In drawing parallels to adoption and how far it has come in public support and acceptance as compared to third party reproduction and parenting, I am struck with this comment by the author.
"I long for a form of community my own tiny family of three doesn't have."
I wish families created through donor conception and surrogacy had half the community and resources that are available to adoptive families.
In the comments, someone says "And Julia, I lost count of how many times they said "buying" a baby. That sounds so crude. Even if it is partially true, paying for medical care and legal expenses could constitute buying, I can't imagine the "talk" they will have with their adopted child. "Honey, we wanted you so much, money was no object. We paid top dollar!."
http://open.salon.com/blog/martha_nichols/2011/10/27/adoption_on_tv_modern_family_or_parenthood
The NYC Gathering
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Showing posts with label Parenting Donor Children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting Donor Children. Show all posts
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
‘Baby trafficking’ scandal just the tip of the IVF/surrogacy iceberg: expert | LifeSiteNews.com
Making the case that all IVF+Surrogacy are bad or wrong.
With more mainstream exposure than Motherlode in The NYTimes, now on CNN with Anderson Cooper, Jennifer Lahl quoted as saying that all of ivf is unethical.
She's not just Jennifer Lahl when quoted , she's Jennifer Lahl of the film Eggsploitation.
My kids will read this someday.
We need more than children's storybooks about third party reproduction to deal with how our kids will feel about what is waiting for them on the other side of our disclosure story.
http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/baby-trafficking-scandal-just-the-tip-of-the-ivf-surrogacy-iceberg-expert/
With more mainstream exposure than Motherlode in The NYTimes, now on CNN with Anderson Cooper, Jennifer Lahl quoted as saying that all of ivf is unethical.
She's not just Jennifer Lahl when quoted , she's Jennifer Lahl of the film Eggsploitation.
My kids will read this someday.
We need more than children's storybooks about third party reproduction to deal with how our kids will feel about what is waiting for them on the other side of our disclosure story.
http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/baby-trafficking-scandal-just-the-tip-of-the-ivf-surrogacy-iceberg-expert/
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
MyStyle Story:Sperm Donor Premieres September 27 on Style
http://www.mystyle.com/mystyle/b7656_sperm_donor_premieres_september_27_on.html
PRODUCED BY WENDY KRAMER OF THE DONOR SIBLING REGISTRY. WENDY AND HER SON RYAN KRAMER WILL BE OUR GUESTS AT THE NYC GATHERING DINNER ON OCTOBER 17TH, 2011. PLEASE EMAIL SAXEL95@AOL.COM TO REGISTER FOR THIS EVENT.
PRODUCED BY WENDY KRAMER OF THE DONOR SIBLING REGISTRY. WENDY AND HER SON RYAN KRAMER WILL BE OUR GUESTS AT THE NYC GATHERING DINNER ON OCTOBER 17TH, 2011. PLEASE EMAIL SAXEL95@AOL.COM TO REGISTER FOR THIS EVENT.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Conversation with Amy Demma on NPR Program and Donor Anonymity
Good questions as always, Amy. Is the broad range of perspectives on the meaning of egg donors+egg donation a reflection on the deeper meaning of motherhood in general and is there a different set of complexities involved in de than there is in ds? Is it simply less black+white for de than ds?
Please see Amy's comment to this post. Thanks Amy,
Please see Amy's comment to this post. Thanks Amy,
Amy Demma Comments on NPR Program
I am convinced that we will see these same stories as the egg donor conceived population matures. Why are we not talking, in a broader context about what we can learn from past years of both adoption and sperm donor practices? Are we sticking out heads in the sand? Is better educating donors about social/legal implications the answer?
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Thanks to Donor Diva -- on FertilityAuthority.com
The Donor Diva blogged:
"There is enough gray area in egg donation, sperm donation and surrogacy. Now when these children get older, they could hear that they were conceived with the intent of being sold? I hope they don't have to deal with that. I know there are enough hurdles for donor-conceived children."
But I think the children conceived through this situation WILL hear they were conceived with the intent of being sold AND what everyone on the internet thinks of the Surrogacy Scandal (The Baby-Selling Ring) and has thought of all of Third Party Reproduction long before today.
Donor Diva also asks how will donors feel. And I know its supposed to be "my kids story to tell" as per many, many parents and experts before me have said (and given me lears and warnings about). I, too, have put myself out there emotionally publicly, to say that this is OUR story to tell. If I waited until my kids were old enough to decide for themselves how public they wanted to be then I would be wrestling with "the increasingly blurring lines between secrecy and privacy" (see women's dinner group Donor Mom Dinner Recap - Discussion on DE Parenting and Disclosure post from May 6, 2010, click over there on the right) and perpetuating "don't ask, don't tell" that keeps most of Third Party Reproduction more in the closet than out. Unfortunately, Donor Diva, I think this effects all of us.
I've lost friends on facebook and elsewhere over TPR. They can't be friends with me for fear of being outted just by association, even though I have tons of ways to know someone that easily covers up the donor-conception connection they think others will make of it. Of the hundreds of people I've met this way,on line,on the phone, in person, just a few stay in touch because the association is too risky or simply too much to bear.
Donor Diva,keep up the great work, help us get the message out and when you meet anyone who might be up for the challenge of getting out there with us, please let them know that life as a parent and family through TPR may in fact be harder, but that we are working to make it BETTER. And that we WILL succeed.
http://www.fertilityauthority.com/blogger/leigh/2011/08/19/surrogacy-scandal-baby-selling-ring
"There is enough gray area in egg donation, sperm donation and surrogacy. Now when these children get older, they could hear that they were conceived with the intent of being sold? I hope they don't have to deal with that. I know there are enough hurdles for donor-conceived children."
But I think the children conceived through this situation WILL hear they were conceived with the intent of being sold AND what everyone on the internet thinks of the Surrogacy Scandal (The Baby-Selling Ring) and has thought of all of Third Party Reproduction long before today.
Donor Diva also asks how will donors feel. And I know its supposed to be "my kids story to tell" as per many, many parents and experts before me have said (and given me lears and warnings about). I, too, have put myself out there emotionally publicly, to say that this is OUR story to tell. If I waited until my kids were old enough to decide for themselves how public they wanted to be then I would be wrestling with "the increasingly blurring lines between secrecy and privacy" (see women's dinner group Donor Mom Dinner Recap - Discussion on DE Parenting and Disclosure post from May 6, 2010, click over there on the right) and perpetuating "don't ask, don't tell" that keeps most of Third Party Reproduction more in the closet than out. Unfortunately, Donor Diva, I think this effects all of us.
I've lost friends on facebook and elsewhere over TPR. They can't be friends with me for fear of being outted just by association, even though I have tons of ways to know someone that easily covers up the donor-conception connection they think others will make of it. Of the hundreds of people I've met this way,on line,on the phone, in person, just a few stay in touch because the association is too risky or simply too much to bear.
Donor Diva,keep up the great work, help us get the message out and when you meet anyone who might be up for the challenge of getting out there with us, please let them know that life as a parent and family through TPR may in fact be harder, but that we are working to make it BETTER. And that we WILL succeed.
http://www.fertilityauthority.com/blogger/leigh/2011/08/19/surrogacy-scandal-baby-selling-ring
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Who’s on the Family Tree? Now It’s Complicated
HeraldTribune.com
Jul 5, 2011 Some great discussion points in this article. Still,they did not cover egg
donation. For me, an egg donor is a leaf on our family tree. For my children,she
may be something else,more or less, up to them, it will be their family tree
(and as twins they will likely fight it out;). But I do I think that's the point
that the mother at the end of the article has not yet acknowledged.
http://www.heraldtribune.com/article/20110705/ZNYT02/107053018/-1/news?p=4&tc=pg
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Voice America Radio,March 31,2011
I'll be talking with Marna Gatlin, Theresa Erickson, and hopefully an RE, next Thursday March 31st on Theresa's Voice America Radio Show about the film Eggsploitation.
Let me know what you think of this definition posted on the eggsploitation website for the trailer: "Eggsploitation can be defined: to plunder, pillage, rob, despoil, fleece, and strip ruthlessly a young woman of her eggs, by means of fraud, coercion or deception, to be used selfishly for another's gain, with a total lack of regard for the well-being of the donor."
I consider it an honor to speak publicly about this and would like to hear from anyone who has something they'd like to share with me regarding their feelings about this film, the issues it is raising, how its presented,anything at all,and as always,it will remain confidential as we talk about it more via phone or email before next Thursday.
A very timely article was posted yesterday that I wrote about on my below. Long story short, a few months ago I was quite taken aback by a donor-conceived blogger that wrote about Elizabeth Edwards-asking who will her kids mourn more, EE or their real mother the egg donor? It got me thinking, I got mad and then I did some more thinking. How WILL my kids feel about all this?
I will not try to predict what my kids will feel about our donor, their donor origins, but I feel more equipped each day to deal with whatever comes up for them. I hope that they will feel good enough about themselves to draw upon all that's available to them, especially from within.
The article linked in the previous post below is by a sperm donor-conceived adult in Australia...The blog post is dedicated to my Dad, Al Levine, of blessed memory.
Let me know what you think of this definition posted on the eggsploitation website for the trailer: "Eggsploitation can be defined: to plunder, pillage, rob, despoil, fleece, and strip ruthlessly a young woman of her eggs, by means of fraud, coercion or deception, to be used selfishly for another's gain, with a total lack of regard for the well-being of the donor."
I consider it an honor to speak publicly about this and would like to hear from anyone who has something they'd like to share with me regarding their feelings about this film, the issues it is raising, how its presented,anything at all,and as always,it will remain confidential as we talk about it more via phone or email before next Thursday.
A very timely article was posted yesterday that I wrote about on my below. Long story short, a few months ago I was quite taken aback by a donor-conceived blogger that wrote about Elizabeth Edwards-asking who will her kids mourn more, EE or their real mother the egg donor? It got me thinking, I got mad and then I did some more thinking. How WILL my kids feel about all this?
I will not try to predict what my kids will feel about our donor, their donor origins, but I feel more equipped each day to deal with whatever comes up for them. I hope that they will feel good enough about themselves to draw upon all that's available to them, especially from within.
The article linked in the previous post below is by a sperm donor-conceived adult in Australia...The blog post is dedicated to my Dad, Al Levine, of blessed memory.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
THANKS TO DR NANCY CARROLL-FREEMAN
THANKS AGAIN TO NANCY, MEMBER OF THE NYC GATHERING FOR SHARING HER INSIGHTS AND GUIDANCE IN READING CHILDREN'S BOOKS FROM THE ASRM BIBLIOGRAPHY ON DONOR CONCEPTION, ADOPTION, SURROGACY AND SEX EDUCATION.
NANCY WILL BE MAKING A SIMILAR PRESENTATION AT THE UPCOMING WORKSHOP HOSTED BY JUDITH KOTTICK, LCSW ON APRIL 2 IN MONTCLAIR NJ.
FLYERS ARE AVAILABLE UPON REQUEST OR CONTACT JUDY AT JUDYKOTTICK@COMCAST.NET OR DRNANCYFREEMANCARROLL@GMAILCOM
NANCY WILL BE MAKING A SIMILAR PRESENTATION AT THE UPCOMING WORKSHOP HOSTED BY JUDITH KOTTICK, LCSW ON APRIL 2 IN MONTCLAIR NJ.
FLYERS ARE AVAILABLE UPON REQUEST OR CONTACT JUDY AT JUDYKOTTICK@COMCAST.NET OR DRNANCYFREEMANCARROLL@GMAILCOM
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Donor Mom Dinner Recap - Discussion on DE Parenting and Disclosure
Thanks again to our Pschotherapist and DE Mom of 12 yo son who joined us for an unfortunately very-rained out dinner group last Monday night.
From a mom-to-be-very-soon, her personal notes to share from our gathering.....
-The DE issue is one that will be with me/my child forever, at times in the distance and at times in the forefront of my mind
-While most of my concern is about making sure my child feels loved, accepted and believes that he can freely talk about the issue, I've got to admit that some part of me still thinks that using a DE is some kind of reflection on me (whether that reflection leads to judgment/shame or is evidence of my resilience/commitment to having a child).
-I just don't think there is a father/husband on earth who understands DE issues the way a woman who deals with if firsthand does
-There is a fine, and forever changing line between privacy and secrecy
From a mom-to-be-very-soon, her personal notes to share from our gathering.....
-The DE issue is one that will be with me/my child forever, at times in the distance and at times in the forefront of my mind
-While most of my concern is about making sure my child feels loved, accepted and believes that he can freely talk about the issue, I've got to admit that some part of me still thinks that using a DE is some kind of reflection on me (whether that reflection leads to judgment/shame or is evidence of my resilience/commitment to having a child).
-I just don't think there is a father/husband on earth who understands DE issues the way a woman who deals with if firsthand does
-There is a fine, and forever changing line between privacy and secrecy
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