The NYC Gathering 12.14.10 Update

THIS SUNDAY-THE NYC GATHERING-Lets get together! We have many yeses so far, we need to finalize plans for Sunday, Dec 19, saxel95@aol.com



The NYC Gathering Womens Dinner in Midtown- Mondays,Jan 10, Feb 7, March 7, April 4, May 9, June 6, 6-8 pm, saxel95@aol.com, 516-967-7430.


Long Island Resolve Peer-Led Support Group-Third Thursdays Monthly, 7-9pm. Saxel95@aol.com, 516-967-7430.


NEW JERSEY GET-TOGETHER IN JANUARY-Sunday January 9-All-inclusive Gathering, Saxel95@aol.com.


Tuesdays -Judith Kottick,LCSW -Montclair NJ,Support Group for Donor Parenting mailto:Judykottick@comcast.net Tuesdays Dec-7, Workshop in Montclair April 2, 2011, details to follow or contact Judy directly now.


Weds-Midtown-Family Building Network for Donor Conception and Surrogacy-Support Group with Patricia Mendell, LCSW, Pmendell@aol.com Dec 15,Jan 19 from 7-9pm.


Weds-Anne Malave, PHd-Support Group for Women Exploring Egg Donation-2nd and 4th Weds of the month, 7-8:30 pm, afmalave@aol.com ,212-787-1304.


Tues-Third Party Parenting Network,Upper West Side-Dec 14,Support Group, Nancy Kaufman, LCSW, 212-772-1200 or thirdpartyparenting@yahoo.com.


Janet Mueller, PsyD., Primary Infertility Group, Tuesdays 7-8:30 in Plainview Long Island, $320 for 8 Sessions, Janetmu@earthlink.net.


Monday January 10th - the first of 4 (ongoing) classes in mind/body stress reduction @ NYU Fertility Center. Helen Adrienne, LCSW, BCD Psychotherapist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Practitioner of Mind/Body Therapy,420 East 64th Street,212-758-0125,helen@mind-body-unity.com


Thursdays-Midtown Not strictly Third Party Reproduction, open (free) drop-in group Carolyn Berger, LCSW. at Batzofin Fertility Center in Midtown on the 1st and 3rd Thursday each month, 6-7:3pm. cnberger@optonline.net 914-834-6396.


Carolyn Berger is also offering a new FERTILITY DISCUSSION SERIES beginning in January........
Come talk with fertility experts the first Wednesday evening of every month, 6-7:15 pm at Batzofin Fertility Services,NYC. There is no charge. Everyone is welcome to attend.


January 5: “How Healthy Eating and Losing Weight Can Help You Get Pregnant
February 2: “Options in Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART): It Takes a Team”
March 2: “Embryology: Choosing the Best Embryos to Transfer, Intricacies of ICSI and Much More”
April 6: “Can Acupuncture Help Me Get (and Stay) Pregnant?”
May 4: “Love and Infertility: Keeping Your Relationship Alive While Trying to Get Pregnant”
June 1: “Yoga for Fertility”
July 6: “Building Your Family in the LGBT Community"


Thanks and best wishes to all for a happy and healthy holiday season.
Sara Axel
The NYC Gathering
516-967-7430
http://donorgroupsnyc.blogspot.com/

The NYC Gathering Dec Update 12.5.10

New Items and date changes are highlighted. Please note that The NYC Gathering Womens Dinner and Long Island Resolve meetings are scheduled for 12-6 and 12-9, I had a scheduling conflict. Also, 2 Sundays are added as well as a new series being offered by Carolyn Berger, LCSW, please see details below.

The NYC Gathering Womens Dinner in Midtown- Mondays Dec 6 ,Jan 10, Feb 7, March 7, April 4, May 9, June 6, 6-8 pm, saxel95@aol.com, 516-967-7430.

Long Island Resolve Peer-Led Support Group-Third Thursdays Monthly -Dec 9, 7-9pm. Saxel95@aol.com, 516-967-7430.

Sunday, Dec 19-All-inclusive NYC Gathering, Upper West Side, Saxel95@aol.com.

Sunday January 9-All-inclusive NJ Gathering, Saxel95@aol.com.

Tuesdays -Judith Kottick,LCSW -Montclair NJ,Support Group for Donor Parenting mailto:Judykottick@comcast.net  Tuesadays Dec-7, Workshop in Montclair April 2, 2011, details to follow or contact Judy directly now.

Weds-Midtown-Family Building Network for Donor Conception and Surrogacy-Support Group with Patricia Mendell, LCSW, Pmendell@aol.com Dec 15,Jan 19 from 7-9pm.

Weds-Anne Malave, PHd-Support Group for Women Exploring Egg Donation-2nd and 4th Weds of the month, 7-8:30 pm, afmalave@aol.com ,212-787-1304.

Tues-Upper West Side-Dec 14,Support Group, Elizabeth SIlk, LCSW, 212-873-6434 , Nancy Kaufman, LCSW, 212-772-1200 or thirdpartyparenting@yahoo.com.

Thursdays-Midtown Not strictly Third Party Reproduction, open (free) drop-in group Carolyn Berger, LCSW. at Batzofin Fertility Center in Midtown on the 1st and 3rd Thursday each month, 6-7:3pm. cnberger@optonline.net 914-834-6396.

Carolyn Berger is also offering a new  FERTILITY DISCUSSION SERIES beginning in January........

Come talk with fertility experts the first Wednesday evening of every month, 6-7:15 pm at Batzofin Fertility Services,NYC. There is no charge. Everyone is welcome to attend.

January 5: “How Healthy Eating and Losing Weight Can Help You Get PregnantWith Weight Loss Expert Kavita Jhaveri-Patel.

February 2: “Options in Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART): It Takes a Team”With Joel Batzofin, MD, Kristina Salvati-Block, PA-C, and Colleen Ryan, BS; Batzofin Fertility Services.

March 2: “Embryology: Choosing the Best Embryos to Transfer, Intricacies of ICSI and Much More” With Mary Schalkoff, PhD, Embryologist, Batzofin Fertility Services.

April 6: “Can Acupuncture Help Me Get (and Stay) Pregnant?” With Mike Berkley, L.Ac. The Berkley Center for Reproductive Wellness, NYC.

May 4: “Love and Infertility: Keeping Your Relationship Alive While Trying to Get Pregnant” With Carolyn Berger, LCSW, Founding Board Chair of The American Fertility Association, Practice in Manhattan and Westchester.

June 1: “Yoga for Fertility” with Beth Gibney-Boulden, Registered Yoga Teacher, Certified in Fertility Yoga, Full Circle Family Care, White Plains, NY.

July 6: “Building Your Family in the LGBT Community” 

Thanks and best wishes to all for a happy and healthy holiday season.

Sara Axel

The NYC Gathering

TPPN Professionally-Led Support Group Info....The Power of Words…Spoken in a Group

The Power of Words…Spoken in a Group

By Nancy Kaufman LCSW, LP

NLKaufman@Yahoo.com

Last night a woman told her story out loud for the first time in front of other people. It had taken her years to summon up the courage to attend this group, years to come to terms with belonging here. But the look of relief as she spoke and her feelings of comfort as she heard others speak was palpable from across the room. She was, after all, talking to a room full of men and woman who all understood how she felt because they too had traveled this same long road. This is a group for men and woman who have taken the arduous journey of infertility and arrived (or are arriving at the decision to involve a third party in the creation of their families. We call the group The Third Party Parenting Network.

TPPN was created several years ago with the intent of providing an arena for people who were already parents of children conceived through third party reproduction (sperm donation, egg donation, and surrogacy) to meet one another and discuss ongoing concerns related to raising this unique generation of children.  Issues like disclosure as well as identity, self esteem, extended families, siblings, etc.

Led by Nancy Kaufman LCSW, LP a psychoanalyst with many years experience working in the field of infertility and with groups.

The latest research shows that women who are in some kind of talking therapy along with their medical treatment for infertility end up having more babies! Why? Because the emotional rigors (and rollercoaster ride) of infertility treatments can be overwhelming. What we have found is that when people come together to tell their stories they gain strength from hearing others who are in the same place or have, miraculously, passed through it. This is a very fluid setting. Not everyone comes to each month’s meeting. Sometimes spouses and partners come…sometimes not.

Sometimes the participants are already parents to children conceived through Third Party Reproduction and issues related to raising these children are discussed. These parents report that, unlike the total preoccupation they felt during the process of struggling to make this difficult decision, they now, rarely even think about the conception of their children and relish the group to have a special time and place to think about these issues. When a new member comes, desperately struggling with how to make these decisions they often report feeling relieved and hopeful from the combination of support, information and simply (or most importantly!) just feeling comfortable to have all their feelings and say them out loud. Sometimes someone comes who has just gotten pregnant or found a surrogate….sometimes a baby comes.

When someone is given the chance to “Just Say Everything” and their fears, frustrations and devastating disappointments are verbalized, heard and understood….miracles can occur and families are made.

The NYC Gathering Dec Update 11.28.10

The NYC Gathering Womens Dinner in Midtown- Mondays Dec 6 ,Jan 10, Feb 7, March 7, April 4, May 9, June 6, 6-8 pm, saxel95@aol.com, 516-967-7430. 

Sunday Dec 19, The NYC Gathering-All inclusive, Upper West Side, saxel95@aol.com.

Sunday Jan 9, NJ Gathering-All inclusive, saxel95@aol.com 

Long Island Resolve Peer-Led Support Group-Third Thursdays Monthly -Dec 9, Jan 20, Feb 10, Mar 17,Apr 14,  May 19, Jun 16,7-9pm. Saxel95@aol.com, 516-967-7430.


Tuesdays -Judith Kottick,LCSW -Montclair NJ,Support Group for Donor Parenting mailto:Judykottick@comcast.net  Tuesadays Dec-7, Workshop in Montclair April 2, 2011, details to follow or contact Judy directly now.


SPECIAL LONG ISLAND Gathering 12-2-10, to be held at Grand Opening Reception of THE BERKLEY CENTER in Plainview to discuss Reproductive Wellness with Mike Berkely. Details to follow. 

Weds-Midtown-Family Building Network for Donor Conception and Surrogacy-Support Group with Patricia Mendell, LCSW, Pmendell@aol.com Dec 15,Jan 19 from 7-9pm.

Weds-Anne Malave, PHd-Support Group for Women Exploring Egg Donation-2nd and 4th Weds of the month, 7-8:30 pm, afmalave@aol.com ,212-787-1304.


Stress Reduction for Infertility Classes with Helen Adrienne, LCSW, BCD, 420 East 64th Street call 212-758-0125,or email helen@helenadrienne.com, 6:30-8:30PM,cost $75.00. Meets@NYU Fertility Center, 660 First Avenue, 6th Floor, corner of 38th Street, NYC.


Janet Mueller, PsyD., Primary Infertility Group, Tuesdays 7-8:30 in Plainview Long Island, $320 for 8 Sessions, Janetmu@earthlink.net.
          
Thursdays-Midtown Not strictly Third Party Reproduction, open (free) drop-in group Carolyn Berger, LCSW. at Batzofin Fertility Center in Midtown on the 1st and 3rd Thursday each month, 6-7:3pm. cnberger@optonline.net 914-834-6396.                


Tues-Upper West Side-Dec 14,Support Group, Elizabeth SIlk, LCSW, 212-873-6434 , Nancy Kaufman, LCSW, 212-772-1200 or thirdpartyparenting@yahoo.com. 

Sara Axel

The NYC Gathering
516-967-7430

http://donorgroupsnyc.blogspot.com/

Bodies of Paint, Art Exhibition by Bob Axel at Soho Photo Dec 7,2010

Gallery Opening, 6-8 pm, White Street in Tri Beca. 
Please join Bob and I at the next opening where some of his recent work will be featured. They are beautiful pieces and I'm very proud and excited about Bob's fresh point of view and new, totally unique ways of working with the figure.

DE Moms Talking about the NYC Gathering Nov 14,2010

To start with,here's a conversation that sums it all up for me. The other mom is a married parent of a non-de kid (older daughter mentioned below) and the other a de kid. 
She said:

Good work, Mama. It was a nice event. Husband was glad he went.  Our daughter was glad we went.  She was impressed that so many people were all there to discuss be in or becoming a family "like us".  Today after dinner I hugged her and told her that the day she was born, the day I first became a mother, was one of the happiest of my life.  Her response was  "I think that will make me really happy too one day.  And if I can't  have kids  I'll adopt one or get some eggs".  So matter-of-fact. I thought that was awesome.

And I said, Thank you for being you and being there for me as well-notes like this make itworthwhile. My daughter was totally beaming and very into it that yours asked for a play date.So, I said we'd come to the city to have one soon. I mean she was glowing! Then shesaid why dont you guys come here. Then stopped herself and said, no, they can't come here because its too messy at our house. So I said that not only do we like to go to the citybut that it really doesnt matter where we have a playdate, just that we have one. 

The NYC Gathering November 14, 2010~More Clinicians, Mental Health Professionals, Healthcare Professionals

Nancy Freeman-Carroll, PsyD-Childrens Book Review (round-table 1)& Nature and Nurture (round-table 2) Nancy is a Clinician in NYC with Group and Private practice in Parenting and Infertility with a focus on Womens Health, Parenting After ART and Family Counseling. She has presented at ASRM and The NYC Gathering and is a DE Mom. (NYCG 1&2)


Patricia Mendell, LCSW and Co-Chair of The AFA-Disclosure and Professionally Led Support Group. Patricia has a Private and Group Practice with a focus on Disclosure as the founder of The Family Building Network. (FBN, 1&2) 

Patricia presented 2 well-received workshops in 2009&2010, Launching The Family Building Network at The NYC Gathering, leading workshops in Creating the Family Story for Families Created Through Donor and Surrogacy. She is a leader in the mental health field helping those facing the challenges of infertility and family-building on a local and national level.

Mary Fusillo, RN, De Mom, The Donor Solution Agency Owner and Healthcare Professional (round-table 1 only) Former Clinic Donor Program Coordinator, and Mom to 12 yo daughter. Mary is a volunteer through Donormoms of Houston and has presented at ASRM, and The NYC Gathering. (TDS, 1)

Rosalind Hoffman, MD- DE/DS Mom-Decision-making and donor selection for Choice Moms (roundtable 1 )and general SMC Support with Mary M and Cindy S (round-table2). Long Island Resolve Peer Group Member. General SMC Discussion and Support group to follow with NYC Gathering Members.(CM 1&2)

Rev. Susy Nason-Child Development and Family Communication Expert to 

introduce and discuss the How To Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk method. (RSN/HTT, 1&2)

Amy Demma, JD.ART Patients as ART Law Client:Navigating Collaborative Reproduction, 11.14.10

 Another great round-table discussion to attend on Sunday, November 14,2010...


Amy Demma, JD. When an ART Patients is also an ART Law Client: a practical discussion about navigating collaborative reproduction from the “parentage” perspective. Amy is a New York State licensed attorney working in assisted family building, primarily third-party and donor collaboration. Amy is a Vice President on the Executive Committee of RESOLVE of New England and serves on the ARTs Law Committee of the American Bar Association. (AD/ART,1&2)

Amy will be joined by Jill R. Shellow, JD of NY, to enhance these discussions with her legal experience in ART parenting.

(Jill was inspired to attend and contribute today as a parent via ART and has attended CLE programs in the legal field that address estate planning issues raised by ART and the developing law. She feels strongly that prospective parents understand the legal ramifications of their choices as well as their social and medical choices and consider how they may intersect in ART Parenting.)

Liz Swire Falker, JD:Adoption and ART Decision-making at The NYC GATHERING, Nov 14,2010

Liz Swire Falker, JD:Adoption and ART Decision-making (round-table 2 only)Liz shares her perspective and expertise in Family Law and speaks as a peer about her personal experience. She is known as a family advocate and has written and widely on the topic of Family-building in many forms. (LSF,2)

 Liz will be joined by Jill R. Shellow, JD of NY, to enhance these discussions with her legal experience in ART parenting.

(Jill was inspired to attend and contribute today as a parent via ART and has attended CLE programs in the legal field that address estate planning issues raised by ART and the developing law. She feels strongly that prospective parents understand the legal ramifications of their choices as well as their social and medical choices and consider how they may intersect in ART Parenting.)

Acupuncture for Infertility, November 14,2010

Deciding on a round-table discussion for the Workshop on Sunday, consider this one...


Mike Berkley-Acupuncture for Fertility- Mike Berkley is the Director of The Berkley Center for Reproductive Wellness, the first center of complimentary medicine to specialize in the treatment of infertility. He has been in practice for 13 years as a fertility practice. (ACU,1&2)

(Mike will be joined by Patti Safian, who runs Acupuncture Wellness and Fertility Center in Montclair, New Jersey, an affiliate of The Berkley Center for Reproductive Wellness. Trained in the Berkley Method, she also incorporates functional medicine, nutrition and yoga into her practice. )

Representing The NYC Gathering on November 14,2010

Traveling for Donor IVF -this discussion will be led by a member of our community that has participated in numerous capacities in peer-support, as a guest speaker for Resolve, as a member of  PVED.Org andTPPN and of course, The NYC Gathering. (NYC/Trav, 1)

But IN CASE this family can’t make it…..

General Peer Support-This discussion will be led by a member of our on-going Womens DInner in Midtown who is also a new mom via egg donation. She has been involved in The NYC Gathering and is a member of PVED.Org, and will be available to share her insights, support and experience with others who are considering or parenting via de. (NYC/Gen,2, or 1 and 2)

Judy Kottick at The NYC Gathering November 14,2010

Judy Kottick-LCSW-Talking with Friends and Family  Judy is a Clinician in Private Practice facilitating Donor Parenting groups,  is on staff at IVF NJ facilitating Donor and Recipient Screenings, has presented at ASRM and The NYC Gathering. Judy will join the IVF NJ group for round-table 2.  

Here are some of the questions I posed to Judy for Sundays discussion groups:

Since we can't un-tell and we have already told so much of our fertility/trying to conceive story but then shut down when it came to using a donor, can you tell us how to re-build some privacy without alienating people or feeling like we are living a lie to the people we are close to?

Also, what do you think makes a patient emotionally ''ready'' to move on to donor and what are some ways to determine our own readiness to move in that direction.

And about donors, what are the various tests and interviewing procedures used in donor screenings and how much information is available to ip's about the donor in most clinic programs.

Long Island Parents via DS - photo story books, meeting donor sibling family, share their journey with us.

Deciding on a round-table discussion for the workshop, consider this one...


Long Island Parents via DS-will show us their photo story books, discuss their experience meeting donor sibling family, and share their journey with us. 

 I am not only inspired by their personal story and  creative way of story-telling about donor-conception to their child, I have personally been exploring digital and real-life scrapbooking and photographyas a way to tell our own family story. The opportunity to open up the discussion between parents and children through visual and personal means is very empowering to me.

Conversation with Carolyn N. Berger, November 13, 2010

Deciding on a round-table discussion group for the Workshop on November 14,2010, consider this one...

Carolyn N. Berger, LCSW-Disclosure in Blended Families:When Children Come into the Family through Adoption And/Or Third Party And/Or Are Genetically Related. Carolyn is a clinician in NYC and Westchester with a practice devoted to Fertility, All Forms of Family Building and Adoption.

Carolyn will be discussing the questions she hears often about raising families that are created the traditional way plus through adoption, or the traditional way plus through 3rd-party reproduction.  The questions tend to be about how you can create a feeling of belonging-ness and equality for kids in families such as these.  

Conversation with Joann Paley Galst, November 13, 2010

Deciding which round-table discussion to Joann Paley Galst,Ph.D-Attachment, Identity Formation and Family Building: How and Why It Is Safe To Disclose.  Please see the June 2009 recap here on DONORGROUPSNYC about wonderful The AFA Teleconference that Joanne led with Patricia Mendell. 

Joann Paley Galst, Ph.D., psychologist in private practice, co-chair of the American Fertility Association support services, past-chair of the Mental Health Professional Group of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, and co-author of Ethical Dilemmas in Fertility Counseling, published by the American Psychological Association in 2010.

I asked Joann this question in preparation for the discussion.Is there anything we can do as individuals or as a group, to not have to take on educating everyone we meet about this issue, but perhaps impart on them the need to be less judging around these different ways of family-building?

Joann said-yes, I do see it as often necessary to advocate for one's child in educating people. Yes, you can stress the various ways in which families are formed in various settings, but if the insensitive question arises, Who's the REAL parent?, more pointed education may be needed.

TPPN at THE NYC Gathering November 14,2010

Deciding on your round-table sign-ups for Sunday Nov 14, Consider this...

Nancy Kaufman, LCSW, LP. The Third Party Parenting Network. 

 

Nancy's roundtable will focus on how being part of an ongoing group with other trusted individuals who share similar concerns can have a tremendous impact on addressing parenting issues, unique to raising children conceived through Third Party Reproduction, as they go through different maturational stages.

Nancy Kaufman LCSW, LP, Psychoanalyst and professional leader of The Third Party Parenting Network is a clinician in Private Practice in NYC for over 25 years, with an expertise in groups, family building and disclosure.

More Support to Follow the Nov 14 Workshop

Please Reply: to SAXEL95@aol.com to Register for THE NYC GATHERING WORKSHOP NOV 14,2010 TO SIGN UP FOR YOUR DISCUSSION GROUP CHOICES, Send Questions for the professionals in advance, especially if you had a THIRD CHOICE!

Great opportunities to follow-up after the workshop with your local support group and other events in the NY Area.

The NYC Gathering Womens Dinner in Midtown- Tues 11-16, Mon 12-13 saxel95@aol.com. 516-967-7430, 5:30-7:30pm.

Long Island Resolve Peer-Led Support Group-Third Thursdays Monthly -Nov 18, Dec 16, 7-9pm. Saxel95@aol.com, 516-967-7430.

Tuesdays -Judith Kottick,LCSW -Montclair NJ,Support Group for Donor Parenting mailto:Judykottick@comcast.net  Tuesadays 10-26,12-7

SPECIAL LONG ISLAND MEETING 12-2-10, to be held at Grand Opening Reception of THE BERKLEY CENTER in Plainview to discuss Reproductive Wellness with Mike Berkely and Dr Dave Kreiner.

Weds-Midtown-Family Building Network for Donor Conception and Surrogacy-Support Group with Patricia Mendell, LCSW, Pmendell@aol.com 11-17,12-15,1-19 from 7-9pm.

Weds-Anne Malave, PHd-Support Group for Women Exploring Egg Donation-2nd and 4th Weds of the month, 7-8:30 pm, afmalave@aol.com ,212-787-1304.

Tues-Upper West Side-Nov 9, Dec 14,Support Group, Elizabeth SIlk, LCSW, 212-873-6434 , Nancy Kaufman, LCSW, 212-772-1200 or thirdpartyparenting@yahoo.com.

Thursdays-Midtown Not strictly Third Party Reproduction, open (free) drop-in group Carolyn Berger, LCSW. at Batzofin Fertility Center in Midtown on the 1st and 3rd Thursday each month, 6-7:3pm. cnberger@optonline.net 914-834-6396.

Stress Reduction for Infertility Classes with Helen Adrienne, LCSW, BCD, 420 East 64th Street call 212-758-0125,or email helen@helenadrienne.com, 6:30-8:30PM,cost $75.00. Meets@NYU Fertility Center, 660 First Avenue, 6th Floor, corner of 38th Street, NYC.

A Conversation about NOT TELLING with Diane Ehrensaft 11.8.10

Talking with Diane Ehrensaft, Author of "Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates". Todays question for Diane is about  NOT TELLING.  


Sara:
The Nov 14 workshop will have a variety of options available on the topic of disclosure. With that in mind,I have wanted to support the people who are in what we call "the no-tell camp". Not with the objective to change anyones mind about this, but rather to help them to process whatever feelings go along with parenting after donor conception and surrogacy. 

So Diane,can you start off with anything you think might be helpful for
those on the other side of the disclosure discussion?


Diane:
Okay, here are some thoughts about emotional experiences for parents who have decided not tell their children: 

There is no boiler plate solution to sharing or not sharing with your children the facts of their conception, and each parent or set of parents will make their own choices about that, matching their family needs and personal beliefs. 


For those of you who decide not to tell, a whole host of feelings may come up that are good to be prepared for. You may feel caught in the vice created by the tensions between two opposing groups: those who feel there is no reason for a child to know (this being the common stance of the medical field over the years) vs. those who feel you are doing a disservice to your child, both emotionally and medically (for those who use donors), by not telling them the real story of their conception. 


Your job, of course, will be to hold to your own personal decision regarding your child while giving yourself room to explore all the reasons you made that decision. Some parents who don't tell worry that they will be "outed"--that somehow their child will find out from another source and be furious at them, even reject them. Some of you in the not telling camp may hold a belief that genetics are really not that important and wonder why others make such a big deal of it. Indeed, there are many in other countries who have just that thought about we Americans, and feel strongly that once the egg and sperm come together, all that matters is that a baby is made who is yours for the rest of your lives, and that it is presumptuous to assert that the children will ever even care about it at all. You may feel relieved that you don't have anything that will get in the way of the love between you and your child, which is all that all of us would ever want in our bonds to our children. You may feel relieved that your child is protected from potential harm if you live in a community or within an extended family which would not take kindly to a child conceived in these "new-fangled" ways.


If there are two parents, and you are the non-genetic parent, not telling makes it so much easier to create an even playing field between you and your partner, so that there is no worry about your child seeing you partner as the more "real" parent. Just like people who have chosen to tell, you may wonder at times if you have made the right decision to not tell, and indeed there are some people whose feelings change over time and then decide at a later date that they would like to tell their children. Parenthood is a life long process with twists and turns along the way, so what we know now as a parent of an infant may be so different from what we come to know later as a parent of a teenager. The felt advantage of deciding not to tell early in your child's life is that it is a decision you can definitely change later, whereas if you make an early decision to tell your child about his or her origins and then regret it , there is absolutely no way to undo that decision once the cat is out of the bag. 


Whatever the range of your feelings, the most important thing is that you feel supported for the way you have chosen to build your family, including the decision not to tell, for in the larger scheme of things, we should remember that we are all family.


Sara:Diane, thanks as always. 

Considering and Creating Strong Families ~ Registration Information

Please advise on the following information:

Your Name and Name of anyone attending with you. 

Name of Discussion group and/or Leader / Round-table sign-up. See the attached update for new topics and leaders added. If you are undecided let me know that too. 

If you have any requests in advance, or questions you would like to ask of any of the discussion leaders to get us started during the Luncheon-Intro-Q&A, please send then to me by Thursday so I can send them to the leaders to prepare. We will also collect some feedback and/or more questions during the round-tables to use for open discussion during the second Q&A.

There will also be 2 open tables for on-going support and break-aways, whatever might be needed for wrapping up, extra chats, etc.

Privacy and respect will be honored throughout the day to create a safe environment and foundation for future gatherings. We have a great line-up and a wonderful day planned. 

With thanks and best to all,

Sara Axel

The NYC Gathering
516-967-7430

http://donorgroupsnyc.blogspot.com/