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Showing posts with label Choice Moms. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Choice Moms. Show all posts
Friday, November 11, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
New Studies on Family and Parenthood in ART
Linda Layne is an accomplished researcher on Family and Parenthood in the context of Cultural Anthropology and has begun research on a new study.
Published today: Studies in "Choice Moms" – Single Mothers (and Mums) by Choice.
Rensselaer Professor Compares Single Mothers by Choice in U.S. Versus U.K.
Here is a little about the study and Linda Layne's background.
While at Cambridge, Layne is researching the differences between American and British single mothers by choice, studying the religious, political, racial, and class contexts in which alternative families have emerged, and the social and cultural resources upon which they draw.
In her book, Motherhood Lost: A Feminist Account of Pregnancy Loss in America, Layne used the lens of anthropology to explain why American women are so ill-prepared for miscarriage, stillbirth, or early infant death and why the feminist movement has not fully embraced this important women's health issue. She further developed a women's health approach to childbearing loss through an 11-part, award-winning television series, "Motherhood Lost: Conversations" produced by George Mason University Television.
She has edited or co-edited two books on motherhood and consumption, a collection on Feminist Technology, and is currently working with British colleagues on a book on reproductive loss and a volume on new trends in parenting.
The Cambridge Centre for Family Research, based in Cambridge University, specializes in research that increases understanding of children, parents, and family relationships with a focus on topics central to public policy, health care, and people's lives. Current research projects on "new families" include a study of adolescents conceived by donor insemination, young adults raised from infancy in lesbian mother families, parent-child relationships and the psychological development of children, bioethics in assisted reproduction and emerging family forms, and parenting and psychological development of adoptive children raised in gay father families.
Read further about the study at
http://www.rpi.edu/index.html
Published today: Studies in "Choice Moms" – Single Mothers (and Mums) by Choice.
Rensselaer Professor Compares Single Mothers by Choice in U.S. Versus U.K.
Here is a little about the study and Linda Layne's background.
While at Cambridge, Layne is researching the differences between American and British single mothers by choice, studying the religious, political, racial, and class contexts in which alternative families have emerged, and the social and cultural resources upon which they draw.
In her book, Motherhood Lost: A Feminist Account of Pregnancy Loss in America, Layne used the lens of anthropology to explain why American women are so ill-prepared for miscarriage, stillbirth, or early infant death and why the feminist movement has not fully embraced this important women's health issue. She further developed a women's health approach to childbearing loss through an 11-part, award-winning television series, "Motherhood Lost: Conversations" produced by George Mason University Television.
She has edited or co-edited two books on motherhood and consumption, a collection on Feminist Technology, and is currently working with British colleagues on a book on reproductive loss and a volume on new trends in parenting.
The Cambridge Centre for Family Research, based in Cambridge University, specializes in research that increases understanding of children, parents, and family relationships with a focus on topics central to public policy, health care, and people's lives. Current research projects on "new families" include a study of adolescents conceived by donor insemination, young adults raised from infancy in lesbian mother families, parent-child relationships and the psychological development of children, bioethics in assisted reproduction and emerging family forms, and parenting and psychological development of adoptive children raised in gay father families.
Read further about the study at
http://www.rpi.edu/index.html
Monday, October 3, 2011
MAYBE I'LL JOIN THE DSR WHEN WE MEET WENDY IN PERSON AT THE NYC GATHERING DINNER ON OCTOBER 17, 2011
PLEASE CONFIRM YOUR RESERVATION FOR THE NYC GATHERING DINNER ON OCTOBER 17,2011 BY DIRECT EMAIL TO SAXEL95@AOL.COM.
WENDY KRAMER AND HER SON RYAN WILL GIVE US AN OVERVIEW OF THE DONOR SIBLING REGISTRY AND TELL US MORE ABOUT THEIR OWN EXPERIENCE AS A DONOR-CONCEIVED FAMILY. WE WILL HAVE AN OPEN FORMAT DISCUSSION AND ALL ARE WELCOME TO ATTEND WITH A CONFIRMED REGISTRATION.
THANKS AND BEST TO ALL!
WENDY KRAMER AND HER SON RYAN WILL GIVE US AN OVERVIEW OF THE DONOR SIBLING REGISTRY AND TELL US MORE ABOUT THEIR OWN EXPERIENCE AS A DONOR-CONCEIVED FAMILY. WE WILL HAVE AN OPEN FORMAT DISCUSSION AND ALL ARE WELCOME TO ATTEND WITH A CONFIRMED REGISTRATION.
THANKS AND BEST TO ALL!
OCT 3, 2011 REVISITING OCT 13,2010, ORIGINALLY POSTED MARCH 2009
I HAVE SHARED THIS TWICE BEFORE, MY KIDS ARE NOW 7. MAYBE I'LL JOIN THE DSR WHEN WE MEET WENDY IN PERSON AT THE NYC GATHERING DINNER ON OCT 17, 2011.
''Nancy and Elizabeth run a great group. We shared our thoughts, feelings and experiences and everyone was heard and supported, all within our varying opinions and perspectives.
Particularly helpful to me was hearing Eric Schwartzman's views on being a DI Dad and we all considered how donor conception and all the 3rd party options impact our kids and how we think we will handle it into the future.
For me, I'm not ready for the DSR, but learning from everyone here at this meeting (pro and con), I am trying to remain open-minded and gear myself up for whatever approach my kids want to take when the time comes. My aim would be to support them and help them accomplish their goals and meet their own needs. I hope they too will share their journey with me.
I was also able to explore my own issues as they pertain to DE, ie my family of origin, my heritage, my genome. And back to understanding that it isnt just about me anymore. As Nancy has told me, this is now OUR FAMILY story, not just mine or my kids.''
''Nancy and Elizabeth run a great group. We shared our thoughts, feelings and experiences and everyone was heard and supported, all within our varying opinions and perspectives.
Particularly helpful to me was hearing Eric Schwartzman's views on being a DI Dad and we all considered how donor conception and all the 3rd party options impact our kids and how we think we will handle it into the future.
For me, I'm not ready for the DSR, but learning from everyone here at this meeting (pro and con), I am trying to remain open-minded and gear myself up for whatever approach my kids want to take when the time comes. My aim would be to support them and help them accomplish their goals and meet their own needs. I hope they too will share their journey with me.
I was also able to explore my own issues as they pertain to DE, ie my family of origin, my heritage, my genome. And back to understanding that it isnt just about me anymore. As Nancy has told me, this is now OUR FAMILY story, not just mine or my kids.''
Friday, September 9, 2011
The NYC Gathering Dinner Meetings September 20th, October 17th.
Tuesday September 20, 6-8pm in Midtown with Special Guest, Judy Kottick, LCSW. The topic will be, "How to Talk with the Others in Your Life about Donor Conception".
Monday October 17, 6-9pm in Midtown with Special Guests, Wendy Kramer and her son Ryan Kramer of The Donor Sibling Registry.
Please Register for these events to Saxel95@aol.com.
Sara Axel
516-967-7430
Monday October 17, 6-9pm in Midtown with Special Guests, Wendy Kramer and her son Ryan Kramer of The Donor Sibling Registry.
Please Register for these events to Saxel95@aol.com.
Sara Axel
516-967-7430
Monday, September 5, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Is Your Sperm Donor Dapper? - Jezebel
The worlds of donor conception and mens fashion have finally intersected.
http://m.jezebel.com/5824506/is-your-sperm-donor-dapper
http://m.jezebel.com/5824506/is-your-sperm-donor-dapper
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
From Mikki Morrissette: Special Resources for Single Women Building Families
As we develop more (largely free) e-books and other special guides for the Choice Mom community, I thought it would be helpful to list everything so far available. This list will grow in 2011, as we emphasize e-guides, including the upcoming Choice Mom E-Guide to Embryo Donation.
Please feel free to post this compilation on your website or otherwise share with your community. We'd love to collaborate on e-guides on other topics in 2011. Send me your thoughts.
If it's easier, this is a direct link to the ChoiceMoms.org post that provides direct links to the guides:
http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/383/special_choice_mom_resource_compilation
Special Resources for the Choice Mom/SMC community
"http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/379/new_guide_to_sperm_banks_and_donor_conception/">Choice Mom Guide to Donor Sperm
The 28-page guidebook offers Q&A about key sperm bank policies... suggestions on how to make contact with donor families... resources for talking to your child... explanations about washed v. unwashed and more... expert insight on genetic testing... and a checklist of questions to ask your sperm bank.
http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/56/do_i_have_a_dad/ Do I Have a Dad? CD
This special 50-minute audio compilation features interviews with four experts (including two therapists from the Bay Area) about talking to our children about "daddies" and donors. It includes conversations with six Choice Moms about the kinds of questions and concerns they face as their children start using the daddy term or connect with their known donors. And it includes the insight of an anonymous donor who has had contact with grown offspring.
http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/231/choice_mom_guide_to_fertility/Choice Moms Guide to Fertility
Excerpt, from Choice Mom Cathi: "I never knew what a dolt I was about female fertility until I tried to understand my own. I wish it was as easy as coping with a bad golf game or quitting smoking. Practice doesn't help, and there are no tasty spearmint Bun-in-the-Oven gums to chew. No, there are long uncomfortable minutes with your toes in the air (I seem to recall that some don't conceive this way, but I'm having trouble remembering the concept). I tried ovulation test strips. These are great because I never get tired of peeing on things, especially my own hands."
http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/230/choice_mom_guide_to_adoption/Choice Mom Guide to Adoption
A 100-page compilation of expert insights and personal Choice Mom stories about the myths and realities of: building transracial families, negotiating open relationships with birth parents, the cost and accessibility of adoption to single women, bonding with your adopted child, parenting over 40, foster care options, and much more.
http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/226/what_choice_moms_are_listening_to/Choice Chat podcasts
With more than 34,000 downloads, these popular conversations cover everything from negotiating with a known donor, to everything you might want to know about at-home insemination, to profiles of women on the Choice Mom journey.
http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/327/happy_new_year_choice_moms/Choice of Choice Moms: 2010
Our top tips featured on ChoiceMoms.org in 2010, featuring everything from Organization to Building a Support Network, Q&A to Commentary.
http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/326/new_our_top_10_choice_mom_profiles/Top 10 Choice Mom Profiles: 2010
A compilation of some of the best personal stories shared on ChoiceMoms.org in 2010.
http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/233/voices_of_donor_conception/Voices of Donor Conception
Whether you are married or single, understanding the ramifications of using donor gametes can be scary. Here are unique perspectives shared from donor-conceived offspring, an anonymous donor, and the co-founder of Donor Sibling Registry.
Mikki Morrissette
Founder, Choice Moms
http://www.choicemoms.org
fax: (612) 225-1809
Please feel free to post this compilation on your website or otherwise share with your community. We'd love to collaborate on e-guides on other topics in 2011. Send me your thoughts.
If it's easier, this is a direct link to the ChoiceMoms.org post that provides direct links to the guides:
http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/383/special_choice_mom_resource_compilation
Special Resources for the Choice Mom/SMC community
"http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/379/new_guide_to_sperm_banks_and_donor_conception/">Choice Mom Guide to Donor Sperm
The 28-page guidebook offers Q&A about key sperm bank policies... suggestions on how to make contact with donor families... resources for talking to your child... explanations about washed v. unwashed and more... expert insight on genetic testing... and a checklist of questions to ask your sperm bank.
http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/56/do_i_have_a_dad/ Do I Have a Dad? CD
This special 50-minute audio compilation features interviews with four experts (including two therapists from the Bay Area) about talking to our children about "daddies" and donors. It includes conversations with six Choice Moms about the kinds of questions and concerns they face as their children start using the daddy term or connect with their known donors. And it includes the insight of an anonymous donor who has had contact with grown offspring.
http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/231/choice_mom_guide_to_fertility/Choice Moms Guide to Fertility
Excerpt, from Choice Mom Cathi: "I never knew what a dolt I was about female fertility until I tried to understand my own. I wish it was as easy as coping with a bad golf game or quitting smoking. Practice doesn't help, and there are no tasty spearmint Bun-in-the-Oven gums to chew. No, there are long uncomfortable minutes with your toes in the air (I seem to recall that some don't conceive this way, but I'm having trouble remembering the concept). I tried ovulation test strips. These are great because I never get tired of peeing on things, especially my own hands."
http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/230/choice_mom_guide_to_adoption/Choice Mom Guide to Adoption
A 100-page compilation of expert insights and personal Choice Mom stories about the myths and realities of: building transracial families, negotiating open relationships with birth parents, the cost and accessibility of adoption to single women, bonding with your adopted child, parenting over 40, foster care options, and much more.
http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/226/what_choice_moms_are_listening_to/Choice Chat podcasts
With more than 34,000 downloads, these popular conversations cover everything from negotiating with a known donor, to everything you might want to know about at-home insemination, to profiles of women on the Choice Mom journey.
http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/327/happy_new_year_choice_moms/Choice of Choice Moms: 2010
Our top tips featured on ChoiceMoms.org in 2010, featuring everything from Organization to Building a Support Network, Q&A to Commentary.
http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/326/new_our_top_10_choice_mom_profiles/Top 10 Choice Mom Profiles: 2010
A compilation of some of the best personal stories shared on ChoiceMoms.org in 2010.
http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/233/voices_of_donor_conception/Voices of Donor Conception
Whether you are married or single, understanding the ramifications of using donor gametes can be scary. Here are unique perspectives shared from donor-conceived offspring, an anonymous donor, and the co-founder of Donor Sibling Registry.
Mikki Morrissette
Founder, Choice Moms
http://www.choicemoms.org
fax: (612) 225-1809
Sunday, January 23, 2011
A Conversation with Mikki Morrisette of Choicemoms.org
I'm, always on the look-out for good info to share with our Choice Moms of The NYC Gathering, or Single Mothers by Choice. In the disclosure discussions we deal with how, when and what to tell our children and the others in our lives. Here is Mikki's take on how to deal with the others in our lives during the early years.
About filling our paperwork for schools etc....
"Most women I've heard of opt to put N/A, or leave it blank, on birth certificates. I think in the case of schools the same would apply. But it might also be important to make a note that the child is "from a Choice Mom family, meaning I opted to build our family despite the lack of a partner."
That's basically what I did.
Similar to adoptive families, it becomes important at times for good teachers to understand that not everyone is coming from the traditional family. At least where I am, there is more open discussion about it in those early years to lay the groundwork.
Especially when it comes to the family tree assignments that start to happen in kindergarten. It's good to walk tall and proud. :-)
One innovative solution to the family tree assignments, which happen in early school years, is an idea that my daughter and I came up with years ago.
On our birthdays, we draw a flower and, in the roots and stems and petals, write the names of the people who are most important to us. (It's interesting to note how some vary from year to year, and who remains the same.) Rather than noticing a blank side of the family, as with traditional family trees, where "biological dad's" side cannot be filled in adequately, we focus our efforts on recognizing that there are many friends and family in our network who help us evolve as the person we are becoming."
About filling our paperwork for schools etc....
"Most women I've heard of opt to put N/A, or leave it blank, on birth certificates. I think in the case of schools the same would apply. But it might also be important to make a note that the child is "from a Choice Mom family, meaning I opted to build our family despite the lack of a partner."
That's basically what I did.
Similar to adoptive families, it becomes important at times for good teachers to understand that not everyone is coming from the traditional family. At least where I am, there is more open discussion about it in those early years to lay the groundwork.
Especially when it comes to the family tree assignments that start to happen in kindergarten. It's good to walk tall and proud. :-)
One innovative solution to the family tree assignments, which happen in early school years, is an idea that my daughter and I came up with years ago.
On our birthdays, we draw a flower and, in the roots and stems and petals, write the names of the people who are most important to us. (It's interesting to note how some vary from year to year, and who remains the same.) Rather than noticing a blank side of the family, as with traditional family trees, where "biological dad's" side cannot be filled in adequately, we focus our efforts on recognizing that there are many friends and family in our network who help us evolve as the person we are becoming."
You can read more about this, and see an example, here: http://www.choicemoms.org/blog/70/the_family_tree_assignment
Mikki Morrissette
http://www.choicemoms.org
Thanks again Mikki. So great to have you here in NYC!
Mikki Morrissette
http://www.choicemoms.org
Thanks again Mikki. So great to have you here in NYC!
Monday, December 13, 2010
The NYC Gathering 12.14.10 Update
THIS SUNDAY-THE NYC GATHERING-Lets get together! We have many yeses so far, we need to finalize plans for Sunday, Dec 19, saxel95@aol.com
The NYC Gathering Womens Dinner in Midtown- Mondays,Jan 10, Feb 7, March 7, April 4, May 9, June 6, 6-8 pm, saxel95@aol.com, 516-967-7430.
Long Island Resolve Peer-Led Support Group-Third Thursdays Monthly, 7-9pm. Saxel95@aol.com, 516-967-7430.
NEW JERSEY GET-TOGETHER IN JANUARY-Sunday January 9-All-inclusive Gathering, Saxel95@aol.com.
Tuesdays -Judith Kottick,LCSW -Montclair NJ,Support Group for Donor Parenting mailto:Judykottick@comcast.net Tuesdays Dec-7, Workshop in Montclair April 2, 2011, details to follow or contact Judy directly now.
Weds-Midtown-Family Building Network for Donor Conception and Surrogacy-Support Group with Patricia Mendell, LCSW, Pmendell@aol.com Dec 15,Jan 19 from 7-9pm.
Weds-Anne Malave, PHd-Support Group for Women Exploring Egg Donation-2nd and 4th Weds of the month, 7-8:30 pm, afmalave@aol.com ,212-787-1304.
Tues-Third Party Parenting Network,Upper West Side-Dec 14,Support Group, Nancy Kaufman, LCSW, 212-772-1200 or thirdpartyparenting@yahoo.com.
Janet Mueller, PsyD., Primary Infertility Group, Tuesdays 7-8:30 in Plainview Long Island, $320 for 8 Sessions, Janetmu@earthlink.net.
Monday January 10th - the first of 4 (ongoing) classes in mind/body stress reduction @ NYU Fertility Center. Helen Adrienne, LCSW, BCD Psychotherapist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Practitioner of Mind/Body Therapy,420 East 64th Street,212-758-0125,helen@mind-body-unity.com
Thursdays-Midtown Not strictly Third Party Reproduction, open (free) drop-in group Carolyn Berger, LCSW. at Batzofin Fertility Center in Midtown on the 1st and 3rd Thursday each month, 6-7:3pm. cnberger@optonline.net 914-834-6396.
Carolyn Berger is also offering a new FERTILITY DISCUSSION SERIES beginning in January........
Come talk with fertility experts the first Wednesday evening of every month, 6-7:15 pm at Batzofin Fertility Services,NYC. There is no charge. Everyone is welcome to attend.
January 5: “How Healthy Eating and Losing Weight Can Help You Get Pregnant
February 2: “Options in Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART): It Takes a Team”
March 2: “Embryology: Choosing the Best Embryos to Transfer, Intricacies of ICSI and Much More”
April 6: “Can Acupuncture Help Me Get (and Stay) Pregnant?”
May 4: “Love and Infertility: Keeping Your Relationship Alive While Trying to Get Pregnant”
June 1: “Yoga for Fertility”
July 6: “Building Your Family in the LGBT Community"
Thanks and best wishes to all for a happy and healthy holiday season.
Sara Axel
The NYC Gathering
516-967-7430
http://donorgroupsnyc.blogspot.com/
The NYC Gathering Womens Dinner in Midtown- Mondays,Jan 10, Feb 7, March 7, April 4, May 9, June 6, 6-8 pm, saxel95@aol.com, 516-967-7430.
Long Island Resolve Peer-Led Support Group-Third Thursdays Monthly, 7-9pm. Saxel95@aol.com, 516-967-7430.
NEW JERSEY GET-TOGETHER IN JANUARY-Sunday January 9-All-inclusive Gathering, Saxel95@aol.com.
Tuesdays -Judith Kottick,LCSW -Montclair NJ,Support Group for Donor Parenting mailto:Judykottick@comcast.net Tuesdays Dec-7, Workshop in Montclair April 2, 2011, details to follow or contact Judy directly now.
Weds-Midtown-Family Building Network for Donor Conception and Surrogacy-Support Group with Patricia Mendell, LCSW, Pmendell@aol.com Dec 15,Jan 19 from 7-9pm.
Weds-Anne Malave, PHd-Support Group for Women Exploring Egg Donation-2nd and 4th Weds of the month, 7-8:30 pm, afmalave@aol.com ,212-787-1304.
Tues-Third Party Parenting Network,Upper West Side-Dec 14,Support Group, Nancy Kaufman, LCSW, 212-772-1200 or thirdpartyparenting@yahoo.com.
Janet Mueller, PsyD., Primary Infertility Group, Tuesdays 7-8:30 in Plainview Long Island, $320 for 8 Sessions, Janetmu@earthlink.net.
Monday January 10th - the first of 4 (ongoing) classes in mind/body stress reduction @ NYU Fertility Center. Helen Adrienne, LCSW, BCD Psychotherapist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Practitioner of Mind/Body Therapy,420 East 64th Street,212-758-0125,helen@mind-body-unity.com
Thursdays-Midtown Not strictly Third Party Reproduction, open (free) drop-in group Carolyn Berger, LCSW. at Batzofin Fertility Center in Midtown on the 1st and 3rd Thursday each month, 6-7:3pm. cnberger@optonline.net 914-834-6396.
Carolyn Berger is also offering a new FERTILITY DISCUSSION SERIES beginning in January........
Come talk with fertility experts the first Wednesday evening of every month, 6-7:15 pm at Batzofin Fertility Services,NYC. There is no charge. Everyone is welcome to attend.
January 5: “How Healthy Eating and Losing Weight Can Help You Get Pregnant
February 2: “Options in Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART): It Takes a Team”
March 2: “Embryology: Choosing the Best Embryos to Transfer, Intricacies of ICSI and Much More”
April 6: “Can Acupuncture Help Me Get (and Stay) Pregnant?”
May 4: “Love and Infertility: Keeping Your Relationship Alive While Trying to Get Pregnant”
June 1: “Yoga for Fertility”
July 6: “Building Your Family in the LGBT Community"
Thanks and best wishes to all for a happy and healthy holiday season.
Sara Axel
The NYC Gathering
516-967-7430
http://donorgroupsnyc.blogspot.com/
Saturday, November 13, 2010
The NYC Gathering November 14, 2010~More Clinicians, Mental Health Professionals, Healthcare Professionals
Nancy Freeman-Carroll, PsyD-Childrens Book Review (round-table 1)& Nature and Nurture (round-table 2) Nancy is a Clinician in NYC with Group and Private practice in Parenting and Infertility with a focus on Womens Health, Parenting After ART and Family Counseling. She has presented at ASRM and The NYC Gathering and is a DE Mom. (NYCG 1&2)
Patricia Mendell, LCSW and Co-Chair of The AFA-Disclosure and Professionally Led Support Group. Patricia has a Private and Group Practice with a focus on Disclosure as the founder of TheFamily Building
Mary Fusillo, RN, De Mom, The Donor Solution Agency Owner and Healthcare Professional (round-table 1 only) Former Clinic Donor Program Coordinator, and Mom to 12 yo daughter. Mary is a volunteer through Donormoms of Houston
Rosalind Hoffman, MD- DE/DS Mom-Decision-making and donor selection for Choice Moms (roundtable 1 )and general SMC Support with Mary M and Cindy S (round-table2). Long Island Resolve Peer Group Member. General SMC Discussion and Support group to follow with NYC Gathering Members.(CM 1&2)
Patricia Mendell, LCSW and Co-Chair of The AFA-Disclosure and Professionally Led Support Group. Patricia has a Private and Group Practice with a focus on Disclosure as the founder of The
Patricia presented 2 well-received workshops in 2009&2010, Launching The Family Building Network at The NYC Gathering, leading workshops in Creating the Family Story for Families Created Through Donor and Surrogacy. She is a leader in the mental health field helping those facing the challenges of infertility and family-building on a local and national level.
Rev. Susy Nason-Child Development and Family Communication Expert to
introduce and discuss the How To Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk method. (RSN/HTT, 1&2)Liz Swire Falker, JD:Adoption and ART Decision-making at The NYC GATHERING, Nov 14,2010
Liz Swire Falker, JD:Adoption and ART Decision-making (round-table 2 only)Liz shares her perspective and expertise in Family Law and speaks as a peer about her personal experience. She is known as a family advocate and has written and widely on the topic of Family-building in many forms. (LSF,2)
Liz will be joined by Jill R. Shellow, JD of NY, to enhance these discussions with her legal experience in ART parenting.
(Jill was inspired to attend and contribute today as a parent via ART and has attended CLE programs in the legal field that address estate planning issues raised by ART and the developing law. She feels strongly that prospective parents understand the legal ramifications of their choices as well as their social and medical choices and consider how they may intersect in ART Parenting.)
Liz will be joined by Jill R. Shellow, JD of NY, to enhance these discussions with her legal experience in ART parenting.
(Jill was inspired to attend and contribute today as a parent via ART and has attended CLE programs in the legal field that address estate planning issues raised by ART and the developing law. She feels strongly that prospective parents understand the legal ramifications of their choices as well as their social and medical choices and consider how they may intersect in ART Parenting.)
Judy Kottick at The NYC Gathering November 14,2010
Judy Kottick-LCSW-Talking with Friends and Family Judy is a Clinician in Private Practice facilitating Donor Parenting groups, is on staff at IVF NJ
Here are some of the questions I posed to Judy for Sundays discussion groups:
Since we can't un-tell and we have already told so much of our fertility/trying to conceive story but then shut down when it came to using a donor, can you tell us how to re-build some privacy without alienating people or feeling like we are living a lie to the people we are close to?
Also, what do you think makes a patient emotionally ''ready'' to move on to donor and what are some ways to determine our own readiness to move in that direction.
And about donors, what are the various tests and interviewing procedures used in donor screenings and how much information is available to ip's about the donor in most clinic programs.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
More Support to Follow the Nov 14 Workshop
Please Reply: to SAXEL95@aol.com to Register for THE NYC GATHERING WORKSHOP NOV 14,2010 TO SIGN UP FOR YOUR DISCUSSION GROUP CHOICES, Send Questions for the professionals in advance, especially if you had a THIRD CHOICE!
Great opportunities to follow-up after the workshop with your local support group and other events in the NY Area.
The NYC Gathering Womens Dinner in Midtown- Tues 11-16, Mon 12-13 saxel95@aol.com. 516-967-7430, 5:30-7:30pm.
Long Island Resolve Peer-Led Support Group-Third Thursdays Monthly -Nov 18, Dec 16, 7-9pm. Saxel95@aol.com, 516-967-7430.
Tuesdays -Judith Kottick,LCSW -Montclair NJ,Support Group for Donor Parenting mailto:Judykottick@comcast.net Tuesadays 10-26,12-7
SPECIAL LONG ISLAND MEETING 12-2-10, to be held at Grand Opening Reception of THE BERKLEY CENTER in Plainview to discuss Reproductive Wellness with Mike Berkely and Dr Dave Kreiner.
Weds-Midtown-Family Building Network for Donor Conception and Surrogacy-Support Group with Patricia Mendell, LCSW, Pmendell@aol.com 11-17,12-15,1-19 from 7-9pm.
Weds-Anne Malave, PHd-Support Group for Women Exploring Egg Donation-2nd and 4th Weds of the month, 7-8:30 pm, afmalave@aol.com ,212-787-1304.
Tues-Upper West Side-Nov 9, Dec 14,Support Group, Elizabeth SIlk, LCSW, 212-873-6434 , Nancy Kaufman, LCSW, 212-772-1200 or thirdpartyparenting@yahoo.com.
Thursdays-Midtown Not strictly Third Party Reproduction, open (free) drop-in group Carolyn Berger, LCSW. at Batzofin Fertility Center in Midtown on the 1st and 3rd Thursday each month, 6-7:3pm. cnberger@optonline.net 914-834-6396.
Stress Reduction for Infertility Classes with Helen Adrienne, LCSW, BCD, 420 East 64th Street call 212-758-0125,or email helen@helenadrienne.com, 6:30-8:30PM,cost $75.00. Meets@NYU Fertility Center, 660 First Avenue, 6th Floor, corner of 38th Street, NYC.
Monday, November 8, 2010
A Conversation about NOT TELLING with Diane Ehrensaft 11.8.10
Talking with Diane Ehrensaft, Author of "Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates". Todays question for Diane is about NOT TELLING.
Sara:
The Nov 14 workshop will have a variety of options available on the topic of disclosure. With that in mind,I have wanted to support the people who are in what we call "the no-tell camp". Not with the objective to change anyones mind about this, but rather to help them to process whatever feelings go along with parenting after donor conception and surrogacy.
So Diane,can you start off with anything you think might be helpful for
those on the other side of the disclosure discussion?
Diane:
Okay, here are some thoughts about emotional experiences for parents who have decided not tell their children:
There is no boiler plate solution to sharing or not sharing with your children the facts of their conception, and each parent or set of parents will make their own choices about that, matching their family needs and personal beliefs.
For those of you who decide not to tell, a whole host of feelings may come up that are good to be prepared for. You may feel caught in the vice created by the tensions between two opposing groups: those who feel there is no reason for a child to know (this being the common stance of the medical field over the years) vs. those who feel you are doing a disservice to your child, both emotionally and medically (for those who use donors), by not telling them the real story of their conception.
Your job, of course, will be to hold to your own personal decision regarding your child while giving yourself room to explore all the reasons you made that decision. Some parents who don't tell worry that they will be "outed"--that somehow their child will find out from another source and be furious at them, even reject them. Some of you in the not telling camp may hold a belief that genetics are really not that important and wonder why others make such a big deal of it. Indeed, there are many in other countries who have just that thought about we Americans, and feel strongly that once the egg and sperm come together, all that matters is that a baby is made who is yours for the rest of your lives, and that it is presumptuous to assert that the children will ever even care about it at all. You may feel relieved that you don't have anything that will get in the way of the love between you and your child, which is all that all of us would ever want in our bonds to our children. You may feel relieved that your child is protected from potential harm if you live in a community or within an extended family which would not take kindly to a child conceived in these "new-fangled" ways.
If there are two parents, and you are the non-genetic parent, not telling makes it so much easier to create an even playing field between you and your partner, so that there is no worry about your child seeing you partner as the more "real" parent. Just like people who have chosen to tell, you may wonder at times if you have made the right decision to not tell, and indeed there are some people whose feelings change over time and then decide at a later date that they would like to tell their children. Parenthood is a life long process with twists and turns along the way, so what we know now as a parent of an infant may be so different from what we come to know later as a parent of a teenager. The felt advantage of deciding not to tell early in your child's life is that it is a decision you can definitely change later, whereas if you make an early decision to tell your child about his or her origins and then regret it , there is absolutely no way to undo that decision once the cat is out of the bag.
Whatever the range of your feelings, the most important thing is that you feel supported for the way you have chosen to build your family, including the decision not to tell, for in the larger scheme of things, we should remember that we are all family.
Sara:Diane, thanks as always.
Sara:
The Nov 14 workshop will have a variety of options available on the topic of disclosure. With that in mind,I have wanted to support the people who are in what we call "the no-tell camp". Not with the objective to change anyones mind about this, but rather to help them to process whatever feelings go along with parenting after donor conception and surrogacy.
So Diane,can you start off with anything you think might be helpful for
those on the other side of the disclosure discussion?
Diane:
Okay, here are some thoughts about emotional experiences for parents who have decided not tell their children:
There is no boiler plate solution to sharing or not sharing with your children the facts of their conception, and each parent or set of parents will make their own choices about that, matching their family needs and personal beliefs.
For those of you who decide not to tell, a whole host of feelings may come up that are good to be prepared for. You may feel caught in the vice created by the tensions between two opposing groups: those who feel there is no reason for a child to know (this being the common stance of the medical field over the years) vs. those who feel you are doing a disservice to your child, both emotionally and medically (for those who use donors), by not telling them the real story of their conception.
Your job, of course, will be to hold to your own personal decision regarding your child while giving yourself room to explore all the reasons you made that decision. Some parents who don't tell worry that they will be "outed"--that somehow their child will find out from another source and be furious at them, even reject them. Some of you in the not telling camp may hold a belief that genetics are really not that important and wonder why others make such a big deal of it. Indeed, there are many in other countries who have just that thought about we Americans, and feel strongly that once the egg and sperm come together, all that matters is that a baby is made who is yours for the rest of your lives, and that it is presumptuous to assert that the children will ever even care about it at all. You may feel relieved that you don't have anything that will get in the way of the love between you and your child, which is all that all of us would ever want in our bonds to our children. You may feel relieved that your child is protected from potential harm if you live in a community or within an extended family which would not take kindly to a child conceived in these "new-fangled" ways.
If there are two parents, and you are the non-genetic parent, not telling makes it so much easier to create an even playing field between you and your partner, so that there is no worry about your child seeing you partner as the more "real" parent. Just like people who have chosen to tell, you may wonder at times if you have made the right decision to not tell, and indeed there are some people whose feelings change over time and then decide at a later date that they would like to tell their children. Parenthood is a life long process with twists and turns along the way, so what we know now as a parent of an infant may be so different from what we come to know later as a parent of a teenager. The felt advantage of deciding not to tell early in your child's life is that it is a decision you can definitely change later, whereas if you make an early decision to tell your child about his or her origins and then regret it , there is absolutely no way to undo that decision once the cat is out of the bag.
Whatever the range of your feelings, the most important thing is that you feel supported for the way you have chosen to build your family, including the decision not to tell, for in the larger scheme of things, we should remember that we are all family.
Sara:Diane, thanks as always.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
The November 14 NYC Gathering Workshop
Planning for The November 14 NYC Gathering Workshop is being finalized. Replies needed from leaders and participants Please.
If you would like to but have not already confirmed your attendance as a participant or facilitating a peer or professionally-led roundtable, please let me know what your topic (roundtable I or II or both) will be. You are welcome to bring your current group so we can include them in the gathering, introduce your organization,expertise, community, interests to us and likewise, us to you. Feel free to bring your printed materials, brochures, flyers, books you've authored or have found to be helpful, etc.
This is a day of support and education, all ideas and topics will be considered and anyone thinking, trying or parenting through Third Party Reproduction is welcome. Blended families are welcome, as are LGBT families, Choice Moms and Dads, Co-parenting families, etc.
If you are a leading a roundtable and are a professional in this field and/or have something you'd like to share with the entire room we will have time set aside for Q&A.
We have interest in leading small (8-10 people)roundtable discussions on these topics and have room (total 15 tables) for more of the same or others
Disclosure
Decision Making-Adoption, Donor, and Surrogacy
The legal client as Fertility patient
DS Dad and Personalized Family Story Picture Book
Nature vs Nurture-Genetics and parenting discussion
Childrens Book Discussion
How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen So Kids will Talk
Body-Mind Connection
Alternative Medicine
The Donor Selection Process for Choice Moms
The schedule is as follows.
Registration 12:15-12:30
Intro-12:30-12:45
Roundtable I-12:45-1:45
Lunch-1:45-2:30
Rountable II-2:30-3:45 pm
Break 3:45-4:00
Q&A Closing 4:00-5:00
The format is roundtables of 8-10 per table, peer and professionally led. Cost is $75 pp, $125 per family (total adults), $45 per child for babysitting all day, lunch is included.
Please distribute this as your flyer until the final version is ready.
Thanks and best to all,
Sara Axel
The NYC Gathering
516-967-7430
http://donorgroupsnyc.blogspot.com/
If you would like to but have not already confirmed your attendance as a participant or facilitating a peer or professionally-led roundtable, please let me know what your topic (roundtable I or II or both) will be. You are welcome to bring your current group so we can include them in the gathering, introduce your organization,expertise, community, interests to us and likewise, us to you. Feel free to bring your printed materials, brochures, flyers, books you've authored or have found to be helpful, etc.
This is a day of support and education, all ideas and topics will be considered and anyone thinking, trying or parenting through Third Party Reproduction is welcome. Blended families are welcome, as are LGBT families, Choice Moms and Dads, Co-parenting families, etc.
If you are a leading a roundtable and are a professional in this field and/or have something you'd like to share with the entire room we will have time set aside for Q&A.
We have interest in leading small (8-10 people)roundtable discussions on these topics and have room (total 15 tables) for more of the same or others
Disclosure
Decision Making-Adoption, Donor, and Surrogacy
The legal client as Fertility patient
DS Dad and Personalized Family Story Picture Book
Nature vs Nurture-Genetics and parenting discussion
Childrens Book Discussion
How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen So Kids will Talk
Body-Mind Connection
Alternative Medicine
The Donor Selection Process for Choice Moms
The schedule is as follows.
Registration 12:15-12:30
Intro-12:30-12:45
Roundtable I-12:45-1:45
Lunch-1:45-2:30
Rountable II-2:30-3:45 pm
Break 3:45-4:00
Q&A Closing 4:00-5:00
The format is roundtables of 8-10 per table, peer and professionally led. Cost is $75 pp, $125 per family (total adults), $45 per child for babysitting all day, lunch is included.
Please distribute this as your flyer until the final version is ready.
Thanks and best to all,
Sara Axel
The NYC Gathering
516-967-7430
http://donorgroupsnyc.blogspot.com/
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
My just right donor, by L
It was a warm day forDecember, and my husband and I were on our way to make a very importantchoice. We were on our way toreview potential donors with our clinic and expected to choose one during thistrip.
A little background: we were cycling at an out-of-town clinic about 200 miles from our home for three reasons: 1) it was less expensive; 2) we reallyliked the doctor and one of my closest friends had a personal friendship with him and also used him for her fertility problems; and 3) this clinic allowedyou to choose your donor from a book of potential clinic donors. That was very different than the clinics here in New York, who picked your donor for you. And that was definitely appealing to us, and was one of the major reasons we decided to cycle out of town.
We had decided not to usean agency donor, because I felt like I could find someone appealing and didn’tfeel strongly that I needed to find the “perfect” donor.
I knew one thing: I didn’t want to meet my donor or seean adult picture of her. I hopedto have children that were genetically related to her; and when I looked atthem, lovingly, as they grew, changed and developed, children I consider mychildren solely (okay, and my husband’s too) despite the gene pool, I didn’twant to see someone else, someone who essentially was disconnected from us andour lives completely, looking back at me.
So here we are, on afour-hour car ride, with an appointment to look at “the book.” My husband and I share ourthoughts: what should we lookfor? What are the most importantattributes of this woman, who was going to perhaps give us the most significant thing we ever received?
First, we focused onlooks. And we agreed she didn’tneed to look like me, but the main things, like coloring, etc. needed to besimilar to mine so that our child, or children, would, to the casual observer,look like they could be mine.
Then, we focused on health. That, we agreed, was non-negotiable. Then,intelligence. We agreed she neededto be a college student or a college graduate, with a job that indicated she was above average in IQ. Andage. I don’t remember exactly what we determined, but something around 24-25 – not too young, not tooold. And a “proven” donor would be a bonus.
And that, we agreed, were the main factors. We pictured a young career woman, on her way to a life of “having it all.”
We get into town, and, thenext day, we are given the “Caucasian” book. There were around 25 or 30 profiles in the book. They told us to review it and that wecould select up to 3 proflies to hold for 24 hours. Thereafter, we could either select one, or select none and then return in a few weeks to see any new potential donors.
We were sent to a room,alone, with this thick blue binder. Each profile was 14 pages, hand written, and asked all sorts of factualquestions about the donor, her life, health, family, family health history,pregnancy and fertility history, and the like. There were also, on the last page, short essays. It was a lot of information, on the onehand, but so little, too.
We went through the bookand flagged all the college grads and a few college students. One by one, they dropped off. Too many casual sexual encounters. Questionable family healthhistories. Some women whosemotivations seemed less than ideal to us. Women who didn’t seem to have the time or interest to fill out the 14pages. After going through thewhole book, we had a few maybes. But no one that felt right.
A second glance through the binder. One profile caught my eye.I shared it with my husband. Awoman, 28 years old, a mother of two. Last job was in a pizza shop. Education stopped after high school. We pull it out. Read it once, twice. So,she didn’t go to college. So, shewas 28 years old. Not what wethought we were looking for. But the answers to her essay questions were clear and well thought out. She took pride in what she wrote and expressed herself well. No, notwhat we were looking for. Butthere was something about her. We put her in the maybe pile.
That night, we stayed at my friend’s house. I asked her tolook at the three profiles we had brought with us. Without a word, she read the three, and handed me one,saying…I like her. Pizzawoman, we called her that night, until she became “our donor” who she is tothis day.
What did we like? Her maturity. Her appreciation for being a parent. Her earnestness, and sincerity. She seemed nice, real, solid. Not perfect, but very human. And, for some reason, kind and giving.
Today, as the parents of two children she helped us conceive, I am so thrilled with our choice. Someday, if my kids ask my why we picked her, I have reasons I can explain. And if we ever have the opportunity to meet her, I think I will like her. And I know that I will have nothing but gratitude for the gift she gave us.
A little background: we were cycling at an out-of-town clinic about 200 miles from our home for three reasons: 1) it was less expensive; 2) we reallyliked the doctor and one of my closest friends had a personal friendship with him and also used him for her fertility problems; and 3) this clinic allowedyou to choose your donor from a book of potential clinic donors. That was very different than the clinics here in New York, who picked your donor for you. And that was definitely appealing to us, and was one of the major reasons we decided to cycle out of town.
We had decided not to usean agency donor, because I felt like I could find someone appealing and didn’tfeel strongly that I needed to find the “perfect” donor.
I knew one thing: I didn’t want to meet my donor or seean adult picture of her. I hopedto have children that were genetically related to her; and when I looked atthem, lovingly, as they grew, changed and developed, children I consider mychildren solely (okay, and my husband’s too) despite the gene pool, I didn’twant to see someone else, someone who essentially was disconnected from us andour lives completely, looking back at me.
So here we are, on afour-hour car ride, with an appointment to look at “the book.” My husband and I share ourthoughts: what should we lookfor? What are the most importantattributes of this woman, who was going to perhaps give us the most significant thing we ever received?
First, we focused onlooks. And we agreed she didn’tneed to look like me, but the main things, like coloring, etc. needed to besimilar to mine so that our child, or children, would, to the casual observer,look like they could be mine.
Then, we focused on health. That, we agreed, was non-negotiable. Then,intelligence. We agreed she neededto be a college student or a college graduate, with a job that indicated she was above average in IQ. Andage. I don’t remember exactly what we determined, but something around 24-25 – not too young, not tooold. And a “proven” donor would be a bonus.
And that, we agreed, were the main factors. We pictured a young career woman, on her way to a life of “having it all.”
We get into town, and, thenext day, we are given the “Caucasian” book. There were around 25 or 30 profiles in the book. They told us to review it and that wecould select up to 3 proflies to hold for 24 hours. Thereafter, we could either select one, or select none and then return in a few weeks to see any new potential donors.
We were sent to a room,alone, with this thick blue binder. Each profile was 14 pages, hand written, and asked all sorts of factualquestions about the donor, her life, health, family, family health history,pregnancy and fertility history, and the like. There were also, on the last page, short essays. It was a lot of information, on the onehand, but so little, too.
We went through the bookand flagged all the college grads and a few college students. One by one, they dropped off. Too many casual sexual encounters. Questionable family healthhistories. Some women whosemotivations seemed less than ideal to us. Women who didn’t seem to have the time or interest to fill out the 14pages. After going through thewhole book, we had a few maybes. But no one that felt right.
A second glance through the binder. One profile caught my eye.I shared it with my husband. Awoman, 28 years old, a mother of two. Last job was in a pizza shop. Education stopped after high school. We pull it out. Read it once, twice. So,she didn’t go to college. So, shewas 28 years old. Not what wethought we were looking for. But the answers to her essay questions were clear and well thought out. She took pride in what she wrote and expressed herself well. No, notwhat we were looking for. Butthere was something about her. We put her in the maybe pile.
That night, we stayed at my friend’s house. I asked her tolook at the three profiles we had brought with us. Without a word, she read the three, and handed me one,saying…I like her. Pizzawoman, we called her that night, until she became “our donor” who she is tothis day.
What did we like? Her maturity. Her appreciation for being a parent. Her earnestness, and sincerity. She seemed nice, real, solid. Not perfect, but very human. And, for some reason, kind and giving.
Today, as the parents of two children she helped us conceive, I am so thrilled with our choice. Someday, if my kids ask my why we picked her, I have reasons I can explain. And if we ever have the opportunity to meet her, I think I will like her. And I know that I will have nothing but gratitude for the gift she gave us.
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