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Friday, April 29, 2011


Start with some myth-busting,one of my favorite topics!

See how other people answer the questions we typically hear from smart,independent and otherwise savvy women, who genuinely want to know. Besides myth-busting on the level of achieving more public acceptance for Third Party Reproduction and Parenting, here are 2 conversation starters I recently encountered:

A friend asked me this week, how hard could it be at 42 to get pg when she was surprised on her first at 38?

Same friend asked, why is it that so many people get pg after they finally adopt, which just occurred for her 46 yo friend?

Some people genuinely and respectfully want to know the answers to these questions and hopefully you know who's who and can avoid the insensitive comments that make us all (fill-in the blank: cringe, weep, furious, crazy,silent,scared).

Go to RESOLVE.ORG for reading and sharing.

Best to all,

Sara Axel

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Conversation on Cafe Mom 4.22.11, I am speechless, for once in my life

Labels like Sperm Donation & Egg Donation.

Why do people refer to a Man who helped assist in the creation of a Human Being/s as a Sperm Donor.
And a Woman who has helped to assist in the creation of a Human Being/s as an Egg Donor.
When a Human Being/s that has come into existence can not be called a Sperm or an Egg.
Since a Sperm is only a Sperm until an Egg is Fertilized.
And the Egg/s that are Released during a Womans Cycle and are then Fertilized by a Mans Sperm can no longer be called an Egg,
Once a Human Being/s has Evolved as a result of Successful Conception & Development during Pregnancy and Childbirth.
Labels like Sperm Donor and Egg Donor, for people who helped give existence to Human Being/s. Is degrading to the Human Beings who have come into existence as a result of the two Human Being/s that created them-A Man & A Woman..
Since no Human Being is a Donated Sperm & Egg. Because you can not Donate another Being.
You can however Donate food, clothing and other lifeless essentials to charities. But a living Being is not a Donation.
A Human Being resulting through Conception/Pregnancy & Childbirth is not a Donated Sperm & Egg. That Human Being is a Human Being A Woman was Pregnant with & Then Birthed. If you are a Female raising a Human Being that makes you that Human Beings Mother, If you are a Male who raises that Human Being that makes you the Human Beings Father
And Adoption is not the Donation or Ownership of Another Human Being.
Adoption is the Parent role of Adoptive Parent/s willingly taking care of another Human Being out of love.
Answer Question
Asked by Anonymous at 4:31 PM on Apr. 22, 2011 in Pregnancy
Answers (4)
  • Um, because someone dontated either sperm or an egg. Neither of those two cells is a human being until fertilization and even then that is up for debate with a lot of people because believe it or not everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
    Answer by Anonymous at 4:35 PM on Apr. 22, 2011
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  • because these folks are deadbeat moms/dads
    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 4:43 PM on Apr. 22, 2011
    131576 Level 41 1 star1 star Pregnancy Minor
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  • Congrats you have successfully completely over thought this subject.
    Answer by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on Apr. 22, 2011
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  • Because they DONATED the sperm and the egg so a couple that cant have kids can have a baby and be the parents. Its almost like giving up for adoption. They are giving up their rights to that sperm sample and that egg so another couple. Those who donate are not going to be called parents/mom/dad. Those who carry and raise that child deserve that child (excluding the surrogate mother thing)

Building Infertility Awareness One Person at a Time. Circle + bloom

Circle + Bloom, elegantly simple and surprisingly effective
Building Infertility Awareness One Person at a Time.
When I tell people that there are 7.3 million couples affected by infertility in the United States alone, their response is usually of disbelief.  By contrast, there are about 200,000 new incidents of breast cancer each year.  Clearly, breast cancer is a devastating disease and 200,000 is an enormous number, but it does strike me that a disease that impacts 7.3 million couples has little awareness and is so misunderstood.

The RESOLVE organization has done a tremendous job in this year's National Infertility Awareness Week, which officially runs April 24 - April 30th.  They have created an excellent resource that lists events that are running both virtually and all across the country in an effort to build awareness. 

And as our way of celebrating, we are offering an unprecedented35% discount off any of our programs!  Simply enter "NIAW35" during April 24 - 30, 2011 to enjoy immediately.  Now is the time to download and buy!

And we are offering a free online interactive webinar with the esteemed Dr. Rob Kiltz on Monday night at 6pm (April 25th).  We will be discussing the mind-body connection and Dr. Kiltz will be ready to take your questions.  Click here for more information.
Myth Buster:  "You Can Always Just Adopt"
As part of NIAW, RESOLVE has challenged us to "Bust a Myth" about infertility.   You know when someone says to you "you can always just adopt" that they have no idea what they are talking about.  Like the process is easy?  Like the decision is straight-forward?

My closest friends decided to continue bu idling their family and adopted their third child.  We first wrote about their journey in this blog post called "The Windy Path of Adoption" and the extreme heart-aches they endured.   They never gave up, however, and they are now the very proud parents to a little baby boy adopted in Florida.

Their story is one of patience and courage for not only them but their family and friends who witnessed the highs and lows of their journey.  We were so happy to have had Stephanie talk with us in an incredible and raw story.

Happy Mind + Healthy Body
Introducing the latest addition to our family!

Ever wonder why you seem to get sick when you are over-tired? Ever wonder how you could use the Placebo effect to your advantage? Why you can’t stick to your New Years resolutions for healthy change? Or even how to effectively reduce stress so you can sleep better, reduce the times when you feel down or depressed, and improve your levels of energy?

Only $24.00 for the download and get started today!  And don't forget to use the 35% discount code this week, bringing the cost of this program to only $15.60!

Preferred Health Partners invites you to Meet & Greet the Infertility Specialist Vincent T. Brandeis, MD, FACOG

Preferred Health Partners invites you to
Meet & Greet the Infertility Specialist
Vincent T. Brandeis, MD, FACOG
Board Certified Reproductive Endocrinologist & Infertility Specialist
“Exploring Fertility Options ”
Thursday, April 28, 2011
5:30 pm-7:00 pm
Meet Dr. Vincent T. Brandeis as he discusses Assisted Reproductive technologies, (ART) such as In Vitro fertilization (IVF), IVF with donor egg, and more
Downtown Center
447 Atlantic Avenue @ Nevins Street
Brooklyn, New York 11217
This seminar is free of charge. Refreshments will be provided. RSVP @1-866-791-0993 or visit

Saturday, April 16, 2011


The Donor is saying she could have made more money and that ASRM guidelines are rules by which fertility clinics comply with or they lose their ASRM endorsement.

I wonder what Jennifer Lahl, producer of Eggsploitation would say about that. Her answer in Q&A at film screenings about the lure of donor compensation higher than the ASRM guidelines of not exceeding $10k is that those guidelines are ''meaningless''. Apparently.some donors and agencies are pretty angry that these guidelines are actually followed by the industry in general, as if colluding or price-fixing.

I will try to follow-up by posting anything ASRM publishes as a reply to this suit if I see anything.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Workshops, Books and Spring Wishes from IAC Center

April, 2011     Volume 7,  Number 2

I hope you will join us this spring for a brand new workshop: Frontload Your Child NOW for the challenges of Adolescence offered in BOTH Montclair on May 7, 2011 and Pennington May 14, 2011; and check out some great reading suggestions here too.

Lately I have been reading A LOT.  This may be due to the crazy weather which meant more time indoors; or possibly because reading keeps me on the stair master just a little bit longer, or that there are just so many good books.  I am up to a book a week and loving it. Some of these books have infertility and adoption themes, so I would like to share those with you.

  1. "Moloka'i"  is a beautiful and moving story about Rachel, a Hawaiian woman who contracts leprosy as a seven-year-old child in the 1890s and is deported to the island of Moloka'i, where she grows to adulthood in a quarantined settlement. We follow Rachel from youth, to her marriage to a fellow leper; to the birth of their healthy daughter, who they must give up for adoption to prevent infection; to Rachel's final years after sulfa drugs are discovered as a cure, leaving her free to seek out her family and daughter. Whether you read "Moloka'i"  for the history, to witness Rachel's resilience or to learn about adoption triad themes, this book is a great read.     
  2. On Fertile Ground: Healing Infertility by Helen Adrienne, a RESOLVE therapist, hypnotist and well-respected colleague of mine approaches the mind/body experience of infertility with practical exercises and solid mind/body stress reduction techniques.  Her approach provides inspiring benefits for building resilience, and learning how to respond rather than react to all kinds of life challenges.  
  3. In On It: What Adoptive Parents Would Like You To Know About Adoption. A Guide for Relatives and Friends  This is THE GIFT for your friends and family so they can understand and support your adoption journey. All I can say is that we are very lucky that Elisabeth O'Toole wrote this book because she really gets what this experience is all about, and coaches those you love to get it too.   
  4. A revised and updated version Adam Pertman's Adoption Nation  is about the changing role of adoption in American society; and includes current portrayals of adoption triad members and solid analysis about the politics, legalities, economics, and sociology of adoption. Putting adoption in its social context can be helpful to you, your family and friends. 
I wrote a new Adoptive Families Magazine (March/April issue) article: Surviving Infertility   about what it's normal to feel, even after you adopt and fall in love with your child. It may not be what you expected and in that way validating for many of you.
Speaking of children, it is never too early to start looking ahead! Whether you are a parent or a parent-to-be we recommend that you join us for our May Workshop:  Frontload Your Child NOW for the Challenges of AdolescenceWe are offering this workshop in Montclair  on May 7,2011 and in Pennington  May 14, 2011.   

This cutting edge workshop about the challenges of parenting came out of numerous IAC Center Counselor case discussion meetings in which it was often quite clear to us that families presenting with concerns about their kids would have benefited greatly if they had come into counseling much earlier.

Early intervention or prevention that results from looking ahead and thinking through certain issues gives parents a leg up. You can consciously develop parenting styles and skills that will position you and your children better for the inevitable challenges of the older child and teen years. And of course it is much easier to intervene before a child or often a parent's suffering has gone on for awhile. So join us... because they ALL grow up! And you want to help your child to be the best he or she can be.    

With the weather finally becoming beautiful, my plan is to invest in some really comfortable outside chairs so I can continue my reading odyssey in the fresh air. Please send me your picks as there are never too many books! I am at and welcome your suggestions, and any questions or comments about our favorite topics: infertility, adoption and resilience.

Dare I say it.....Happy Spring!


IAC Center Director

Upcoming IAC Center Workshops

IAC Center Groups with Openings

See our calendar  
We have many groups for:
o    Infertility
o    Pre-adoptive parents
o    Adoptive Parents
o    Children and Teens

We LOVE groups and believe that there is nothing like support to help you through the hard times and to increase your resilience to deal with adversity. Learn something, feel better, even have a laugh.  Visit our Calendar to learn more.
Counseling offers a non-biased overview of family building options to facilitate individuals and couples in making timely decisions that are mindful of long term implications. Using a life-long short-term counseling model, counseling is available throughout the adoption life cycle for all adoption triad members.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

From Mikki Morrissette: Special Resources for Single Women Building Families

As we develop more (largely free) e-books and other special guides for the Choice Mom community, I thought it would be helpful to list everything so far available. This list will grow in 2011, as we emphasize e-guides, including the upcoming Choice Mom E-Guide to Embryo Donation.
Please feel free to post this compilation on your website or otherwise share with your community. We'd love to collaborate on e-guides on other topics in 2011. Send me your thoughts.
If it's easier, this is a direct link to the post that provides direct links to the guides:

Special Resources for the Choice Mom/SMC community
"">Choice Mom Guide to Donor Sperm
The 28-page guidebook offers Q&A about key sperm bank policies... suggestions on how to make contact with donor families... resources for talking to your child... explanations about washed v. unwashed and more... expert insight on genetic testing... and a checklist of questions to ask your sperm bank. Do I Have a Dad? CD
This special 50-minute audio compilation features interviews with four experts (including two therapists from the Bay Area) about talking to our children about "daddies" and donors. It includes conversations with six Choice Moms about the kinds of questions and concerns they face as their children start using the daddy term or connect with their known donors. And it includes the insight of an anonymous donor who has had contact with grown offspring. Moms Guide to Fertility
Excerpt, from Choice Mom Cathi: "I never knew what a dolt I was about female fertility until I tried to understand my own. I wish it was as easy as coping with a bad golf game or quitting smoking. Practice doesn't help, and there are no tasty spearmint Bun-in-the-Oven gums to chew. No, there are long uncomfortable minutes with your toes in the air (I seem to recall that some don't conceive this way, but I'm having trouble remembering the concept). I tried ovulation test strips. These are great because I never get tired of peeing on things, especially my own hands." Mom Guide to Adoption
A 100-page compilation of expert insights and personal Choice Mom stories about the myths and realities of: building transracial families, negotiating open relationships with birth parents, the cost and accessibility of adoption to single women, bonding with your adopted child, parenting over 40, foster care options, and much more. Chat podcasts
With more than 34,000 downloads, these popular conversations cover everything from negotiating with a known donor, to everything you might want to know about at-home insemination, to profiles of women on the Choice Mom journey. of Choice Moms: 2010
Our top tips featured on in 2010, featuring everything from Organization to Building a Support Network, Q&A to Commentary. 10 Choice Mom Profiles: 2010
A compilation of some of the best personal stories shared on in 2010. of Donor Conception
Whether you are married or single, understanding the ramifications of using donor gametes can be scary. Here are unique perspectives shared from donor-conceived offspring, an anonymous donor, and the co-founder of Donor Sibling Registry.
Mikki Morrissette
Founder, Choice Moms
fax: (612) 225-1809