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Tuesday, June 30, 2009
July NYC WOMENS DINNER and LI RESOLVE PEER GROUP
Womens Midtown Dinner Monday,July 13, 5:30-7:30 pm.
Womens Resolve LI Peer Group meeting, Thursday July 16, 6:30-8:30pm in East Meadow.
AFA June 2 Teleconference with Patricia Mendell and Joann Paley Galst
When its hard to get out for in-person counseling or peer group meetings, the teleconferences given by The AFA and Resolve can be very helpful.
On June 2 the topic was Disclosure and here is what Joann Paley Galst, PhD said in summing up....
There is no one right way to share this information with your child, It's
important that you are comfortable with your reproductive choices.If you
start early in sharing, you get to practice. You'll have lots of opportunities
to convey the message to your child. If you demonstrate love both to your child
and between members of the couple if you are a couple, you provide the security
within which kds can handle most anything.
I think I would add for single moms that by conveying your message with love and offering your child connections with both family and friends outside of your nuclear family, you will provide your child with honesty and security within the stability of your family, your heart, and the larger world of which your family is a part.
Joann Paley Galst, Ph.D.
On June 2 the topic was Disclosure and here is what Joann Paley Galst, PhD said in summing up....
There is no one right way to share this information with your child, It's
important that you are comfortable with your reproductive choices.If you
start early in sharing, you get to practice. You'll have lots of opportunities
to convey the message to your child. If you demonstrate love both to your child
and between members of the couple if you are a couple, you provide the security
within which kds can handle most anything.
I think I would add for single moms that by conveying your message with love and offering your child connections with both family and friends outside of your nuclear family, you will provide your child with honesty and security within the stability of your family, your heart, and the larger world of which your family is a part.
Joann Paley Galst, Ph.D.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Language
A very important topic to me is the language we use around 3rd Party Reproduction and Parenting.Not only does it educate others, I think it helps us to assimilate and accept what is not always an easy concept for many people to wrap their head around.
Diane Ehrensaft, in her book "Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates", coined a phrase for what to call the donor, "Genetic Other". Its a favorite of mine although this is not complete for me so I am still on an inner quest to further define what a donor is to ME-before anyone actually legislates one. Lets not even go there.
Another one about parent and child is from Marna Gatlin at PVED.org:
Natural Child: Any child who is not artificial.
Real Parent: Any parent who is not imaginary.
Your Own Child: Any child who is not someone else's.
Adopted Child (or add something else here): A natural child, whose parents are not imaginary, and is our own.
Marna just wrote a great article that she posted on the PVED blog.
The title is "I'm The Mom, I'm The Mom, I'm The Mom"!
Here is a link.
http://tpvedo.blogspot.com/2009/05/im-mom-im-mom-im-mom.html
Diane Ehrensaft, in her book "Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates", coined a phrase for what to call the donor, "Genetic Other". Its a favorite of mine although this is not complete for me so I am still on an inner quest to further define what a donor is to ME-before anyone actually legislates one. Lets not even go there.
Another one about parent and child is from Marna Gatlin at PVED.org:
Natural Child: Any child who is not artificial.
Real Parent: Any parent who is not imaginary.
Your Own Child: Any child who is not someone else's.
Adopted Child (or add something else here): A natural child, whose parents are not imaginary, and is our own.
Marna just wrote a great article that she posted on the PVED blog.
The title is "I'm The Mom, I'm The Mom, I'm The Mom"!
Here is a link.
http://tpvedo.blogspot.com/2009/05/im-mom-im-mom-im-mom.html
June Events Updated 6.11.09
Thursday June 18, Womens Dinner in Midtown 5:30-7:30pm.
Thursday June 24, Donor Family Night with Donors,email PMendell@aol.com or go to theafa.org to register.
Thursday June 25, Island Resolve Peer Support Group 3rd Part Parenting and Repro Mtg in East Meadow, 6:30-8:30pm, Women only.
Sunday June 28th, Upper West Side, All-inclusive NYC Gathering.All MVED, PVED FVED SMC TPPN and anyone interested are welcome.
Thursday June 24, Donor Family Night with Donors,email PMendell@aol.com or go to theafa.org to register.
Thursday June 25, Island Resolve Peer Support Group 3rd Part Parenting and Repro Mtg in East Meadow, 6:30-8:30pm, Women only.
Sunday June 28th, Upper West Side, All-inclusive NYC Gathering.All MVED, PVED FVED SMC TPPN and anyone interested are welcome.
Friday, May 1, 2009
IACCenter-Recap of Workshop held in March'09
I have been given permission to post this portion of the IACCenter newsletter. I couldnt make it to the event but did send in feedback about starting the dialogue and Life Cycle Donor Issues at a Glance Chart for donor families as they have for Adoption. I know there are similarities but there are also differences so while we can learn from the Adoption model in general it doesnt, IMHO, cover all of what comes up in donor issues.
I certainly applaud what Judith Kottick and Joni Mantell are doing at the IACCenter in NJ and hope to see more being offered from them and workshops like this one from other professionals in the field.......
From The IACCenter Newsletter
In March we held the Family Stories: How to Talk to Children About Adoption and Donor Origins Workshop and here are the five top reasons I loved it!
1. We brought together families formed through adoption and through donor origins and in this way were able to reinforce exactly what we want the children to know: Families are formed in different ways.
2. The audience loved hearing the personal perspectives of our panelists including:
Parents through adoption, donor egg and donor sperm
A Birth parent
Two teens sharing their perspectives on their adoption and donor origin stories respectively
An adult adoptee
3. Collaborating with Judy Kottick, LCSW of www.jkfertilitycounseling.com and exploring the similarities and differences in talking to children about adoption and
donor origins.
4. The IAC Center Counselors: Lauren Scheiner moderating the panel on talking to kids from ages 7 to 12 about adoption; Sasha Martone speaking about transracial family adoption issues and how to use lifebooks with children; and Beverly Andres' creative perspective on using movies and other impromptu opportunities to communicate with children and teens about their sense of identity and other feelings related to adoption.
5. And most of all I loved that by the end of the day many of the parents shared their own feelings and experiences, and in this way connected the most important dot. Parents can learn the developmental and psychological information about the ages and stages that children go through in understanding their family stories; and even some of the better verbal responses to children's questions at workshops; by reading books or even from magazine articles these days. But, the reality is that talking to kids about their origins is difficult primarily because it touches on the parents' own issues. In making this connection, I believe that these parents are really on their way to more effectively communicating with their children about their family stories.
Children will pick up their parents' tone; the aspects of their story that their parents avoid or focus a lot on; and basically how their parents feel about adoption and specifically about their birth parents. Children take their parents' feelings very seriously. At the IAC Centers, we believe that helping parents with their feelings about adoption is the first and most critical step toward helping the children understand their stories; building self-esteem and confidence in their identities; and towards building all different kinds of happy families.
In response to the amazing energy at this conference, I created a Life Cycle Adoption Issues At A Glance Chart to further the dialogue and understanding amongst all adoption triad members. My hope is that this chart simply serves to stimulate your thinking about adoption and the way it touches your own life and the lives of those you love; as well as talking points to promote further discussion about adoption in your own family, in IAC Center Groups and with whomever else you discuss these topics. Toward that goal, let's start the dialogue now. Please send any comments, reactions and points of view about this to me at JMantellMSW@iaccenter.com While I cannot promise a response to every email, I will with your permission create a composite of all of the responses for the next newsletter.
We are here for you at all points along the way in your journey,
I certainly applaud what Judith Kottick and Joni Mantell are doing at the IACCenter in NJ and hope to see more being offered from them and workshops like this one from other professionals in the field.......
From The IACCenter Newsletter
In March we held the Family Stories: How to Talk to Children About Adoption and Donor Origins Workshop and here are the five top reasons I loved it!
1. We brought together families formed through adoption and through donor origins and in this way were able to reinforce exactly what we want the children to know: Families are formed in different ways.
2. The audience loved hearing the personal perspectives of our panelists including:
Parents through adoption, donor egg and donor sperm
A Birth parent
Two teens sharing their perspectives on their adoption and donor origin stories respectively
An adult adoptee
3. Collaborating with Judy Kottick, LCSW of www.jkfertilitycounseling.com and exploring the similarities and differences in talking to children about adoption and
donor origins.
4. The IAC Center Counselors: Lauren Scheiner moderating the panel on talking to kids from ages 7 to 12 about adoption; Sasha Martone speaking about transracial family adoption issues and how to use lifebooks with children; and Beverly Andres' creative perspective on using movies and other impromptu opportunities to communicate with children and teens about their sense of identity and other feelings related to adoption.
5. And most of all I loved that by the end of the day many of the parents shared their own feelings and experiences, and in this way connected the most important dot. Parents can learn the developmental and psychological information about the ages and stages that children go through in understanding their family stories; and even some of the better verbal responses to children's questions at workshops; by reading books or even from magazine articles these days. But, the reality is that talking to kids about their origins is difficult primarily because it touches on the parents' own issues. In making this connection, I believe that these parents are really on their way to more effectively communicating with their children about their family stories.
Children will pick up their parents' tone; the aspects of their story that their parents avoid or focus a lot on; and basically how their parents feel about adoption and specifically about their birth parents. Children take their parents' feelings very seriously. At the IAC Centers, we believe that helping parents with their feelings about adoption is the first and most critical step toward helping the children understand their stories; building self-esteem and confidence in their identities; and towards building all different kinds of happy families.
In response to the amazing energy at this conference, I created a Life Cycle Adoption Issues At A Glance Chart to further the dialogue and understanding amongst all adoption triad members. My hope is that this chart simply serves to stimulate your thinking about adoption and the way it touches your own life and the lives of those you love; as well as talking points to promote further discussion about adoption in your own family, in IAC Center Groups and with whomever else you discuss these topics. Toward that goal, let's start the dialogue now. Please send any comments, reactions and points of view about this to me at JMantellMSW@iaccenter.com While I cannot promise a response to every email, I will with your permission create a composite of all of the responses for the next newsletter.
We are here for you at all points along the way in your journey,
IACCenter-Recap of Workshop held in March'09
I have been given permission to post this portion of the IACCenter newsletter. I couldnt make it to the event but did send in feedback about starting the dialogue and Life Cycle Donor Issues at a Glance Chart for donor families as they have for Adoption. I know there are similarities but there are also differences so while we can learn from the Adoption model in general it doesnt, IMHO, cover all of what comes up in donor issues.
I certainly applaud what Judith Kottick and Joni Mantell are doing at the IACCenter in NJ and hope to see more being offered from them and workshops like this one from other professionals in the field.......
From The IACCenter Newsletter
In March we held the Family Stories: How to Talk to Children About Adoption and Donor Origins Workshop and here are the five top reasons I loved it!
1. We brought together families formed through adoption and through donor origins and in this way were able to reinforce exactly what we want the children to know: Families are formed in different ways.
2. The audience loved hearing the personal perspectives of our panelists including:
Parents through adoption, donor egg and donor sperm
A Birth parent
Two teens sharing their perspectives on their adoption and donor origin stories respectively
An adult adoptee
3. Collaborating with Judy Kottick, LCSW of www.jkfertilitycounseling.com and exploring the similarities and differences in talking to children about adoption and
donor origins.
4. The IAC Center Counselors: Lauren Scheiner moderating the panel on talking to kids from ages 7 to 12 about adoption; Sasha Martone speaking about transracial family adoption issues and how to use lifebooks with children; and Beverly Andres' creative perspective on using movies and other impromptu opportunities to communicate with children and teens about their sense of identity and other feelings related to adoption.
5. And most of all I loved that by the end of the day many of the parents shared their own feelings and experiences, and in this way connected the most important dot. Parents can learn the developmental and psychological information about the ages and stages that children go through in understanding their family stories; and even some of the better verbal responses to children's questions at workshops; by reading books or even from magazine articles these days. But, the reality is that talking to kids about their origins is difficult primarily because it touches on the parents' own issues. In making this connection, I believe that these parents are really on their way to more effectively communicating with their children about their family stories.
Children will pick up their parents' tone; the aspects of their story that their parents avoid or focus a lot on; and basically how their parents feel about adoption and specifically about their birth parents. Children take their parents' feelings very seriously. At the IAC Centers, we believe that helping parents with their feelings about adoption is the first and most critical step toward helping the children understand their stories; building self-esteem and confidence in their identities; and towards building all different kinds of happy families.
In response to the amazing energy at this conference, I created a Life Cycle Adoption Issues At A Glance Chart to further the dialogue and understanding amongst all adoption triad members. My hope is that this chart simply serves to stimulate your thinking about adoption and the way it touches your own life and the lives of those you love; as well as talking points to promote further discussion about adoption in your own family, in IAC Center Groups and with whomever else you discuss these topics. Toward that goal, let's start the dialogue now. Please send any comments, reactions and points of view about this to me at JMantellMSW@iaccenter.com While I cannot promise a response to every email, I will with your permission create a composite of all of the responses for the next newsletter.
We are here for you at all points along the way in your journey,
I certainly applaud what Judith Kottick and Joni Mantell are doing at the IACCenter in NJ and hope to see more being offered from them and workshops like this one from other professionals in the field.......
From The IACCenter Newsletter
In March we held the Family Stories: How to Talk to Children About Adoption and Donor Origins Workshop and here are the five top reasons I loved it!
1. We brought together families formed through adoption and through donor origins and in this way were able to reinforce exactly what we want the children to know: Families are formed in different ways.
2. The audience loved hearing the personal perspectives of our panelists including:
Parents through adoption, donor egg and donor sperm
A Birth parent
Two teens sharing their perspectives on their adoption and donor origin stories respectively
An adult adoptee
3. Collaborating with Judy Kottick, LCSW of www.jkfertilitycounseling.com and exploring the similarities and differences in talking to children about adoption and
donor origins.
4. The IAC Center Counselors: Lauren Scheiner moderating the panel on talking to kids from ages 7 to 12 about adoption; Sasha Martone speaking about transracial family adoption issues and how to use lifebooks with children; and Beverly Andres' creative perspective on using movies and other impromptu opportunities to communicate with children and teens about their sense of identity and other feelings related to adoption.
5. And most of all I loved that by the end of the day many of the parents shared their own feelings and experiences, and in this way connected the most important dot. Parents can learn the developmental and psychological information about the ages and stages that children go through in understanding their family stories; and even some of the better verbal responses to children's questions at workshops; by reading books or even from magazine articles these days. But, the reality is that talking to kids about their origins is difficult primarily because it touches on the parents' own issues. In making this connection, I believe that these parents are really on their way to more effectively communicating with their children about their family stories.
Children will pick up their parents' tone; the aspects of their story that their parents avoid or focus a lot on; and basically how their parents feel about adoption and specifically about their birth parents. Children take their parents' feelings very seriously. At the IAC Centers, we believe that helping parents with their feelings about adoption is the first and most critical step toward helping the children understand their stories; building self-esteem and confidence in their identities; and towards building all different kinds of happy families.
In response to the amazing energy at this conference, I created a Life Cycle Adoption Issues At A Glance Chart to further the dialogue and understanding amongst all adoption triad members. My hope is that this chart simply serves to stimulate your thinking about adoption and the way it touches your own life and the lives of those you love; as well as talking points to promote further discussion about adoption in your own family, in IAC Center Groups and with whomever else you discuss these topics. Toward that goal, let's start the dialogue now. Please send any comments, reactions and points of view about this to me at JMantellMSW@iaccenter.com While I cannot promise a response to every email, I will with your permission create a composite of all of the responses for the next newsletter.
We are here for you at all points along the way in your journey,
Friday, April 24, 2009
May-June 2009
Tuesday May 12, TPPN Meeting, Upper West Side, Thirdpartyparenting@yahoo.com or call 212-873-6435 for more info.
Thursday May 14,Building Families Through Egg Donation, Sperm Donation and Gestational Surrogacy, 6pm in NYC at the LGBT Community Center at 208 West 13th, presented by New England Fertility Institute. Contact mwelch@nefertility.com or call 203-325-3200 x 329. Reservations Needed Please.
Sunday May 17th-All-inclusive Gathering at Saddle River County Park in Paramus NJ, 1-4pm. All MVED, PVED FVED SMC TPPN are welcome and an indoor back-up is planned if the weather isnt cooperating.
Weds May 20th-Womens Dinner in Midtown, 5:30-7:30pm.
Weds May 27th-Long Island Resolve Peer Support Group: 3rd Part Parenting and Repro Mtg in East Meadow, 6:30-8:30pm, Women only.
Tuesday June 9, TPPN Meeting, Upper West Side, Thirdpartyparenting@yahoo.com or call 212-873-6435 for more info.
Thursday June 18, Womens Dinner in Midtown, 5L30-7:30pm.
Thursday June 25, Island Resolve Peer Support Group: 3rd Part Parenting and Repro Mtg in East Meadow, 6:30-8:30pm, Women only.
Sunday June 28th, Upper West Side, All-inclusive Gathering.All MVED, PVED FVED SMC TPPN and anyone interested may attend.
May-June 2009
Tuesday May 12, TPPN Meeting, Upper West Side, Thirdpartyparenting@yahoo.com or call 212-873-6435 for more info.
Thursday May 14,Building Families Through Egg Donation, Sperm Donation and Gestational Surrogacy, 6pm in NYC at the LGBT Community Center at 208 West 13th, presented by New England Fertility Institute. Contact mwelch@nefertility.com or call 203-325-3200 x 329. Reservations Needed Please.
Sunday May 17th-All-inclusive Gathering at Saddle River County Park in Paramus NJ, 1-4pm. All MVED, PVED FVED SMC TPPN are welcome and an indoor back-up is planned if the weather isnt cooperating.
Weds May 20th-Womens Dinner in Midtown, 5:30-7:30pm.
Weds May 27th-Long Island Resolve Peer Support Group: 3rd Part Parenting and Repro Mtg in East Meadow, 6:30-8:30pm, Women only.
Tuesday June 9, TPPN Meeting, Upper West Side, Thirdpartyparenting@yahoo.com or call 212-873-6435 for more info.
Thursday June 18, Womens Dinner in Midtown, 5L30-7:30pm.
Thursday June 25, Island Resolve Peer Support Group: 3rd Part Parenting and Repro Mtg in East Meadow, 6:30-8:30pm, Women only.
Sunday June 28th, Upper West Side, All-inclusive Gathering.All MVED, PVED FVED SMC TPPN and anyone interested may attend.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
April -May Mtg update
Please be advised that the NYC Gathering on 4-26-09 has been cancelled and note the following meeting dates for April and May so far:
April 14-TPPN-UWS.
April 21-NYC Womens Dinner.
April 23-LI Resolve.
May 3-NYC All-inclusive.
May 12-TPPN-UWS.
April 14-TPPN-UWS.
April 21-NYC Womens Dinner.
April 23-LI Resolve.
May 3-NYC All-inclusive.
May 12-TPPN-UWS.
April -May Mtg update
Please be advised that the NYC Gathering on 4-26-09 has been cancelled and note the following meeting dates for April and May so far:
April 14-TPPN-UWS.
April 21-NYC Womens Dinner.
April 23-LI Resolve.
May 3-NYC All-inclusive.
May 12-TPPN-UWS.
April 14-TPPN-UWS.
April 21-NYC Womens Dinner.
April 23-LI Resolve.
May 3-NYC All-inclusive.
May 12-TPPN-UWS.
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