fact, about one quarter of all kids are raised by solo parents.)
Yet she'd recommend her own path to parenthood to anyone. "If I convince just one single woman out there who's yearning for a child to go for it, this interview will have been worthwhile."
(PS-I KNOW HOW SHE FEELS!)

http://www.cnn.com/2011/11/29/living/the-new-normal-p/index.html

Friday, September 9, 2011

The NYC Gathering Dinner Meetings September 20th, October 17th.

Tuesday September 20, 6-8pm in Midtown with Special Guest, Judy Kottick, LCSW. The topic will be, "How to Talk with the Others in Your Life about Donor Conception".


Monday October 17, 6-9pm in Midtown with Special Guests, Wendy Kramer and her son Ryan Kramer of The Donor Sibling Registry.


Please Register for these events to Saxel95@aol.com.
Sara Axel
516-967-7430


Wednesday, April 6, 2011

From Mikki Morrissette: Special Resources for Single Women Building Families

As we develop more (largely free) e-books and other special guides for the Choice Mom community, I thought it would be helpful to list everything so far available. This list will grow in 2011, as we emphasize e-guides, including the upcoming Choice Mom E-Guide to Embryo Donation.
Please feel free to post this compilation on your website or otherwise share with your community. We'd love to collaborate on e-guides on other topics in 2011. Send me your thoughts.
If it's easier, this is a direct link to the ChoiceMoms.org post that provides direct links to the guides:
http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/383/special_choice_mom_resource_compilation

Special Resources for the Choice Mom/SMC community
"http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/379/new_guide_to_sperm_banks_and_donor_conception/">Choice Mom Guide to Donor Sperm
The 28-page guidebook offers Q&A about key sperm bank policies... suggestions on how to make contact with donor families... resources for talking to your child... explanations about washed v. unwashed and more... expert insight on genetic testing... and a checklist of questions to ask your sperm bank.
http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/56/do_i_have_a_dad/ Do I Have a Dad? CD
This special 50-minute audio compilation features interviews with four experts (including two therapists from the Bay Area) about talking to our children about "daddies" and donors. It includes conversations with six Choice Moms about the kinds of questions and concerns they face as their children start using the daddy term or connect with their known donors. And it includes the insight of an anonymous donor who has had contact with grown offspring.
http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/231/choice_mom_guide_to_fertility/Choice Moms Guide to Fertility
Excerpt, from Choice Mom Cathi: "I never knew what a dolt I was about female fertility until I tried to understand my own. I wish it was as easy as coping with a bad golf game or quitting smoking. Practice doesn't help, and there are no tasty spearmint Bun-in-the-Oven gums to chew. No, there are long uncomfortable minutes with your toes in the air (I seem to recall that some don't conceive this way, but I'm having trouble remembering the concept). I tried ovulation test strips. These are great because I never get tired of peeing on things, especially my own hands."
http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/230/choice_mom_guide_to_adoption/Choice Mom Guide to Adoption
A 100-page compilation of expert insights and personal Choice Mom stories about the myths and realities of: building transracial families, negotiating open relationships with birth parents, the cost and accessibility of adoption to single women, bonding with your adopted child, parenting over 40, foster care options, and much more.
http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/226/what_choice_moms_are_listening_to/Choice Chat podcasts
With more than 34,000 downloads, these popular conversations cover everything from negotiating with a known donor, to everything you might want to know about at-home insemination, to profiles of women on the Choice Mom journey.
http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/327/happy_new_year_choice_moms/Choice of Choice Moms: 2010
Our top tips featured on ChoiceMoms.org in 2010, featuring everything from Organization to Building a Support Network, Q&A to Commentary.
http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/326/new_our_top_10_choice_mom_profiles/Top 10 Choice Mom Profiles: 2010
A compilation of some of the best personal stories shared on ChoiceMoms.org in 2010.
http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/233/voices_of_donor_conception/Voices of Donor Conception
Whether you are married or single, understanding the ramifications of using donor gametes can be scary. Here are unique perspectives shared from donor-conceived offspring, an anonymous donor, and the co-founder of Donor Sibling Registry.
Mikki Morrissette
Founder, Choice Moms
http://www.choicemoms.org
fax: (612) 225-1809

Sunday, January 23, 2011

A Conversation with Mikki Morrisette of Choicemoms.org

I'm, always on the look-out for good info to share with our Choice Moms of The NYC Gathering, or Single Mothers by Choice. In the disclosure discussions we deal with how, when and what to tell our children and the others in our lives. Here is Mikki's take on how to deal with the others  in our lives during the early years.


About filling our paperwork for schools etc....


"Most women I've heard of opt to put N/A, or leave it blank, on birth certificates. I think in the case of schools the same would apply. But it might also be important to make a note that the child is "from a Choice Mom family, meaning I opted to build our family despite the lack of a partner." 


That's basically what I did.


Similar to adoptive families, it becomes important at times for good teachers to understand that not everyone is coming from the traditional family. At least where I am, there is more open discussion about it in those early years to lay the groundwork. 


Especially when it comes to the family tree assignments that start to happen in kindergarten. It's good to walk tall and proud. :-)


One innovative solution to the family tree assignments, which happen in early school years, is an idea that my daughter and I came up with years ago. 

On our birthdays, we draw a flower and, in the roots and stems and petals, write the names of the people who are most important to us. (It's interesting to note how some vary from year to year, and who remains the same.) Rather than noticing a blank side of the family, as with traditional family trees, where "biological dad's" side cannot be filled in adequately, we focus our efforts on recognizing that there are many friends and family in our network who help us evolve as the person we are becoming."

You can read more about this, and see an example, here: http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/70/the_family_tree_assignment
Mikki Morrissette
http://www.choicemoms.org

Thanks again Mikki. So great to have you here in NYC!



Sunday, December 5, 2010

The NYC Gathering Dec Update 12.5.10

New Items and date changes are highlighted. Please note that The NYC Gathering Womens Dinner and Long Island Resolve meetings are scheduled for 12-6 and 12-9, I had a scheduling conflict. Also, 2 Sundays are added as well as a new series being offered by Carolyn Berger, LCSW, please see details below.

The NYC Gathering Womens Dinner in Midtown- Mondays Dec 6 ,Jan 10, Feb 7, March 7, April 4, May 9, June 6, 6-8 pm, saxel95@aol.com, 516-967-7430.

Long Island Resolve Peer-Led Support Group-Third Thursdays Monthly -Dec 9, 7-9pm. Saxel95@aol.com, 516-967-7430.

Sunday, Dec 19-All-inclusive NYC Gathering, Upper West Side, Saxel95@aol.com.

Sunday January 9-All-inclusive NJ Gathering, Saxel95@aol.com.

Tuesdays -Judith Kottick,LCSW -Montclair NJ,Support Group for Donor Parenting mailto:Judykottick@comcast.net  Tuesadays Dec-7, Workshop in Montclair April 2, 2011, details to follow or contact Judy directly now.

Weds-Midtown-Family Building Network for Donor Conception and Surrogacy-Support Group with Patricia Mendell, LCSW, Pmendell@aol.com Dec 15,Jan 19 from 7-9pm.

Weds-Anne Malave, PHd-Support Group for Women Exploring Egg Donation-2nd and 4th Weds of the month, 7-8:30 pm, afmalave@aol.com ,212-787-1304.

Tues-Upper West Side-Dec 14,Support Group, Elizabeth SIlk, LCSW, 212-873-6434 , Nancy Kaufman, LCSW, 212-772-1200 or thirdpartyparenting@yahoo.com.

Thursdays-Midtown Not strictly Third Party Reproduction, open (free) drop-in group Carolyn Berger, LCSW. at Batzofin Fertility Center in Midtown on the 1st and 3rd Thursday each month, 6-7:3pm. cnberger@optonline.net 914-834-6396.

Carolyn Berger is also offering a new  FERTILITY DISCUSSION SERIES beginning in January........

Come talk with fertility experts the first Wednesday evening of every month, 6-7:15 pm at Batzofin Fertility Services,NYC. There is no charge. Everyone is welcome to attend.

January 5: “How Healthy Eating and Losing Weight Can Help You Get PregnantWith Weight Loss Expert Kavita Jhaveri-Patel.

February 2: “Options in Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART): It Takes a Team”With Joel Batzofin, MD, Kristina Salvati-Block, PA-C, and Colleen Ryan, BS; Batzofin Fertility Services.

March 2: “Embryology: Choosing the Best Embryos to Transfer, Intricacies of ICSI and Much More” With Mary Schalkoff, PhD, Embryologist, Batzofin Fertility Services.

April 6: “Can Acupuncture Help Me Get (and Stay) Pregnant?” With Mike Berkley, L.Ac. The Berkley Center for Reproductive Wellness, NYC.

May 4: “Love and Infertility: Keeping Your Relationship Alive While Trying to Get Pregnant” With Carolyn Berger, LCSW, Founding Board Chair of The American Fertility Association, Practice in Manhattan and Westchester.

June 1: “Yoga for Fertility” with Beth Gibney-Boulden, Registered Yoga Teacher, Certified in Fertility Yoga, Full Circle Family Care, White Plains, NY.

July 6: “Building Your Family in the LGBT Community” 

Thanks and best wishes to all for a happy and healthy holiday season.

Sara Axel
The NYC Gathering

Sunday, November 28, 2010

The NYC Gathering Dec Update 11.28.10

The NYC Gathering Womens Dinner in Midtown- Mondays Dec 6 ,Jan 10, Feb 7, March 7, April 4, May 9, June 6, 6-8 pm, saxel95@aol.com, 516-967-7430. 


Sunday Dec 19, The NYC Gathering-All inclusive, Upper West Side, saxel95@aol.com.

Sunday Jan 9, NJ Gathering-All inclusive, saxel95@aol.com 


Long Island Resolve Peer-Led Support Group-Third Thursdays Monthly -Dec 9, Jan 20, Feb 10, Mar 17,Apr 14,  May 19, Jun 16,7-9pm. Saxel95@aol.com, 516-967-7430.


Tuesdays -Judith Kottick,LCSW -Montclair NJ,Support Group for Donor Parenting mailto:Judykottick@comcast.net  Tuesadays Dec-7, Workshop in Montclair April 2, 2011, details to follow or contact Judy directly now.


SPECIAL LONG ISLAND Gathering 12-2-10, to be held at Grand Opening Reception of THE BERKLEY CENTER in Plainview to discuss Reproductive Wellness with Mike Berkely. Details to follow. 

Weds-Midtown-Family Building Network for Donor Conception and Surrogacy-Support Group with Patricia Mendell, LCSW, Pmendell@aol.com Dec 15,Jan 19 from 7-9pm.

Weds-Anne Malave, PHd-Support Group for Women Exploring Egg Donation-2nd and 4th Weds of the month, 7-8:30 pm, afmalave@aol.com ,212-787-1304.


Stress Reduction for Infertility Classes with Helen Adrienne, LCSW, BCD, 420 East 64th Street call 212-758-0125,or email helen@helenadrienne.com, 6:30-8:30PM,cost $75.00. Meets@NYU Fertility Center, 660 First Avenue, 6th Floor, corner of 38th Street, NYC.


Janet Mueller, PsyD., Primary Infertility Group, Tuesdays 7-8:30 in Plainview Long Island, $320 for 8 Sessions, Janetmu@earthlink.net.
          
Thursdays-Midtown Not strictly Third Party Reproduction, open (free) drop-in group Carolyn Berger, LCSW. at Batzofin Fertility Center in Midtown on the 1st and 3rd Thursday each month, 6-7:3pm. cnberger@optonline.net 914-834-6396.                


Tues-Upper West Side-Dec 14,Support Group, Elizabeth SIlk, LCSW, 212-873-6434 , Nancy Kaufman, LCSW, 212-772-1200 or thirdpartyparenting@yahoo.com. 


Sara Axel
The NYC Gathering
516-967-7430

Thursday, October 21, 2010

The November 14 NYC Gathering Workshop

Planning for The November 14 NYC Gathering Workshop is being finalized. Replies needed from leaders and participants Please.
If you would like to but have not already confirmed your attendance as a participant or facilitating a peer or professionally-led roundtable, please let me know what your topic (roundtable I or II or both) will be. You are welcome to bring your current group so we can include them in the gathering, introduce your organization,expertise, community, interests to us and likewise, us to you. Feel free to bring your printed materials, brochures, flyers, books you've authored or have found to be helpful, etc.

This is a day of support and education, all ideas and topics will be considered and anyone thinking, trying or parenting through Third Party Reproduction is welcome. Blended families are welcome, as are LGBT families, Choice Moms and Dads, Co-parenting families, etc.

If you are a leading a roundtable and are a professional in this field and/or have something you'd like to share with the entire room we will have time set aside for Q&A.
We have interest in leading small (8-10 people)roundtable discussions on these topics and have room (total 15 tables) for more of the same or others
Disclosure
Decision Making-Adoption, Donor, and Surrogacy
The legal client as Fertility patient
DS Dad and Personalized Family Story Picture Book
Nature vs Nurture-Genetics and parenting discussion
Childrens Book Discussion
How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen So Kids will Talk
Body-Mind Connection
Alternative Medicine
The Donor Selection Process for Choice Moms

The schedule is as follows.

Registration 12:15-12:30
Intro-12:30-12:45
Roundtable I-12:45-1:45
Lunch-1:45-2:30
Rountable II-2:30-3:45 pm
Break 3:45-4:00
Q&A Closing 4:00-5:00

The format is roundtables of 8-10 per table, peer and professionally led. Cost is $75 pp, $125 per family (total adults), $45 per child for babysitting all day, lunch is included.

Please distribute this as your flyer until the final version is ready.
Thanks and best to all,
Sara Axel
The NYC Gathering
516-967-7430
http://donorgroupsnyc.blogspot.com/