Resources,Information & Insights on Third Party Reproduction and Parenting by Sara Axel
The NYC Gathering
Our Community
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
PVED NYC Meeting Recap 5.17.15
I first met Marna 13 years ago on a yahoo group called MVED, Mothers via Egg Donation. We became part of a small community of family-builders. We had each other to laugh with, cry with, coach and encourage. Marna went on to form PVED, a non-profit, and I went on to form The NYC Gathering.
The first presenter on Sunday was Amelia (Amy) Demma who sits on the PVED board. Follow your heart on your family building journey but seek legal counsel and have the appropriate contracts in place. Amelia can help you in NY State or help you find an attorney in another state. She specializes in Embryo Donation and has experience in all facets of third party reproduction.
Amelia also mentioned legislation which is being proposed in Albany by Sen. Brad Hoylman, D-Manhattan. Due to New York's laws on surrogacy agreements, the senator and his husband had to have their daughter in California.
Hoylman and Assemblywoman Amy Paulin, D-Scarsdale, sponsor the Child-Parent Security Act (A.6701/S.4617), which would create legal requirements and conditions for paying someone to carry and birth a child. I believe the bill also covers egg donation.
The next presenter was Carole Lieber-Wilkins of LAFAMILYBUILDING, also on the board at PVED. Carole is the parent of child #11 conceived through egg donation in the 1980's. She is also an adoptive parent. She adapted the model of talking to her child about adoption to talk about egg donation. Carole drove home the point that the parents of donor-conceived are the only parents, the donor is a donor, another person but not the parent.
A resource for literature for kids and parents is the DCN, Donor Conception Network. They have books for sale as well as a series of free downloadable articles called Telling and Talking, broken down by age group.
Marna wrapped things up by sharing her story as a parent to a 15 yr old son conceived via egg donation and her passion for helping others on a similar path. She used an anonymous donor and a decade later asked her clinic to contact the donor to see if she would be open to contact from Marna and family. The answer was YES and they have met in person and become close. She also recommends the Donor Sibling Registry which also connects donors and families, as well as families to each other who might have genetic siblings through shared or repeat donor cycles.
Marna is available to answer questions, consult on family-building, and support you on your journey. PVED offers a number of forums for contact with others going through or have been through the process, and so much more.
Thank you again to Marna, Amelia and Carole.
Thursday, April 23, 2015
Monthly Support Group Meeting led by Patricia Mendell Thursday June 4, 2015
Discussions will include:
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Date:
Time:
Cost:
Location:
Contact:
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Thursday, June 4, 2015
7:00-8:30 pm
$20 per person, $30 per family
902 Broadway (between 20th-21st Sts. next to
920 Broadway), 13th Floor, NYC 10010
Patricia Mendell, LCSW, 212-819-1778
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Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Chapter two
Sara Axel
516-967-7430
Sent from my iPhone
My So-Called Family by Courtney Scheinmel
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Fwd: Making choices from a place of love or fear?
Sara Axel
Begin forwarded message:
From: Wendy Kramer <wendy@donorsiblingregistry.com>
Date: June 18, 2014 at 9:58:04 AM EDT
To: Wendy Kramer <wendy@donorsiblingregistry.com>
Subject: Making choices from a place of love or fear?
https://www.donorsiblingregistry.com/blog/
Since participating in the Katie Couric Show in which an egg donor meets her donor daughter for the first time, I've been mulling over, and simplifying this issue down to the basics. I have these thoughts…
Making choices from a place of love or fear?
Getting to spend time with Janet, Jim, and Brittan before, and after the Katie show was inspiring. Because Jim has a genetic connection to his daughter, I was more focused on Janet, Brittan's mom, as many of the non-genetic parents in donor families seem to struggle much more with the idea of their children connecting with donor relatives. Decisions about donor conception, including the ones about connecting to unknown relatives, can be complicated, but I suggest we can simplify these decisions down to just two choices, love or fear.
When looking at the choice that mom Janet made, to open up her life to her egg donor, I see it as choosing between love and fear. Fears might include complicating your life, or opening your family up to a situation that might be out of your control. The truth is that as your child grows up and heads into the world, these concerns, as well as a plethora of others, are realized regularly, in our everyday lives of raising children. So we can keep our kids safe, at all cost, or give them opportunities to expand themselves in the world, and learn about their own power, strength, and their ability to open themselves up to love.Certainly, when faced with opening our lives to unknown genetic relatives, we might feel fear, confusion or worry. We can make choices solely based on these feelings. We can let our feelings of insecurity as parents hold us back. What if my child likes them better? How will the dynamics of our family be changed? What if my child realizes that I haven't been a "perfect" parent? None of us have been "perfect" parents- and meeting the donor isn't going to out this fact (those with teenagers can count on them to do this!).
We have the opportunity in these situations, to make our choices coming from a place of love, instead of from fear. We can choose to see the opportunities in reaching out and connecting- in expanding our child's, and our own sense of family. We can be open to this new idea of family and see how it actually might strengthen our relationship with our child, not threaten it in any way.
When we watched Janet, we saw a confident and strong parent. Did she have fears and hesitations? Yes, most certainly. Did she realize that the benefits for her child would largely outweigh any concerns she might have had? It sure appears so. We watched Janet be empowered as a parent, and witnessed her confidence, love, and support. She had the grace to not only meet, but to completely embrace her egg donor JoLana, on national television no less. We felt her sense of gratitude, and wonder, as she looked into the eyes and held the hand of the woman who made it possible for her to have her beautiful daughter.
Janet rose to the occasion, and was therefore empowered in her role as parent to Brittan. She put the needs and desires of her child (to seek out and connect with her egg donor) above those of herself and this is the ultimate sacrifice that parents make for their children. It is also the greatest gift we can give to our children, and to ourselves.
"There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life." ~ John Lennon
Finding Our Families: A First-of-Its-Kind Book for Donor Conceived People and Their FamiliesFirst 3 segments of Katie can be seen here: http://katiecouric.com/2014/06/11/the-search-for-my-egg-donor/
Wendy Kramer
www.donorsiblingregistry.com
"There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children.
One is roots; the other wings." - Hodding Carter
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Fwd: June 12th Katie Couric Show- Egg Donor Meets Teen Offspring
Sara Axel
Begin forwarded message:
From: Wendy Kramer <wendy@donorsiblingregistry.com>
Date: June 3, 2014 at 8:13:22 AM EDT
To: Wendy Kramer <wendy@donorsiblingregistry.com>
Subject: June 12th Katie Couric Show- Egg Donor Meets Teen Offspring
The piece will feature a 16 year old girl and her parents meeting their egg donor, and her two daughters, for the first time. Very emotional and it shows how important these connections can be - for all involved.
Please forward to anyone who might benefit from seeing this type of a meeting. It's important for prospective parents to actually see offspring who long to know about the invisible sides of themselves, and how rewarding these connections can be- for not only the children, but also for the donors and parents.
This family was profoundly moved by the opportunity to meet each other 2 months ago, and they continue to re-define and expand their new family. As more stories like this get out into the public, and with growing numbers of clinics and agencies writing the DSR into their contracts between egg donors and recipients to establish contact right from the start, these types of connections will be much more common.
Check your local listings for exact times (usually at 3:00) and ABC channel. http://katiecouric.com/on-the-show/Best wishes,WendyFinding Our Families: A First-of-Its-Kind Book for Donor Conceived People and Their Families
"There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children.
One is roots; the other wings." - Hodding Carter
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Is It Important to Know Sperm or Egg Donor Identity? | Psychology Today
http://m.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemporary-psychoanalysis-in-action/201405/is-it-important-know-sperm-or-egg-donor-identity
Sara Axel
516-967-7430
Sent from my iPhone
Thursday, February 6, 2014
The Baby-Making Business: on the front lines of Toronto’s booming, semi-legal surrogacy market | torontolife.com
http://www.torontolife.com/informer/features/2014/02/03/baby-making-business-surrogacy-market-toronto/
Sara Axel
516-967-7430
Sent from my iPhone
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Fwd: NEW DSR TV SERIES COMING THIS NOVEMBER!
Sara Axel
Begin forwarded message:
From: Wendy Kramer <wendy@donorsiblingregistry.com>
Date: September 1, 2013, 8:46:03 AM EDT
To: Sara <saxel95@aol.com>
Subject: NEW DSR TV SERIES COMING THIS NOVEMBER!
MTV News & Docs announces a new docu-series! Six episodes of the compelling new one-hour docu-drama Generation Cryo will explore the issues faced by a new generation of kids coming of age who were conceived via anonymous sperm donors and are redefining what it means to be a family. The series will document the journey of Breeanna, a 17-year-old only child, who recently logged onto the DSR and learned that she has at least 15 half-siblings all fathered by a man none of them know. Now, Bree's on a mission to meet all of her half-brothers and sisters and lead them on a nationwide search to find their biological father. July 27, 2013 LA Times article!
"There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One is roots; the other wings." - Hodding Carter
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Upcoming TV Show focuses on Donor Conceived
From Wendy Kramer- of The Donor Sibling Registry- we also have a tv show coming out this fall that focuses on a 17 year old donor conceived girl who meets many of her half siblings, while also searching for her donor. I think you will find it interesting as we show many of the mixed feelings of both the donor kids, and the parents.
http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/tv/showtracker/la-et-st-tca-press-tour-mtv-generation-cryo-donor-reality-show-,0,4558835.story
Finding Our Families: A First-of-Its-Kind Book for Donor Conceived People and Their Families
Mixed feelings but glad to promote Wendy Kramer’s outstanding work in the field.
Finding Our Families: A First-of-Its-Kind Book for Donor Conceived People and Their Families
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The first comprehensive book for children born through donor conception and their families An estimated more than one million people have been born in the U.S. through donor sperm or eggs, including Wendy Kramer’s son. Realizing the unique concerns of being or parenting a donor-conceived child, Kramer launched what would become the world’s largest database for connecting donor-conceived people, the Donor Sibling Registry (DSR). Finding Our Families provides additional support for this growing community. With compassion and insight, the authors draw on extensive research to address situations families face throughout a donor-conceived child’s development, including the search for a biological parent or half-sibling, and how to forge a healthy self-image. |
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If you are thinking about having a baby through donor conception, this book is for you. If you are a donor conceived person, this book is for you. If you are a parent raising a child who came to you through the help of an egg or sperm donor, this book is for you. If you are a medical or mental health professional, helping people build their families through donor conception, this book is for you… With wise, compassionate, practical and innovative advice, Kramer and Cahn guide readers through the ever unfolding world of donor conception. They take on the challenges of identifying language to describe new definitions of family and address the complexities—and rewards—that come when people search for donors and other genetic connections. Finding Our Families is that rare book that you will read and return to again and again over time, appreciating and understanding it in different ways as you explore and discover new forms of kinship. -Ellen Glazer LICSW, Co-Author, "Having Your Baby Through Egg Donation" Click here to read Ellen's full book review! *** Finding Our Families isn’t just a good and important book – it’s a necessary one. -Adam Pertman, President of the Adoption Instititute, Author, "Adoption Nation" *** This gem of a book is based on the unique experience of the founder of the Donor Sibling Registry, Wendy Kramer, who has heard from members of thousands of families who owe their existence to donated sperm and/or eggs. Kramer and Cahn have written a heartfelt, practical, easy-to-read, and step-by-step book that is indispensable for all members of such families. With the aid of numerous first-person accounts, the book describes what, when and how to tell your child about his or her genetic origin, how to accept and process the usual desire of offspring to learn about their roots, how to proceed with the search for biological relatives, how to reach out to the donors, and what happens afterwards. Finding our Families includes empathetic and useful sections about meeting the donors, connecting with half-siblings and their families, recognizing the potential outcomes, and handing rejection of efforts to connect. A chapter written specifically for offspring is very useful. This book is must reading for all members of the family.- Jennifer P. Schneider, M.D., Ph.D. *** Finding Our Families is a must read for anyone in any part of a process related to donor insemination. Whether you've just opened the door to an idea about using donor sperm or your donor children are grown, this is a book for you. Comprehensive, thoughtful and full hearted, this book addresses the myriad of issues that can arise in donor families. It is an inclusive, sensitive map to guide anyone touched by the joys and complexities of donor insemination. The authors pull from the amazing anecdotal work Kramer has done, as well as research she's spearheaded in this arena. Three cheers for this groundbreaking work and may it reach a professional audience, as well as the families they write about. -Susan Frankel, MFT *** This ground-breaking book affirms what donor-conceived people have been telling us (in media interviews, at seminars and support groups, on blogs and internet forums, etc): they want, need and deserve to be told the truth about their genetic origins and the right to decide for themselves whether to seek contact with their donor and/or half-siblings. And thanks to Wendy Kramer's hard work, dedication and innovation in creating the Donor Sibling Registry, many donor-conceived people are now able to "find the other 50% of *** Finding Our Families gently stretches us to consider the experiences of all those involved in helping make our families. As a psychotherapist, a lesbian, and the mother of a donor-conceived child, I finished this book as a more compassionate and forgiving person. There is nothing more powerful than the truth. –Liz Margolies, Founder and Executive Director of the National LGBT Cancer Network *** Clearly written and well-organized, this is an indispensable guide for all those who are part of families formed with donated eggs or sperm. -Rene Almeling, Assistant professor of sociology at Yale University and the author of "Sex Cells: The Medical Market for Eggs and Sperm". *** The definition of ‘family’ is rapidly changing and Wendy and Naomi's book provides a clear and helpful guide through this uncharted territory. Their advice on communicating with children, by far the most challenging and important aspect of this journey, is compassionate and wise. Thank goodness for this wonderful and much-needed book! –Jane Mattes, LCSW, Founder and Director, Single Mothers by Choice. *** *** An invaluable resource for anyone searching for their donor or donor siblings through the Donor Sibling Registry. -Susan Golombok, Ph.D., University of Cambridge *** You've written a wonderful and much needed book for donor conceived kids and their families! I am impressed with the depth of your insights and I really like the way you have cited the latest research in the field. *** The one thing we as human beings deserve more than anything else is our own, personal truth. Wendy Kramer and Naomi Cahn have long fought for this right, even before it was fashionable to do so. These well-respected advocates for the donor-conceived and their families bring outspoken tenacity and audacious courage to the pages of this significant book.- Corey Whelan, patient advocate and author, The American Fertility Association | |||
Wendy Kramer
www.donorsiblingregistry.com
303-258-0902
"There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One is roots; the other wings." - Hodding Carter
Infertility and Adoption Support Groups: The Top 5 Benefits, by Joni Mantell
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
State law change to help children find donor parent | theage.com.au
http://m.theage.com.au/victoria/state-law-change-to-help-children-find-donor-parent-20130820-2s9ga.html
Sara Axel
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Fwd: Survey of 1700 Sperm Donor Recipients
Sara Axel
Begin forwarded message:
From: Wendy Kramer <wendy@donorsiblingregistry.com>
Date: August 18, 2013, 7:47:27 AM EDT
To: Sara <saxel95@aol.com>
Subject: Survey of 1700 Sperm Donor Recipients
2013 Reproductive BioMedicine Online: A SURVEY OF 1700 Women who formed
their families using donor spermatozoa
The pdf of this paper is attached, and can be accessed on the DSR's Research page:
http://www.donorsiblingregistry.com/resource-library/dsr-research
"This paper reports the results of an online survey of 1700 recipients of
donor spermatozoa conducted by the Donor Sibling Registry, aiming to understand
the perspectives of respondents who had used donor spermatozoa. The survey
examined: choice of sperm bank and donor; reporting of births and genetic disorders;
disclosure; contact with donor and half-siblings; regulation of sperm donor
activity and genetic testing; and access to medical information. The respondents
formed three groups: single women; women in a same-sex relationship; and
women in a heterosexual relationship. Some differences between the three cohorts
were observed: pre-insemination counseling; acceptance of donors without medical
records or with chronic or late-onset diseases; awareness of choice of bank
and type of donor; and views on the right of offspring to know their genetic
origins. However, important areas of common ground were identified: the
wish by those who had used an anonymous donor that they had used an open-identity
donor; support for, and willingness to pay for, comprehensive genetic testing of
donors; and desire for access to their donor's family health information.
The implications of these results for policies concerning the use and
management of donor spermatozoa will be discussed."
"There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One is roots; the other wings." - Hodding Carter
<survey1700womenspermatozoa.pdf>
Monday, August 5, 2013
Fwd: New paper on Donor Grandparents!
Sara Axel
Begin forwarded message:
From: Wendy Kramer <wendy@donorsiblingregistry.com>
Date: July 11, 2013, 10:53:06 AM EDT
To: Wendy Kramer <wendy@donorsiblingregistry.com>
Subject: New paper on Donor Grandparents!
The Journal of Family Issues, May 2013: A New Path to Grandparenthood: Parents of Egg and Sperm Donors. Diane Beeson, Patricia Jennings, Wendy Kramer.
"...third-party reproduction has implications not only for the donor, recipients, and offspring, but also for the parents of donors, who in increasing numbers are learning that they are the biological grandparents of one, or sometimes many, children born outside of their family. In this article we examine this new path to grandparenthood by reviewing some of the social processes that have led to the emergence of this phenomenon."
Abstract
Assisted reproductive technologies have engendered new familial arrangements, some of which challenge traditional assumptions about the relationship between biology and social roles. In this article, we report on the first survey ever conducted of parents of former egg and sperm donors. Twenty-two men and women participated in a survey conducted by the Donor Sibling Registry, a worldwide registry facilitating mutual- consent contact among donor offspring, their gamete donors, and other family members. We report on their feelings and thoughts on learning that their child donated gametes and on learning that they have a grandchild (or grandchildren) via gamete donation. We also examine what type of relationship, if any, participants have formed with their donor-conceived grandchildren, as well as their advice to other parents of donors. We conclude with questions and suggestions for future research into this newly emerging terrain of family relations.
"There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One is roots; the other wings." - Hodding Carter
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Fwd: New paper on Donor Grandparents!
Sara Axel
Begin forwarded message:
From: Wendy Kramer <wendy@donorsiblingregistry.com>
Date: July 11, 2013, 10:53:06 AM EDT
To: Wendy Kramer <wendy@donorsiblingregistry.com>
Subject: New paper on Donor Grandparents!
The Journal of Family Issues, May 2013: A New Path to Grandparenthood: Parents of Egg and Sperm Donors. Diane Beeson, Patricia Jennings, Wendy Kramer.
"...third-party reproduction has implications not only for the donor, recipients, and offspring, but also for the parents of donors, who in increasing numbers are learning that they are the biological grandparents of one, or sometimes many, children born outside of their family. In this article we examine this new path to grandparenthood by reviewing some of the social processes that have led to the emergence of this phenomenon."
Abstract
Assisted reproductive technologies have engendered new familial arrangements, some of which challenge traditional assumptions about the relationship between biology and social roles. In this article, we report on the first survey ever conducted of parents of former egg and sperm donors. Twenty-two men and women participated in a survey conducted by the Donor Sibling Registry, a worldwide registry facilitating mutual- consent contact among donor offspring, their gamete donors, and other family members. We report on their feelings and thoughts on learning that their child donated gametes and on learning that they have a grandchild (or grandchildren) via gamete donation. We also examine what type of relationship, if any, participants have formed with their donor-conceived grandchildren, as well as their advice to other parents of donors. We conclude with questions and suggestions for future research into this newly emerging terrain of family relations.
"There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One is roots; the other wings." - Hodding Carter
<Beeson et al 2013.pdf>
Fwd: Nottingham, UK: Donor Conception Network conference, Sept 21
Sara Axel
Begin forwarded message:
From: Diane Allen <DianeAllen@InfertilityNetwork.org>
Date: July 11, 2013, 4:23:53 PM EDT
To: Sara <saxel95@aol.com>
Subject: Nottingham, UK: Donor Conception Network conference, Sept 21
DONOR CONCEPTION NETWORK
Autumn Conference
Sat, Sept 21, 10am-4.30pm. Nottingham, UK
Adult Programme
* Your family & the donor: Ken Daniels, author of 'Building a Family with
the Assistance of Donor Insemination'; New Zealand social work professor who
has written more extensively & accessibly about donor conception families
donors & offspring than anyone else worldwide. Q&A
* Morning discussion groups (introductions & an opportunity to talk about
the content of the main morning session)
* DCN 20th Anniversary Film
* Relative Strangers: Petra Nordqvist will give a presentation on her
research project which explores how parents and also wider family negotiate
and experience information sharing about donor conception. Q&A
* Afternoon discussion groups (on the topic of your choice)
Children's Workshops for 8-12yr Olds
For donor conceived children and non-dc siblings who would like to explore
donor conception issues in a fun and age-appropriate way. Facilitated by
qualified and experienced children¹s group leader, Sharon Pettle, and her
team.
Advance registration required.
Registration deadlines:
* Aug 30: children¹s workshop for 13-18yr olds - £25/child
* Sept 6: adult program - £25/adult (£10 unwaged), £10 per 13-18yr old
* Sept 6: childcare, £15/child (free for unwaged)
Please bring a picnic lunch for your family.
Drinks & biscuits available free.
Info/Register:
* 020 7278 2608
* enquiries@dcnetwork.org
* http://www.dcnetwork.org
Fwd: 'The World of ART', Nov 10, Charleston, SC
Sara Axel
Begin forwarded message:
From: Diane Allen <DianeAllen@InfertilityNetwork.org>
Date: July 11, 2013, 4:23:23 PM EDT
To: Sara <saxel95@aol.com>
Subject: 'The World of ART', Nov 10, Charleston, SC
The World of Assisted Reproductive Technology - A Global Approach to Family
Formation in the United States and Abroad
Charleston, South Carolina. November 10 - 12, 2013.
Topics include:
* Egg banking & legal considerations
* LGBT family formation
* Psychological perspectives
* Medical overview, update & legal considerations
* International ART issues including the Hague Conference
* Statutory & case law updates
* Constitutional issues presented by ART
* Marriage, divorce, death & ART
* International coordination among ART professionals
* Ethical considerations in ART
Presented by the:
* American Academy of Adoption Attorneys (AAAA)
* American Academy of Assisted Reproductive Technology Attorneys (AAARTA)
Info/Register: http://www.aaarta.org/2013_Mid-Year/conference.htm
Saturday, July 6, 2013
DSR Research | Donor Sibling Registry
Sara Axel
516-967-7430
Sent from my iPhone
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
BioNews - Australian known sperm donor granted parenthood
Sara Axel
516-967-7430
Sent from my iPhone


