Actually, its Pat Irwin Johnston's comment that resonates with me the most because it speaks to all relationships, regardless of age,gender, biology, genetics and applies to any stage in our lives.
http://www.creatingafamily.org/blog/adoptive-parenting/love-adopted-child-biological-child/
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Showing posts with label Donor Conceived Children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Donor Conceived Children. Show all posts
Monday, December 12, 2011
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Eugenics,Forced Sterilization and Limiting Who Can and Cannot Have a Baby
A woman over 40 has the right to have a baby as much as anyone else.
With proper education, social and mental health guidance, medical screening and follow-up for all those involved, no one has to participate in third party reproduction against their will.
The slippery slope of limiting access to reproductive choice, ART or otherwise.
http://nytimes.com/2011/12/10/us/
redress-weighed-for-forced-sterilizations-in-north-carolina.xml
Furthermore, are we going to stop doing ivf so that residual drugs are not ending up in the environment and putting others at risk of harm from these drugs? What other drugs are going into the environment this way? We have even more people using batteries in this country than are doing ivf.
Read here for environmental pollution that we are sending to Mexico in the form of "recycling" materials.
Recycled Battery Lead Puts Mexicans in Danger
By ELISABETH ROSENTHAL
Dec 09, 2011 - The used batteries Americans turn in for recycling are increasingly processed in Mexico, their lead often extracted by crude methods that are illegal in the United States.
http://nytimes.com/article?a=877760
With proper education, social and mental health guidance, medical screening and follow-up for all those involved, no one has to participate in third party reproduction against their will.
The slippery slope of limiting access to reproductive choice, ART or otherwise.
http://nytimes.com/2011/12/10/us/
redress-weighed-for-forced-sterilizations-in-north-carolina.xml
Furthermore, are we going to stop doing ivf so that residual drugs are not ending up in the environment and putting others at risk of harm from these drugs? What other drugs are going into the environment this way? We have even more people using batteries in this country than are doing ivf.
Read here for environmental pollution that we are sending to Mexico in the form of "recycling" materials.
Recycled Battery Lead Puts Mexicans in Danger
By ELISABETH ROSENTHAL
Dec 09, 2011 - The used batteries Americans turn in for recycling are increasingly processed in Mexico, their lead often extracted by crude methods that are illegal in the United States.
http://nytimes.com/article?a=877760
Friday, December 2, 2011
The importance of listening | oliviasview
Congratulations to Olivia on her 100th post. I have a lot to catch up on!
I have known about Olivia and her work through the Donor Conception Network and the literature on Telling and Talking, but have not read all that I would like to from all of the resources available such as her blog.Olivia has much to share about donor conception and parenting.
This is a lovely post, in that she has written something very balanced and understanding of the feelings so many of us, donor parents and children, are feeling. She obviously understands the need to be fully present conversations that might be difficult, to say the least, for many people.
As a friend once said to me, "Straight through the middle with love". I think that's what Olivia is saying here too.
http://oliviasview.wordpress.com/2011/11/26/the-importance-of-listening/
I have known about Olivia and her work through the Donor Conception Network and the literature on Telling and Talking, but have not read all that I would like to from all of the resources available such as her blog.Olivia has much to share about donor conception and parenting.
This is a lovely post, in that she has written something very balanced and understanding of the feelings so many of us, donor parents and children, are feeling. She obviously understands the need to be fully present conversations that might be difficult, to say the least, for many people.
As a friend once said to me, "Straight through the middle with love". I think that's what Olivia is saying here too.
http://oliviasview.wordpress.com/2011/11/26/the-importance-of-listening/
Friday, November 11, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
Ryan Kramer and his Mom Wendy at The NYC Gathering OCT 17,2011
Hot topic at tonight's dinner, with our guests Wendy Kramer and her son Ryan Kramer of The Donor Sibling Registry, is featured Today On Slate.com.
Who's Your Mommy?
Should they tell their twins they came from donor eggs?
http://slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2011/10/should_they_tell_their_twins_they_came_from_donor_eggs_.html
Thanks again to Wendy and Ryan and to everyone who attended.
More to follow, some of us struggle with looking at sperm donors and egg donors being the same thing, the lack of real, widely accepted language on how to define these extended family relationships, and how about the parents of the donors-are they grandparents?.....and yes, I joined. Membership on The DSR is 1 year for $75, Lifetime for $175.
Who's Your Mommy?
Should they tell their twins they came from donor eggs?
http://slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2011/10/should_they_tell_their_twins_they_came_from_donor_eggs_.html
Thanks again to Wendy and Ryan and to everyone who attended.
More to follow, some of us struggle with looking at sperm donors and egg donors being the same thing, the lack of real, widely accepted language on how to define these extended family relationships, and how about the parents of the donors-are they grandparents?.....and yes, I joined. Membership on The DSR is 1 year for $75, Lifetime for $175.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Sunday, July 3, 2011
An Open (and reasonable) Letter to the ASRM from a Donor Conceived Adult
I appreciate the honesty with which Ms Kane has written about her experience as a donor conceived adult and that she isn't attacking parents (or calling us ''violent criminals'' on a par with forced prostitution, forced pregnancy and baby selling, for having conceived our kids this way, as in a letter that I recently received).
With permission, letter from Susan Kane, author of the letter.
"Certainly, donor families are under some stress already and I don't want anyone to feel "harassed" but I assume that you know your audience. If you think people will find it interesting and worthwhile, good with me. "
An open letter to the ASRM from Susan Kane, a donor conceived person, in response to Todd Essig’s commentary (Balancing the Rights of Donor Offspring With Those of Donors: But What About Parents? Forbes. June 30/11, http://tinyurl.com/Essig-2011-06-30) which was a response to the commentary that Naomi Cahn and Wendy Kramer of the DSR placed in BioNews last week (The Birth of Donor Offspring Rights in the USA?, http://tinyurl.com/6ce5kny).=================================================
As a donor-conceived adult, I appreciate Todd Essig’s observation that “law is a blunt instrument” for managing the gap between technology and social norms governing its use. (Forbes, see above link)
And yet, law is exactly where we turn when people and industries fail to regulate themselves. And, despite Essig’s feeling that gamete donation — with us for over 100 years — is “new”, we have decades of evidence that the current norms and regulations governing gamete donation in the United States are failing everyone.
Following are three quotes from donor conceived adults from this week’s article published in Human Reproduction entitled: “Offspring searching for their sperm donors: how family type shapes the process”
“It makes me angry that I am denied the basic right of knowing who my father was and what ethnicity I am.”
“I am curious as to what my biological father is like, do I have any siblings, what were his parents like.”
“The man who raised me is still my dad, but I’m pissed off . . . I’m missing half of my genetic medical history.”
It’s curious to me that masturbating into a cup or donating eggs seems to Essig an entirely different thing than the more commonly known way of conceiving a baby but not raising it, namely, adoption.
It’s curious to me that masturbating into a cup or donating eggs seems to Essig an entirely different thing than the more commonly known way of conceiving a baby but not raising it, namely, adoption.
Which part is so confusing? Is it the cup? The presence of doctors? The fact that this is an intentional act on all sides? Does the payment make it confusing? Is it all that pretty, shiny, technology?
Let me ask you for a favor. Stop looking at the cup. It doesn’t have the answers we need. Look me in the eye instead. As it turns out, I’m just like every other human. So, pull our your Psych 101 text and keep it handy while we chat. It applies to me too.
As anyone in the mental health field should know, decades and decades of adoption research has taught us that secrecy in families causes damage. It has taught us that learning that your parents are not your parents late in life wreaks havoc on your basic sense of trust. Most of all, adoption has taught us that genes matter.
They don’t matter more than love. I never said they did. But I challenge you to find an adoption professional in North America today who would tell you that genetics is irrelevant in family creation. Genes matter — today more than ever.
Genes matter to donor families. These families have specifically pursued infertility treatment rather than adoption. The fertility industry *exists* because genes matter. Allowing people to pass on their genetic material is what fertility treatment *does*. It amazes me that genes can matter to the families and doctors you serve and yet both you and Allison Rosen can’t believe that they also matter to *me*.
Who exactly gets to decide whether donor anonymity — being cut off from part of your genetic heritage — matters? Is it the parents of donor children? Is it the donors, kind people that they are? Doctors? Forbes’ columnists? Mental health professionals?
The answer, Mr. Essig, is that we do. We get to decide whether it matters to us. And the answer is: it does.
I’m sorry that your professional group chose not to learn anything from adoption research, but I’m here to tell you that the kids are all grown up. We’re not children under our parents’ care — we are teenagers, we are college students, we are the grown parents of our own children. We’ve thought about this system that you so carefully constructed and we’ve decided that it sucks. I’m sorry.
I know that you’re worried about the families and donors you counsel. I appreciate your concern. But I want you — the expert — to look ahead on their behalf, to help them think about the teenager, the college student, the parent. Your job is to advocate *not* for the family sitting before you, but for the family they are about to become — the one that includes a donor child, to whom genes matter.
And if the ASRM had done this, there would be no need for a law in Washington State — because donor anonymity would no longer exist. But you failed to advocate for us. You chose convenience over conscience. You chose the present tense over the lessons of history. And so we have stepped in to do your job — to advocate for the long-term mental health of donor families. We plan to create a new system that does not pit the needs of children against their parents or their donors. And there will, unfortunately, be conflict between us — until you start listening to everyone you are supposed to serve.
Listen, Mr. Essig. I’m not an angry teenager. I’m a 43 year old woman with two children of my own, also conceived by DI. And what I and other DC adults are telling you, and other members of the ASRM, is that you are *wrong*. You are totally, entirely, and dangerously wrong.
Your policies are wrong, your thinking is wrong, and most importantly, you are on the wrong side of history. I’m very sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Everyone did the best they could, but the system is terribly flawed and we all hate it. We’re telling you to change it now, before we sue.
There aren’t many “older” adults like me. We’re everywhere, of course, but you can’t organize a group of people who are dreaming. But there’s an entire *army* of DC adults coming of age, right now, as we speak. Do you really want to fight the very children you helped create — in court?
It’s your choice. Future generations of textbook writers will judge your actions. When social norms fall behind technology, we need to create them, not wring our hands and wonder what will happen. I’ll see you on the battlefield of history. May the best ideas, the best practices, the best path forward — win.
Susan Kane
Boston, MA
July 1, 2011
Boston, MA
July 1, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
The Huffington Post 5.15.11, 8 Fertility Misconceptions
SAXEL has shared an article with you on The Huffington Post:
8 Fertility Misconceptions
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/05/15/8-fertility-misconception_n_862137.html
8 Fertility Misconceptions
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/05/15/8-fertility-misconception_n_862137.html
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
From Australia:True fatherhood is not about biology | smh.com.au
I miss my dad a lot lately, and not the genetic one,but my real father. He would have been completely in love with his beautiful granddaughters that he never got to meet-and they him- as much as he loved the beautiful granddaughters that he did get to meet.
Its almost 11 years that he is gone.
This blog post is dedicated to the one and only, Al Levine. I love you Dad.
Very interesting perspective from Australia in the article attached below..
http://m.smh.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/true-fatherhood-is-not-about-biology-20110321-1c3px.html
Its almost 11 years that he is gone.
This blog post is dedicated to the one and only, Al Levine. I love you Dad.
Very interesting perspective from Australia in the article attached below..
http://m.smh.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/true-fatherhood-is-not-about-biology-20110321-1c3px.html
Friday, March 11, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Monday, February 28, 2011
Contact info for April 2 Workshop in Montclair NJ
Judith Kottick
Fertility Counseling and Consulting Services
(973) 746-7370
www.jkfertilitycounseling.com
judykottick@comcast.net
Fertility Counseling and Consulting Services
(973) 746-7370
www.jkfertilitycounseling.com
judykottick@comcast.net
Monday, February 21, 2011
DE Moms Talking To Their Kids in 2011
Or talking to your friends, family, doctors ?
Let me know if you'd like to join the conversation and what you'd like to add.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Please contact me directly at SAXEL95@AOL.COM.
Let me know if you'd like to join the conversation and what you'd like to add.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Please contact me directly at SAXEL95@AOL.COM.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
The Family Scholars
From the Family Scholars-the meanest cruelest bloggers out there and this is what the say about posting comments
on their site:
Bloggers and commenters: be rigorous, be powerful, be funny, but don't be mean.
on their site:
Bloggers and commenters: be rigorous, be powerful, be funny, but don't be mean.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
A Conversation with Mikki Morrisette of Choicemoms.org
I'm, always on the look-out for good info to share with our Choice Moms of The NYC Gathering, or Single Mothers by Choice. In the disclosure discussions we deal with how, when and what to tell our children and the others in our lives. Here is Mikki's take on how to deal with the others in our lives during the early years.
About filling our paperwork for schools etc....
"Most women I've heard of opt to put N/A, or leave it blank, on birth certificates. I think in the case of schools the same would apply. But it might also be important to make a note that the child is "from a Choice Mom family, meaning I opted to build our family despite the lack of a partner."
That's basically what I did.
Similar to adoptive families, it becomes important at times for good teachers to understand that not everyone is coming from the traditional family. At least where I am, there is more open discussion about it in those early years to lay the groundwork.
Especially when it comes to the family tree assignments that start to happen in kindergarten. It's good to walk tall and proud. :-)
One innovative solution to the family tree assignments, which happen in early school years, is an idea that my daughter and I came up with years ago.
On our birthdays, we draw a flower and, in the roots and stems and petals, write the names of the people who are most important to us. (It's interesting to note how some vary from year to year, and who remains the same.) Rather than noticing a blank side of the family, as with traditional family trees, where "biological dad's" side cannot be filled in adequately, we focus our efforts on recognizing that there are many friends and family in our network who help us evolve as the person we are becoming."
About filling our paperwork for schools etc....
"Most women I've heard of opt to put N/A, or leave it blank, on birth certificates. I think in the case of schools the same would apply. But it might also be important to make a note that the child is "from a Choice Mom family, meaning I opted to build our family despite the lack of a partner."
That's basically what I did.
Similar to adoptive families, it becomes important at times for good teachers to understand that not everyone is coming from the traditional family. At least where I am, there is more open discussion about it in those early years to lay the groundwork.
Especially when it comes to the family tree assignments that start to happen in kindergarten. It's good to walk tall and proud. :-)
One innovative solution to the family tree assignments, which happen in early school years, is an idea that my daughter and I came up with years ago.
On our birthdays, we draw a flower and, in the roots and stems and petals, write the names of the people who are most important to us. (It's interesting to note how some vary from year to year, and who remains the same.) Rather than noticing a blank side of the family, as with traditional family trees, where "biological dad's" side cannot be filled in adequately, we focus our efforts on recognizing that there are many friends and family in our network who help us evolve as the person we are becoming."
You can read more about this, and see an example, here: http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/70/the_family_tree_assignment
Mikki Morrissette
http://www.choicemoms.org
Thanks again Mikki. So great to have you here in NYC!
Mikki Morrissette
http://www.choicemoms.org
Thanks again Mikki. So great to have you here in NYC!
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