I vote no to survivor benefits for posthumously conceived children.
That's giving personhood status a little early, don't you think?
http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2011-11-14/children-conceived-after-father-s-death-draw-high-court-review.html
The NYC Gathering
Our Community
Showing posts with label Parenting after infertility. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting after infertility. Show all posts
Monday, November 21, 2011
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Talking to Children About Donor Conception - Denver
If anyone attended that would like to share any re caps or reviews of this or any similar events for sharing on this blog or privately,please contact me directly at saxel95@aol.com
Talking to Children About Donor Conception -- Events Denver ...
This is a professionally led workshop for parents of donor conceived children. It will be held Saturday, October 8, 2011. For more information go to click here.
denver.momslikeme.com/members/eventactions.aspx?g...m...
Talking to Children About Donor Conception -- Events Denver ...
This is a professionally led workshop for parents of donor conceived children. It will be held Saturday, October 8, 2011. For more information go to click here.
denver.momslikeme.com/members/eventactions.aspx?g...m...
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Teresa Erickson, with the MidIsland Racing Pigeon Racing Society
Life after the fertility business...
Racing pigeon recovering after losing way during race.
"The theory is a pigeon's homing instinct depends on the Earth's magnetic field," said Teresa Erickson, with the MidIsland Racing Pigeon Society. .
http://www.canada.com/
Racing pigeon recovering after losing way during race.
"The theory is a pigeon's homing instinct depends on the Earth's magnetic field," said Teresa Erickson, with the MidIsland Racing Pigeon Society. .
http://www.canada.com/
Friday, August 19, 2011
PVED SURVEY DESCRIBES LANGUAGE OF DONOR CONCEPTION - PVED - Open Salon
And more about the fertility industry, from Marna at Pved.
http://open.salon.com/blog/pved/2011/08/18/pved_survey_describes_language_of_donor_conception
http://open.salon.com/blog/pved/2011/08/18/pved_survey_describes_language_of_donor_conception
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Third Party Parenting Network led by Nancy Kaufman, 2011-2012 Schedule
The Third Party Parenting Network, Professionally Led Support Group (WHICH IS NOT THE NYC GATHERING) resumes in September. All meetings are held at: 7:30 – 9:00 pm.
September 13 ,October 11 ,November 8 ,December 13 ,January 10 February 7, March 13 ,April 10, May 8, June 5 Fee: $20 per person/$30 per family. RSVP to: thirdpartyparenting@yahoo.com or Nancy Kaufman 212-772-1200 |
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Book Chat-NYTimes.com
Discusses nature and nurture with references to twin and adoption studies.
http://economix.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/04/07/the-case-for-having-more-kids/?partner=rss&emc=rss
http://economix.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/04/07/the-case-for-having-more-kids/?partner=rss&emc=rss
Sunday, February 20, 2011
The Family Scholars
From the Family Scholars-the meanest cruelest bloggers out there and this is what the say about posting comments
on their site:
Bloggers and commenters: be rigorous, be powerful, be funny, but don't be mean.
on their site:
Bloggers and commenters: be rigorous, be powerful, be funny, but don't be mean.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Nov 14 Workshops and Event Planning Info
Dear Friends of The NYC Gathering:
Event planning has begun. We will be using a larger room and we have a new
format to accomodate a variety of round-table discussion groups and even leave a few tables open just for mingling, eating, hanging out.
The small ballroom we reserved holds 15-20 tables of 10 and we are scheduled for
12:30-5:30. Each table would hold 2 discussion groups each,one before lunch,one
after lunch, or they can be a continuation-Part I and Part II.
The ballroom is adjacent to the kids playroom and the Creative Sitters staff
will be running their program for our members bringing kids, as usual.
If you know anyone who may be interested, please feel free to pass this along.
To start with,please let me know if you are interested in any of the following:
Participating-attending the workshop and if so any particular topic(s) you would
like to have covered and/or talk to others about?
Leading a peer group,what topic (s) would you like to talk with others in a similar
situation about?
Leading-as a volunteer for a peer group, helping others by sharing your story and
experience with others who may be considering a similar journey?
Facilitating-as a professional,speaking about a topic within your field of
expertise. For a an MD or therapist this might be about moving forward,
decision-making,donor or gc selection, having a baby via de 101 (an
overview) ,etc. An attorney will be talking about the infertility patient as legal client.
More topics that are currently in the works and some to consider being part of the offerings:
Disclosure to the others in our lives-Whether to tell, whom to tell, what and when to tell them.
Dislosure to children-building and creating the family story. Concepts and
real-life scenarios. By age-range and situation, including talking about reproduction.
Genetics-nature vs nurture.
Body-mind connection in infertility treatment.
Holistic and complementary medicine in infertility treatment.
Donor agencies,attys and clinic programs, the screening and decision-making
process. Their role as patient and client advocates. What you wish you knew about them, what they wish you knew.
Donor and third-party vs adoption decision-making.
Childrens book reviews and recommendations,perhaps with role-playing for
questions kids might ask (as requested by someone at our last womens dinner when we covered this).
Parenting issues ie Co-parenting, Parenting over 45, Single Parenting,LGBT Parenting.
Thinking, trying, parenting of any of the following:
Blended Genetic, Bio and non-bio
DE
Ds/de.
Donor embryo.
Surrogacy.
Parenting after infertility-general discussion
Adoption and/or Third Party reproduction-what we have learned from the adoption
world that would be valuable to families created via de and surrogacy,as well as
blended families? Or-Which option is best for your family-building journey?
How to talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk.
New options in fertility treatment-the lastest advances, success rates,travel
options, egg-freezing,pgd.
The Donor Sibling Registry and other similar networks, when and how to begin.
And of course, any type of support group is welcome-if one already exists that would like to attend and set-up shop or if you would like to start one here, we are open and look forward to helping you grow and become part of our community as well.
Please contact me via email at saxel95@aol.com to discuss your interest and register for the event.
Event planning has begun. We will be using a larger room and we have a new
format to accomodate a variety of round-table discussion groups and even leave a few tables open just for mingling, eating, hanging out.
The small ballroom we reserved holds 15-20 tables of 10 and we are scheduled for
12:30-5:30. Each table would hold 2 discussion groups each,one before lunch,one
after lunch, or they can be a continuation-Part I and Part II.
The ballroom is adjacent to the kids playroom and the Creative Sitters staff
will be running their program for our members bringing kids, as usual.
If you know anyone who may be interested, please feel free to pass this along.
To start with,please let me know if you are interested in any of the following:
Participating-attending the workshop and if so any particular topic(s) you would
like to have covered and/or talk to others about?
Leading a peer group,what topic (s) would you like to talk with others in a similar
situation about?
Leading-as a volunteer for a peer group, helping others by sharing your story and
experience with others who may be considering a similar journey?
Facilitating-as a professional,speaking about a topic within your field of
expertise. For a an MD or therapist this might be about moving forward,
decision-making,donor or gc selection, having a baby via de 101 (an
overview) ,etc. An attorney will be talking about the infertility patient as legal client.
More topics that are currently in the works and some to consider being part of the offerings:
Disclosure to the others in our lives-Whether to tell, whom to tell, what and when to tell them.
Dislosure to children-building and creating the family story. Concepts and
real-life scenarios. By age-range and situation, including talking about reproduction.
Genetics-nature vs nurture.
Body-mind connection in infertility treatment.
Holistic and complementary medicine in infertility treatment.
Donor agencies,attys and clinic programs, the screening and decision-making
process. Their role as patient and client advocates. What you wish you knew about them, what they wish you knew.
Donor and third-party vs adoption decision-making.
Childrens book reviews and recommendations,perhaps with role-playing for
questions kids might ask (as requested by someone at our last womens dinner when we covered this).
Parenting issues ie Co-parenting, Parenting over 45, Single Parenting,LGBT Parenting.
Thinking, trying, parenting of any of the following:
Blended Genetic, Bio and non-bio
DE
Ds/de.
Donor embryo.
Surrogacy.
Parenting after infertility-general discussion
Adoption and/or Third Party reproduction-what we have learned from the adoption
world that would be valuable to families created via de and surrogacy,as well as
blended families? Or-Which option is best for your family-building journey?
How to talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk.
New options in fertility treatment-the lastest advances, success rates,travel
options, egg-freezing,pgd.
The Donor Sibling Registry and other similar networks, when and how to begin.
And of course, any type of support group is welcome-if one already exists that would like to attend and set-up shop or if you would like to start one here, we are open and look forward to helping you grow and become part of our community as well.
Please contact me via email at saxel95@aol.com to discuss your interest and register for the event.
Monday, September 27, 2010
My just right donor, by L
It was a warm day forDecember, and my husband and I were on our way to make a very importantchoice. We were on our way toreview potential donors with our clinic and expected to choose one during thistrip.
A little background: we were cycling at an out-of-town clinic about 200 miles from our home for three reasons: 1) it was less expensive; 2) we reallyliked the doctor and one of my closest friends had a personal friendship with him and also used him for her fertility problems; and 3) this clinic allowedyou to choose your donor from a book of potential clinic donors. That was very different than the clinics here in New York, who picked your donor for you. And that was definitely appealing to us, and was one of the major reasons we decided to cycle out of town.
We had decided not to usean agency donor, because I felt like I could find someone appealing and didn’tfeel strongly that I needed to find the “perfect” donor.
I knew one thing: I didn’t want to meet my donor or seean adult picture of her. I hopedto have children that were genetically related to her; and when I looked atthem, lovingly, as they grew, changed and developed, children I consider mychildren solely (okay, and my husband’s too) despite the gene pool, I didn’twant to see someone else, someone who essentially was disconnected from us andour lives completely, looking back at me.
So here we are, on afour-hour car ride, with an appointment to look at “the book.” My husband and I share ourthoughts: what should we lookfor? What are the most importantattributes of this woman, who was going to perhaps give us the most significant thing we ever received?
First, we focused onlooks. And we agreed she didn’tneed to look like me, but the main things, like coloring, etc. needed to besimilar to mine so that our child, or children, would, to the casual observer,look like they could be mine.
Then, we focused on health. That, we agreed, was non-negotiable. Then,intelligence. We agreed she neededto be a college student or a college graduate, with a job that indicated she was above average in IQ. Andage. I don’t remember exactly what we determined, but something around 24-25 – not too young, not tooold. And a “proven” donor would be a bonus.
And that, we agreed, were the main factors. We pictured a young career woman, on her way to a life of “having it all.”
We get into town, and, thenext day, we are given the “Caucasian” book. There were around 25 or 30 profiles in the book. They told us to review it and that wecould select up to 3 proflies to hold for 24 hours. Thereafter, we could either select one, or select none and then return in a few weeks to see any new potential donors.
We were sent to a room,alone, with this thick blue binder. Each profile was 14 pages, hand written, and asked all sorts of factualquestions about the donor, her life, health, family, family health history,pregnancy and fertility history, and the like. There were also, on the last page, short essays. It was a lot of information, on the onehand, but so little, too.
We went through the bookand flagged all the college grads and a few college students. One by one, they dropped off. Too many casual sexual encounters. Questionable family healthhistories. Some women whosemotivations seemed less than ideal to us. Women who didn’t seem to have the time or interest to fill out the 14pages. After going through thewhole book, we had a few maybes. But no one that felt right.
A second glance through the binder. One profile caught my eye.I shared it with my husband. Awoman, 28 years old, a mother of two. Last job was in a pizza shop. Education stopped after high school. We pull it out. Read it once, twice. So,she didn’t go to college. So, shewas 28 years old. Not what wethought we were looking for. But the answers to her essay questions were clear and well thought out. She took pride in what she wrote and expressed herself well. No, notwhat we were looking for. Butthere was something about her. We put her in the maybe pile.
That night, we stayed at my friend’s house. I asked her tolook at the three profiles we had brought with us. Without a word, she read the three, and handed me one,saying…I like her. Pizzawoman, we called her that night, until she became “our donor” who she is tothis day.
What did we like? Her maturity. Her appreciation for being a parent. Her earnestness, and sincerity. She seemed nice, real, solid. Not perfect, but very human. And, for some reason, kind and giving.
Today, as the parents of two children she helped us conceive, I am so thrilled with our choice. Someday, if my kids ask my why we picked her, I have reasons I can explain. And if we ever have the opportunity to meet her, I think I will like her. And I know that I will have nothing but gratitude for the gift she gave us.
A little background: we were cycling at an out-of-town clinic about 200 miles from our home for three reasons: 1) it was less expensive; 2) we reallyliked the doctor and one of my closest friends had a personal friendship with him and also used him for her fertility problems; and 3) this clinic allowedyou to choose your donor from a book of potential clinic donors. That was very different than the clinics here in New York, who picked your donor for you. And that was definitely appealing to us, and was one of the major reasons we decided to cycle out of town.
We had decided not to usean agency donor, because I felt like I could find someone appealing and didn’tfeel strongly that I needed to find the “perfect” donor.
I knew one thing: I didn’t want to meet my donor or seean adult picture of her. I hopedto have children that were genetically related to her; and when I looked atthem, lovingly, as they grew, changed and developed, children I consider mychildren solely (okay, and my husband’s too) despite the gene pool, I didn’twant to see someone else, someone who essentially was disconnected from us andour lives completely, looking back at me.
So here we are, on afour-hour car ride, with an appointment to look at “the book.” My husband and I share ourthoughts: what should we lookfor? What are the most importantattributes of this woman, who was going to perhaps give us the most significant thing we ever received?
First, we focused onlooks. And we agreed she didn’tneed to look like me, but the main things, like coloring, etc. needed to besimilar to mine so that our child, or children, would, to the casual observer,look like they could be mine.
Then, we focused on health. That, we agreed, was non-negotiable. Then,intelligence. We agreed she neededto be a college student or a college graduate, with a job that indicated she was above average in IQ. Andage. I don’t remember exactly what we determined, but something around 24-25 – not too young, not tooold. And a “proven” donor would be a bonus.
And that, we agreed, were the main factors. We pictured a young career woman, on her way to a life of “having it all.”
We get into town, and, thenext day, we are given the “Caucasian” book. There were around 25 or 30 profiles in the book. They told us to review it and that wecould select up to 3 proflies to hold for 24 hours. Thereafter, we could either select one, or select none and then return in a few weeks to see any new potential donors.
We were sent to a room,alone, with this thick blue binder. Each profile was 14 pages, hand written, and asked all sorts of factualquestions about the donor, her life, health, family, family health history,pregnancy and fertility history, and the like. There were also, on the last page, short essays. It was a lot of information, on the onehand, but so little, too.
We went through the bookand flagged all the college grads and a few college students. One by one, they dropped off. Too many casual sexual encounters. Questionable family healthhistories. Some women whosemotivations seemed less than ideal to us. Women who didn’t seem to have the time or interest to fill out the 14pages. After going through thewhole book, we had a few maybes. But no one that felt right.
A second glance through the binder. One profile caught my eye.I shared it with my husband. Awoman, 28 years old, a mother of two. Last job was in a pizza shop. Education stopped after high school. We pull it out. Read it once, twice. So,she didn’t go to college. So, shewas 28 years old. Not what wethought we were looking for. But the answers to her essay questions were clear and well thought out. She took pride in what she wrote and expressed herself well. No, notwhat we were looking for. Butthere was something about her. We put her in the maybe pile.
That night, we stayed at my friend’s house. I asked her tolook at the three profiles we had brought with us. Without a word, she read the three, and handed me one,saying…I like her. Pizzawoman, we called her that night, until she became “our donor” who she is tothis day.
What did we like? Her maturity. Her appreciation for being a parent. Her earnestness, and sincerity. She seemed nice, real, solid. Not perfect, but very human. And, for some reason, kind and giving.
Today, as the parents of two children she helped us conceive, I am so thrilled with our choice. Someday, if my kids ask my why we picked her, I have reasons I can explain. And if we ever have the opportunity to meet her, I think I will like her. And I know that I will have nothing but gratitude for the gift she gave us.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
JUNE & JULY UPDATE
Sunday June 6th
THE NYC GATHERING AND THE FAMILY BUILDING NETWORK PRESENT:
Creating the Family Story for Parents and Parents-to-be via Donor and Surrogacy.
I want to start off by saying that I am very excited to be meeting both Jean Benward and Theresa Erickson for the first time at the June 6th Workshop.
Anne Malave-June 2, June 16, June 30-Continuing with Anne Malave PHD, 4 session commitment, Professionally Led Support Group, UWS, 212-787-1304.
Call for Dates-Anne Malave,PHD PG Via DE Professionally Led Support Group, UWS, 212-787-1304.Thurs June 17-Anne Malave PHD, 4 session comittment-6-7pm Professionally Led Support Group in Mineola, 212-787-1304.
Mon June 14, Mon July 12, Tues Aug 3, Mon Sept 13, Mon Oct 18, Tues 11-16, Mon 12-13-The NYC Gathering Womens Dinner in Midtown saxel95@aol.com.
Long Island Resolve Peer-Led Support Group-Third Thursdays Monthly -June 17,July 15,Aug 19,Sept 16,Oct 21, Nov 18, Dec 16.
Sunday-June 27-LI All-inclusive, Eisenhower Park, Lot#2, 10am-1pm.
TPPN-Tues-Jun 8, Sept 14, Oct 12, Nov 9, Dec 14,TPPN, UWS, Professionally Led Support Group, Elizabeth SIlk, LCSW, Nancy Kaufman, LCSW. Esilk2@earthlink.net, NLKaufman@yahoo.com.
Sunday July 11-The Mystic Aquarium, all-inclusive CT and NE Gathering, saxel95@aol.com
Thanks and best to all,
Sara Axel
516-967-7430
http://donorgroupsnyc.blogspot.com/
THE NYC GATHERING AND THE FAMILY BUILDING NETWORK PRESENT:
Creating the Family Story for Parents and Parents-to-be via Donor and Surrogacy.
I want to start off by saying that I am very excited to be meeting both Jean Benward and Theresa Erickson for the first time at the June 6th Workshop.
- Theresa Erickson is an attorney who specializes in Reproductive and Family Law (www.ericksonlaw.net.) and will be speaking on our panel about her own experience as an Ovum Donor. She is an Executive Board Member of Parents Via Egg Donation, PVED.org.
- Patricia Mendell, LCSW, is a psychotherapist in private practice. She is Co-Chair of The AFA, facilitator of their Ovum Donor Seminars, and has written and spoken extensively on fertility, pregnancy loss, disclosure, family, and parenting issues. As a therapist and fertility survivor, Patricia is well aware of the impact decision making choices have on people’s lives. She believes that with the right support system and practical educational tools one can feel confident in tackling any of life’s challenges. http://www.patriciamendell.com, 718-230-9383, 212-819-1778
- Jean Benward, LCSW is a psychotherapist in private practice with over 25 years experience with issues surrounding adoption, infertility, and donor conception. She served as a member of the ASRM’s Mental Health Professional Group Executive Committee for seven years. She is co-president of the Board of Directors of the Sperm Bank of California and has been a consultant on the Sperm Bank’s identity release task force for eight years. Jean is the co-author of the AFA Talking to Kids about Ovum Donation pamphlet. She has just completed a book chapter about Identity Formation in Donor Offspring for a Canadian publisher. She has presented at numerous ASRM symposia and workshops, at the American Society for Bioethics and Humanism and at the Evan B Donaldson Adoption Institute. Her clinical experience includes several years as adjunct professor and clinical supervisor for graduate students in child and family therapy. You can reach her at: officejeanbenward@sbcglobal.net or phone: 925 820 9023.
This workshop is an expanded version of the very well-received workshop held in November '09. We will have a panel of parents and donor-conceived kids and adults (and a donor!), interactive discussions planned, childrens psychological development info, practical and specific tools will be presented. Please contact pmendell@aol.com or saxel95@aol.com to confirm your reservation.
Anne Malave-June 2, June 16, June 30-Continuing with Anne Malave PHD, 4 session commitment, Professionally Led Support Group, UWS, 212-787-1304.
Call for Dates-Anne Malave,PHD PG Via DE Professionally Led Support Group, UWS, 212-787-1304.Thurs June 17-Anne Malave PHD, 4 session comittment-6-7pm Professionally Led Support Group in Mineola, 212-787-1304.
Mon June 14, Mon July 12, Tues Aug 3, Mon Sept 13, Mon Oct 18, Tues 11-16, Mon 12-13-The NYC Gathering Womens Dinner in Midtown saxel95@aol.com.
Long Island Resolve Peer-Led Support Group-Third Thursdays Monthly -June 17,July 15,Aug 19,Sept 16,Oct 21, Nov 18, Dec 16.
Sunday-June 27-LI All-inclusive, Eisenhower Park, Lot#2, 10am-1pm.
TPPN-Tues-Jun 8, Sept 14, Oct 12, Nov 9, Dec 14,TPPN, UWS, Professionally Led Support Group, Elizabeth SIlk, LCSW, Nancy Kaufman, LCSW. Esilk2@earthlink.net, NLKaufman@yahoo.com.
Sunday July 11-The Mystic Aquarium, all-inclusive CT and NE Gathering, saxel95@aol.com
Thanks and best to all,
Sara Axel
516-967-7430
http://donorgroupsnyc.blogspot.com/
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Donor Mom Dinner Recap - Discussion on DE Parenting and Disclosure
Thanks again to our Pschotherapist and DE Mom of 12 yo son who joined us for an unfortunately very-rained out dinner group last Monday night.
From a mom-to-be-very-soon, her personal notes to share from our gathering.....
-The DE issue is one that will be with me/my child forever, at times in the distance and at times in the forefront of my mind
-While most of my concern is about making sure my child feels loved, accepted and believes that he can freely talk about the issue, I've got to admit that some part of me still thinks that using a DE is some kind of reflection on me (whether that reflection leads to judgment/shame or is evidence of my resilience/commitment to having a child).
-I just don't think there is a father/husband on earth who understands DE issues the way a woman who deals with if firsthand does
-There is a fine, and forever changing line between privacy and secrecy
From a mom-to-be-very-soon, her personal notes to share from our gathering.....
-The DE issue is one that will be with me/my child forever, at times in the distance and at times in the forefront of my mind
-While most of my concern is about making sure my child feels loved, accepted and believes that he can freely talk about the issue, I've got to admit that some part of me still thinks that using a DE is some kind of reflection on me (whether that reflection leads to judgment/shame or is evidence of my resilience/commitment to having a child).
-I just don't think there is a father/husband on earth who understands DE issues the way a woman who deals with if firsthand does
-There is a fine, and forever changing line between privacy and secrecy
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