Drug Tests for Child Support: A Hundred Kinds of Wrong | Des Moines Register Staff Blogs

The first paragraph is very similar to my own story. Its only through donor parenting that I find it necessary to distinguish father from step-father. I truly know who my dad was. If I had to make it sound different before, I would say my first father and then my second father. My first father wanted me to call my second father "Daddy Al". I just called him what he was, Daddy.
http://blogs.desmoinesregister.com/dmr/index.php/2012/04/14/drug-tests-for-child-support-a-hundred-kinds-of-wrong/
Sara Axel
516-967-7430
Saxel95@aol.com

Is the Egg Donor Given Too Much Attention and Status in the Disclosure Discussion?

These are the questions raised during a recent dinner with a friend and colleague, and fellow Mom Via Egg Donation. What part or role does or should the donor play in our family life?


Is there really a person who should be part of the family tree or is this the person to whom we are infinitely grateful for providing the help we needed (a tissue donation) in our being able to get conceive and carry a child?


If Egg Donors are signing off to not have a legal claim to the child, not interested in identity release or an open (known) donation, then why do we make more meaning of it when it comes to our own families?  Or is it our community of mental health professionals making more meaning of the donor?

I've met many parents and IP's via Donor Conception. They represent a wide range of people, with as many variations and opinions as there are on any topic involving babies and children... Birth, conception, child care, nutrition, immunization, education, to name a few.


People in general are very opinionated and for some reason more vocal about these issues than they are about equally charged topics such as politics and sex (our current media and entertainment culture notwithstanding). We seem particularly interested, once we are however involved in Donor Conception, in imparting our belief systems onto other, equally qualified individuals, who are making choices and caring for their families. We all want to think we know what's best for our, or all, children.


In every family, Donor Conceived or not, they will surely tell us at some point whether we were right or wrong, and everything and anything in between.

Sara Axel
516-967-7430
Saxel95@aol.com

JPost: Another Landmark Case Decided in Israel - An Egg Donor is Not The Mom.

JPost Article Of Special Interest to Jewish Parents via Egg Donation and Surrogacy.
..."Further, the ministry argued that Israeli law provides that in cases of egg donation, only the birth mother is considered the mother of a baby, not the egg donor."
http://www.jpost.com/LandedPages/NYCAbout.aspx
Sara Axel
516-967-7430
Saxel95@aol.com

SPECIAL EVENT & PRESENTATION OF THE NYC GATHERING TUESDAY MARCH 20TH

On Tuesday March 20th we will have a special presentation on Embryo Disposition covering the emotional and legal aspects of this important decision-making process. Here is a note from Amy Demma, Esq:

We understand that many who have struggled with infertility and particularly those who have relied on egg donation for family building may, some time later, be dealing with excess embryo disposition. Many feel stuck in their decision making about embryos left-over from previous IVF cycles while others are seeking information about disposition options.

New York Attorney Amy Demma, someone both with personally and professionally experienced with residual embryo disposition will offer information about disposition options both in a legal and practical context.

Anne F Malave, PhD will share with the group the outcome of much research on the emotional aspects of this matter. We intend to offer both information and strategies on making a final decision regarding excess embryos.


I am happy to offer a gratis phone consult. We need to start talking about residual embryos, we need to start getting good information out to those who may be otherwise indecisive about disposition.

This is a dinner event in Midtown with a $10-20 average cost, min $5.

Please contact me directly for more info asap and to confirm your reservation.
Thanks and best to all,

Sara Axel
516-967-7430
http://donorgroupsnyc.blogspot.com/
http://www.meetup.com/New-York-PVED

Family StoriesWorkshop, Talking to Children about Donor Origins by Judith Kottick, LCSW

THIS WORKSHOP IS FOR PARENTS, parents-to-be and professionals who would like to learn how to talk to children about their family origins.

For additional information call (973) 746-7370 or email judykottick@comcast.net.

12:30-12:45 Registration

12:45-2:00 Creating the Family Story: Conversations for parents about donor and surrogacy

2:00-2:45 Donor Parenting in the 21st Century: Available resources

2:45-3.15 Refreshments/Group Discussion

3:15-4:15 Panel discussion: Parents and donor-conceived children bring to life the disclosure process

4:15-4:30 Questions/Comments

JUDITH KOTTICK, LCSW  Director of Fertility Counseling and Consulting Services, a psychotherapist and recognized expert in the field of reproductive counseling. Consultant to fertility practices, donor agencies, reproductive attorneys and surrogacy agencies. Private practice in Montclair, NJ.

Judith Kottick, LCSW (http://www.jkfertilitycounseling.com/)
  Consultant to RMA, NJ and private psychotherapy practice in Summit,

Jennifer Gamper Meenan, RN, BSN, LCSW

NJ. Former nurse at the Institute of Reproductive Medicine and Sciences at St. Barnabas Medical Center and RMA NJ.

ROFESSIONALLY LED WORKSHOP DEVELOPED BY JUDITH KOTTICK, LCSWSSISTED BY JENNIFER GAMPER MEENAN, RN, BSN, LCSW

Workshop Schedule

Adoption and Third Party Parenting Resources

Worth repeating, I wish there were half as many resources for Third Party Parenting as there is for Adoption.
This is a highly recommended series and organization.
Adoption education online for adoptive parents and families ...
Courses and webinars offering adoption education to parents. Topics include attachment disorder, talking to children about adoption, grief and adoption and ...
www.adoptionlearningpartners.org/catalog/index.cfm
Sara Axel
516-967-7430
Saxel95@aol.com

Uterine transplants: a new frontier in science | The Indianapolis Star | indystar.com

Let's just say for the moment that this is medically all good, would there be any question as to who is the mother in this scenario?

http://www.indystar.com/article/20111218/LOCAL/112180353/Uterine-transplants-new-frontier-science?odyssey=tab%7Ctopnews%7Ctext%7CIndyStar.com

Is It Really Possible to Love an Adopted Child as Much as a Biological Child? | Creating a Family

Actually, its Pat Irwin Johnston's comment that resonates with me the most because it speaks to all relationships, regardless of age,gender, biology, genetics and applies to any stage in our lives.
http://www.creatingafamily.org/blog/adoptive-parenting/love-adopted-child-biological-child/

ANNOUNCEMENT:Choosing Positive and Realistic Language In Creating Our Family-Building Narrative

Ok, now that I have your attention, I am once again very excited to announce that Lisa Schuman, LCSW will be our Guest Speaker at our next meeting of The NYC Gathering, January 26th,2012.


Lisa has helped our group members through her private practice and on the staff at RMA NY. I first met Lisa when I went with a friend to a patient information night at RMA, as Lisa joined their team after I had my kids through RMA. I was impressed, so I booked a private session for myself as well as a session for the group (Lisa spoke to us about decision-making, adoption and donor conception the first time she joined us).


Lisa will be generously giving us her time and expertise again on January 26, 2012 and the topic is Language.....


Starting a conversation about Third Party Reproduction and Parenting, pioneering into territories unknown, can be daunting. For those of you who are totally comfortable and have the language of your story working well for you, please come and share with us. For those of you who have not quite settled on what to say, or feel like you haven't been able to flow with it the way you'd like to, or that you would like to fine-tune what you've got, then this meeting is for you.


On a personal note, I wanted to have this topic for a group meeting because I continue to strive for greater clarity and the right words for me to describe my particular situation and others. I surely don't have to be perfect. I will allow myself more "do-overs" if I need them. But I do want to use words that are sensitive and accurate, that my kids and adults can understand and that I am comfortable speaking.


Please join us. I hope you can attend.

That very same year, on December 5, Trizila became little Kate's mother. From Parenting.com and CNN.com

Tue November 29, 2011
I have to thank the writer and interview participants of this article.
Single mom Jo Trizila didn't wait for the perfect man to start her family and encourages single women yearning for a child to 'go for it' like she did.
There was a time when gay parents and single adoptive mothers were unheard of, but the new norm is that almost anything works well as long as there's a dedicated adult and plenty of love.(SO GLAD TO HEAR THIS,AND READ ABOUT IT ON CNN!)
Christopher Fraley, 42, and Victor Self, 41, Parents of 20-month-old Coco.
Christopher Fraley and Victor Self became the first same-sex couple in Rye, New York, to legally wed. Coco, their daughter, was right by their side.
Fraley and Self met in 2003. "I saw kids in my life, and Chris did, too," Self remembers. Eventually, "we decided to get married," adds Fraley...
While their attitude toward fatherhood is traditional, the way they became dads isn't: Coco was born through a surrogate, using a donor egg. In expanding their family, Self and Fraley joined the growing number of same-sex parents in America today: somewhere between 1.5 million and 5 million, according to rough U.S. Census estimates, up from 300,000 to 500,000 in 1976.
The surrogacy process took two years: One egg donor became ill, then a first surrogate failed to get pregnant. But in February 2010, Kira, their second surrogate, gave birth to 8-pound-9-ounce Coco.
Strangers are mostly respectful, which doesn't surprise Adam Pertman, executive director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, headquartered in New York City. "As support for legal gay marriage has grown, along with the body of research that shows same-sex parents to be just as committed, so, too, has the acceptance of gay parenthood," he says. Still, Fraley admits, people can be insensitive. "Sometimes they ask, 'Where'd you get your baby?' like we bought her at Target," he says. "I say, 'She was born, just like you.' Another person recently asked, 'Whose sperm did you use?' "
(I LOVE THIS IS PART, THANK YOU ADAM PERTMAN-WE NEED TO PREPARE FOR THIS WITH ALL THIRD PARTY REPRODUCTION, DONOR CONCEPTION, OLDER PARENTING FAMILIES)....
Coco may face a few awkward scenarios, too, as she grows. "Kids can sometimes look down on children from single-sex households, and tell them their family isn't real," Pertman says. "Coco may also start seeing news stories that upset her, like another state wanting to pass an amendment stigmatizing gay marriage. Chris and Victor will need to discuss these issues with her."

They've already steeled themselves for the questions she'll likely have. "Why don't I have a mommy?" may be answered with "Because you have two daddies." It helps that the definition of family is growing, just like Coco. "Is it such a big deal?" asks Fraley. "Look around. All families are different."

Single mom that didn't wait for the perfect man to start her family and encourages single women yearning for a child to 'go for it' like she did.
Jo Trizila, 40, Single Mom to Kate, 2 remembers the conversation with her mom that changed her life. It was her 35th birthday, and they were talking about how some of Trizila's friends had gotten married just to have kids, and were miserable now. "I said, 'I don't want to do that. If I haven't met the right guy by the time I'm 37, what would you and Dad think if I have a baby anyway?' Mom said, 'If you can afford a child, we'll support you 100 percent.' "
By the time her 37th birthday rolled around, Trizila still hadn't met the perfect man. By then she was running a public relations firm she'd founded -- the kind of success that's helping to fuel a rise in single-mom adoptions, notes Pertman, the adoption-institute executive director. "As women like Jo find good careers and their earnings grow, there's less need to find a partner to make having a family feasible."
Trizila considered getting pregnant, "but part of me was saying 'Is it worth finding a sperm donor and doing in vitro? What about adoption?' .....
... By the summer of 2009, she was cleared to adopt. "I was told to expect a couple of years' wait," Trizila recalls. But that September, a woman due to give birth shortly selected her to raise her child.
(I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS STATEMENT):
That very same year, on December 5, Trizila became little Kate's mother.
(ISNT THAT PERFECT!? WHY DON'T WE JUST TALK ABOUT DONOR CONCEPTION AND SURROGACY THAT WAY?)
I'd never understood how you could love someone you'd never met. But I got it the moment I held Kate," she says. Rocking her daughter in the maternity ward, she thought back to her own hospital stay as a teen, for a life-threatening brain abscess and aplastic anemia. "I'd always wondered why I had survived.That night with Kate, a voice in my head said, 'You survived to be Kate's mom.' "
While she's a single mother, there are plenty of people in Kate's orbit....Still, solo parenting has drawbacks. "There's no one to ask 'Am I doing the right thing?' " Trizila says. It's also annoying when she gets asked "Are you dating anyone?" She still hopes to meet a great guy, but is happy being single for the time being. "Are Kate and I that unusual?" she muses. "Look at the divorce statistics. There are a lot of single moms -- they just didn't adopt." (In fact, about one quarter of all kids are raised by solo parents.)
Yet she'd recommend her own path to parenthood to anyone. "If I convince just one single woman out there who's yearning for a child to go for it, this interview will have been worthwhile."
(PS-I KNOW HOW SHE FEELS!)
http://www.cnn.com/2011/11/29/living/the-new-normal-p/index.html

What If You Discovered You Had 150 Siblings? | AndersonCooper.com

Wendy Kramer of The Donor Sibling Registry is on Anderson Cooper. Two genetic half-siblings meet for the first time on the show. Here are a few clips. The entire program to be uploaded soon,

http://www.andersoncooper.com/2011/11/17/siblings/

Surrogacy: Parenting the hard way - Features - Health & Families - The Independent

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/surrogacy-parenting-the-hard-way-6262215.html

The Salem State Log

SSU Student's Post-Grad Search will be for Her Biological Parents.

I like her attitude...

Salem State Log

I'm not part of an open adoption, and my mother suggests that my birth parents may have been friends and things may have escalated to another level for a brief time. There's no guarantee if I do decide to make contact that I'll find both parents. .

http://www.salemstatelog.com/mobile/features/ssu-student-s-post-grad-search-will-be-for-her-biological-parents-1.2684417

New Studies on Family and Parenthood in ART

Linda Layne is an accomplished researcher on Family and Parenthood in the context of Cultural Anthropology and has begun research on a new study.
Published today: Studies in "Choice Moms" – Single Mothers (and Mums) by Choice.
Rensselaer Professor Compares Single Mothers by Choice in U.S. Versus U.K.
Here is a little about the study and Linda Layne's background.
While at Cambridge, Layne is researching the differences between American and British single mothers by choice, studying the religious, political, racial, and class contexts in which alternative families have emerged, and the social and cultural resources upon which they draw.
In her book, Motherhood Lost: A Feminist Account of Pregnancy Loss in America, Layne used the lens of anthropology to explain why American women are so ill-prepared for miscarriage, stillbirth, or early infant death and why the feminist movement has not fully embraced this important women's health issue. She further developed a women's health approach to childbearing loss through an 11-part, award-winning television series, "Motherhood Lost: Conversations" produced by George Mason University Television.
She has edited or co-edited two books on motherhood and consumption, a collection on Feminist Technology, and is currently working with British colleagues on a book on reproductive loss and a volume on new trends in parenting.
The Cambridge Centre for Family Research, based in Cambridge University, specializes in research that increases understanding of children, parents, and family relationships with a focus on topics central to public policy, health care, and people's lives. Current research projects on "new families" include a study of adolescents conceived by donor insemination, young adults raised from infancy in lesbian mother families, parent-child relationships and the psychological development of children, bioethics in assisted reproduction and emerging family forms, and parenting and psychological development of adoptive children raised in gay father families.
Read further about the study at
http://www.rpi.edu/index.html

BioNews - One Parent or Five – more of the same from the Commission on Parenthood's Future

Thank you Eric Blyth and BioNews.

http://www.bionews.org.uk/page_110888.asp

Does the Religious Right Really Care about Children?

The Religious Right is having the same effect on heterosexual families created through donor and surrogacy.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/blackberry/p.html?id=1063783

Reinventing the Family: Good Intentions Are Not Enough

Some of the best examples of why people don't tell their kids they are donor conceived are in this article.


The terminology infuriates me. My comments in BLUE in this piece about the new study by Elizabeth Marquardt of The Institute For American Values (because obviously, people who have their families via donor conception and other third party reproduction don't have any American Values).


"As marriage rates plummet and the percentage of intact families sharply declines, experiments  that challenge the fundamental nature of the family are adding to the chaos that threatens civil society (having kids and starting a family is an experiment? Threatens? What fundamental nature of the family?). 


A new report released this month by the Institute for American Values and the Commission on Parenthood's Future explores the impact on children of such experimental arrangements (family is an arrangement? throughout the world. The findings are cause for concern.


The spectrum of associations ( an association?) referred to as "families" (putting the word in quotes is supposed to mean it's use is totally bogus) ranges from single parenthood by choice to networks of multiple adults called "parents." Often masking the profoundly negative consequences for children of these experimental living arrangements (maybe they wouldn't be so negatively effected if people like you weren't shoving it in their face about how bad you think they and their family are just for being who they are), those who advocate such alternative household structures (another strange name for family) describe them in Orwellian terms."


(PS-just one more reminder that having good intentions are just not good enough. I wonder what, if anything, about me and my family would ever be good enough for you.)

http://blog.heritage.org/2011/10/24/reinventing-the-family-good-intentions-are-not-enough/

Who Are You? The Ethics and Impact of Donor Conception | Independent Lens Blog

"Donor-conceived children often feel as adopted kids do: that the secrecy around their creation makes it feel taboo or shameful."


I think the secrecy is because of what's waiting on the other side of disclosure and that is was causes the shame.


If we are open about donor conception, how can we then be prepared when our kids read and hear from allover the media and close to home that all ivf and third party reproduction is unethical in the first place, that its also "the fertility industry's dirty little secret", and that parents like me have used an egg donor and "left them to be used and then forgotten", we are going to need more tools than a few children's books to deal with this issue,


Remember, its about the kids, right?

http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/blog/who-are-you-the-ethics-and-impact-of-donor-conception

Married nurse hopes to have world's first baby from womb transplant (donated by her MOTHER) | Mail Online

Would anyone argue who is the baby's mother?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2050401/Married-nurse-hopes-worlds-baby-womb-transplant-donated-MOTHER.html?ITO=1490

DonorSiblingRegistry.com: Managing Success Story

https://www.donorsiblingregistry.com/members/ViewSuccess.php?ssID=130&seed=23553&PHPSESSID=d8ku0d8oq3264606vnm1kgc4s5