My Comments Posted to The NY Times on The Twiblings

This took 2 days of moderation to get posted. I thought it didnt make it because of the PVED plug but it did. I wrote in again without the PVED part and that one made it too, similar but tweaked.

99.

Sara Axel

New York, NY

January 13th, 2011

10:38 am

Thank you for writing this article and discussion.I started the NYC Gathering in 2002 as an in-person peer support group for people thinking about creating, trying to create a family, and parenting through donor-conception and surrogacy. Back then we thought that we'd be much further along by now in public acceptance and attitudes of others, but sadly we have much further to go. The article gives me hope for some sanity but sadly I and others still get weird or downright mean) comments, on-line and to our faces about ourselves and our kids, and its what keeps most of us in the closet. I've been criticized for outing my kids but I refuse to hide in shame. I won't out anyone who comes to our groups (and there is also secure on-line support at PVED.ORG), and I will continue to take these kinds of public hits from others who have no idea what my life or family life is like (and think I'm not really the only mom so I can't really be there for my kids when they find out how hurt and angry they too should be about all this). I do this in hope that someday we will have a safe community for our families where we don't have to fear such harsh words or judgments of others.624.

Sara Axel

New York, NY

January 14th, 2011

10:26 am

Thanks #618-Crista (and of course to Melanie for the article).In the years since starting a peer support group in NYC for anyone thinking of, trying to conceive and parenting through donor and surrogacy in 2002, I can count on 1 hand how many traditional, hetero families have been comfortable and open about this family-building journey without caring about the judgement or harsh words from others, let alone write about it in the NY Times Magazine. I've been targeted myself, taken some hits from people who say I wont be able to comfort my kids when they are mourning the loss of their other mother, and more of the same kind of criticism written in the comments here. I don't think too many more people will want to come out of the closet if this is whats waiting for them on the other side. Its really too bad, because we've finally overcome so many other stigmas, I just don't understand why we have to create or perpetuate this one.