Fwd: free telecoaching workshop Wednesday February 27, 2013

Sara Axel

516-967-7430

Sent from my iPhone

Begin forwarded message:

From: Patricia Mendell <pmendell@hseny.com>
Date: February 24, 2013, 9:02:27 PM EST
To: Patricia Mendell <pmendell@hseny.com>
Subject: free telecoaching workshop  Wednesday February 27, 2013

Please share with your patients, clients, friends and peers :

 

  You're Invited to a FREE Telephone Coaching Support Group on  Wednesday, February 27, 2013

 

Adoption and Egg/Sperm/Embryo Donation 

What You Need to Know When Considering  

These Family Building Choices  

 

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Knowing when it's time to consider egg/sperm/embryo donation and/or adoption is never easy. Even more challenging for each person is coming to a decision about which of these family building options is right for you. 

 

During this one-hour group conference call, you will receive information about:

 

• How to know when it is time to consider donation and/or adoption
• How to decide which option is right for you: looking at the pros and cons
• Knowing the medical/ psychological implications of each option
• The costs of adoption and donation
• What to do when partners are not in agreement

You will also have the opportunity to ask questions and share information that can help you move forward with your goals to have or complete your family.  

 

WHEN: Wednesday, February 27, 2013

WHERE: Telephone Conference Line (call-in information will be given at time of registration)

TIME: 9:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. Eastern Time  

FACILITATORS: Patricia Mendell, LCSW and Carolyn Berger LCSW

COST: FREE!

 

Registration limited to the first 15 responders who also send information regarding their particular situation and any questions they would like addressed.

 

For further information and to register contact:

Patricia Mendell pmendell@aol.com, 212-819-1778

Carolyn Berger cnberger@optonline.net: 914-834-6396

 

Patricia Mendell, L.C.S.W. is a clinical social worker in private practice in Manhattan and Brooklyn. As a current member of the board of The American Fertility Association (AFA) and its former Co-Chair, she has co-authored numerous AFA fact sheets including, Talking with Children about Ovum Donation and Sperm Donation. She is also a member of the AFA Mental Health Advisory Council. Patricia facilitates a monthly Family Building Network Support Group for families formed through assisted conception. She has written and spoken extensively on numerous topics regarding the emotional impact of infertility, coping strategies and decision making in family building, including donation and surrogacy, disclosure and tools for talking about family origins, multi-fetal reduction and pregnancy loss. As a parent, infertility and pregnancy loss survivor, Patricia is well aware of the impact decision making choices have on people's lives as they seek to build their families and begin their new roles as parents.

 

Carolyn Berger, LCSW is a clinical social worker in private practice in Westchester and at NY Fertility Services in Manhattan. She is Founding Board Chair of The American Fertility Association and Chair of its Adoption Advisory Council. She frequently counsels couples and individuals who are at the "fork in the road," trying to decide between more fertility options and adoption. She leads a group at The LGBT Center in Manhattan for individuals who are interested in learning more about their family building options. Carolyn is the parent of two sons, one through reproductive technology and the other through adoption. She is often asked to speak about "blended families."

   

 

Free Teleconference January 17, 2013

You're Invited to a FREE Telephone Coaching Support Group on  January 17, 2013  Donor Gametes, the Next Generation: Caring for Our Children Are you considering the use of donor sperm, egg, or embryo to create children? Or, are you already parenting children created by donor sperm, egg, or embryo?    During this one hour group conference call, you will receive information on:  · The pros and cons of disclosure to children of their genetic origin   · What and when to share this information with children if you so choose · How or whether to share this information with family or friends · Questions you may have if you have already begun to share this information You will also have the opportunity to share information and support one another in making the decision about disclosure and find out just how and what to say at what age when you begin to talk with your child and others. Come hear what both professionals and other parents have learned through their own experiences and work with families created through donor conception.    WHEN: Thursday, January 17, 2013 WHERE: Telephone Conference Line (call-in information will be given at time of registration) TIME: 9:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. Eastern time FACILITATORS: Joann Paley Galst, Ph.D. and Patricia Mendell, L.C.S.W. COST: FREE! Registration limited to the first 15 responders who also send information regarding their particular situation and any questions they would like addressed. For further information and to register contact: Joann Paley Galst jgalst@aol.com , 212-759-2783     or Patricia Mendell pmendell@aol.com, 212-819-1778 Facilitator Bios: Joann Paley Galst, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice in New York City specializing in mind-body medicine and reproductive health issues, including infertility, third party reproduction, pregnancy loss, and pregnancy and parenting after infertility. She is a past Chairperson of the Mental Health Professional Group of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine and is currently the Chair of the Mental Health Advisory Board and Co-director of Support Services for the American Fertility Association. She is the author of numerous articles on infertility and co-author of the book, Ethical Dilemmas in Fertility Counseling, published by the American Psychological Association. In her work with individuals, couples, and groups, she believes that good family building decision-making starts with well-substantiated facts and clarification of one's feelings and aims to help clients strengthen their confidence and resilience so that they can cope most effectively with their fertility treatment and become the parents they strive to be.   Patricia Mendell, L.C.S.W. is a clinical social worker in private practice in Manhattan and Brooklyn. As a current member of the board of The American Fertility Association (AFA) and its former Co-Chair, she has co-authored numerous AFA fact sheets including, Talking with Children about Ovum Donation and Sperm Donation. She is also a member of the AFA Mental Health Advisory Board. Patricia facilitates a monthly Family Building Network Support Group for families formed through assisted conception. She has written and spoken extensively on numerous topics regarding the emotional impact of infertility, coping strategies and decision making in family building, including donation and surrogacy, disclosure and tools for talking about family origins, multi-fetal reduction and pregnancy loss. As a parent, infertility and pregnancy loss survivor, Patricia is well aware of the impact decision making choices have on people's lives as they seek to build their families and begin their new roles as parents. Through her years of experience, Patricia has found that the challenges of family life often come as a surprise, bringing doubts to even the most secure individuals and relationships. Parenting tools can be learned through coaching and counseling methods that can establish the self-confidence needed to create meaningful family connections that support their children's dreams, establish clear limits, and allow for healthy discussions with their children and others about their family beginnings.

IAC Workshops

January 2013   Happy New Year! Please see our list of our upcoming workshops below. 2013 IAC Center Workshops        January Baby Care for Adoptive Parents - Montclair, NJ   February    Transracial Adoptive Family Issues- Montclair, NJ   March   How to Talk to a Child About Adoption: Infancy to 11 Years - Montclair, NJ     April   Parenting the Older Adopted Child - Montclair, NJ  Baby Care for Adoptive Parents - Montclair, NJ May    Understanding Open Adoption Today- Pennington, NJ Baby Care for Intended Parents through Surrogacy -Montclair, NJ: We hope to see you at one of our upcoming events!    IAC Center Director Counseling offers a non-biased overview of family building options to facilitate individuals and couples in making timely decisions that are mindful of long term implications. Using a life-long short-term counseling model, counseling is available throughout the adoption life cycle for all adoption triad members.

FAMILY BUILDING NETWORK MONTHLY SUPPORT GROUP MEETING Thursday, January 10, 2013 7-8:30PM

FAMILY BUILDING NETWORK

MONTHLY  SUPPORT GROUP MEETING

 Thursday, January 10, 2013

 7-8:30PM

The FBN is a monthly support group that brings together families formed with the help of egg/sperm/embryo donation and/or surrogacy as well as parents-to-be; giving them the opportunity to ask questions, get answers to their concerns, share experiences and feel supported.

The decision to parent with the help of donors/surrogates involves multiple choices. Many parents are unsure whether they should tell their children about their conception. Even for those who make the decision to tell, the uncertainty of  how and when to begin this conversation can often result in years passing by and children not being told about their genetic origins.  Fear of “doing it wrong” or “being rejected” by their children seems to become the biggest roadblocks to talking and sharing.  

The monthly FBN meetings provide a safe and comfortable place where you need not feel alone or different.  Often, listening and sharing stories with others can give parents the confidence needed to not only start the talk with their children and others, but continue to grow the conversation.  

Discussions will  include:
·        Tools for talking about donor conception with children   ·        The importance of language in the disclosure story ·        How to answer questions from your child and others ·        How children's questions change over time ·        The latest books for parents and children
	Date: Time: Cost: Location: Contact:	Thursday, January 10,2013 7:00-8:30 pm $25 per person, $40 per family 902 Broadway (between 20th-21st Sts. next to 920 Broadway), 13th Floor, NYC 10010 Patricia Mendell, LCSW, 212-819-1778 www.patriciamendell.com

Upcoming Dates: 2/7/13,  3/7/13,  4/4/13,  5/2/13

Presentation on "Fertility Issues for Lesbians"

Carolyn Berger, LCSW will be presenting on "Fertility Issues for Lesbians" at The Institute for Human Identity (IHI) in NYC on Wednesday, January 30th at 6 pm. To make a reservation, e-mail ihicenter@gmail.com or call 212-243-2870. FREE. 

Opening up a Conversation about Disclosure

Opening up a Conversation about Disclosure

Presented by

Nancy Freeman-Carroll, PsyD

January 10, 2013; 7:30 pm – 9:00 pm

NIP Conference Room; 250 West 57^th Street, Suite 501; NYC

In the US and across the globe, there is increasing pressure for families to communicate the facts of assisted conception to their children.  However, worldwide, many recipients of donor gametes continue to choose NOT to inform their children about the unique way they came to be.  As psychoanalysts, we have much to offer these families, to help them understand the internal pressures, fears, and fantasies that influence this behavior.  It is useful to understand "disclosing" information about donor gametes as a developmental process of communication between parents, and between parents and children.  This on-going, potentially life-long, process includes both parents' and children's capacities to differentiate their emotional experiences, and hold onto ambiguities and ambivalent feelings about the role of the donor in their lives. 

Nancy Freeman-Carroll, PsyD, is a psychologist-psychoanalyst in private practice in Manhattan.  Dr. Freeman-Carroll is a faculty member and a supervising analyst at the White Institute, and a former faculty member at ICP, MIP, and NIP.  She is a member of the Mental Health Professional Group of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, and has presented at their annual meetings.  She also has expertise in infant development, adjustments to infertility, and family-building with assisted conception.

Learn more and register online at http://www.nipinst.org/nip/training/events/initiative_opening_up_a_conversation_about_disclosure/ .

NIP - Talk on 1/10/13 - Info Needed for This Talk

By Dr Nancy Freeman - Carroll

I'm interested in understanding how women (and men) think about assisted conception, as their children grow.

Can you tell me how often you find yourself thinking about assisted conception  (i.e.:  either thinking about the donor, or the fact that you needed to use a donor, or what the donor's genes may have contributed to who your child is, etc.)

What sort of thoughts about assisted conception are most prominent for you?

Privacy and cultural or religious reasons are often mentioned by families who choose NOT to speak with their children about assisted conception.  Many families are concerned about negative consequences for their children, should they or anyone else know they were conceived with assisted conception.

Can you explain the main reason that is important for you?  In what ways do you believe you are protecting your child's best interests?

What negative consequences do you believe might come if they were to know about assisted conception?

Can you imagine, in a perfect world, any different circumstances that would lead you to speak with your children about assisted conception?

How would you describe your relationship with your child?   How do you

imagine your relationship might change if your child knew about assisted conception?

Do you have any questions about why some families DO talk about assisted conception?  Any other questions?

 Please email your replies to Saxel95@aol.com

Family Building Network 1/10/13, 2/7,3/7,4/4,5/2

FAMILY BUILDING NETWORK

MONTHLY  SUPPORT GROUP MEETING

 Thursday, January 10, 2013

 7-8:30PM

The FBN is a monthly support group that brings together families formed with the help of egg/sperm/embryo donation and/or surrogacy as well as parents-to-be; giving them the opportunity to ask questions, get answers to their concerns, share experiences and feel supported.

The decision to parent with the help of donors/surrogates involves multiple choices. Many parents are unsure whether they should tell their children about their conception. Even for those who make the decision to tell, the uncertainty of  how and when to begin this conversation can often result in years passing by and children not being told about their genetic origins.  Fear of “doing it wrong” or “being rejected” by their children seems to become the biggest roadblocks to talking and sharing.  

The monthly FBN meetings provide a safe and comfortable place where you need not feel alone or different.  Often, listening and sharing stories with others can give parents the confidence needed to not only start the talk with their children and others, but continue to grow the conversation.  

Discussions will  include:
·        Tools for talking about donor conception with children   ·        The importance of language in the disclosure story ·        How to answer questions from your child and others ·        How children's questions change over time ·        The latest books for parents and children
	Date: Time: Cost: Location: Contact:	Thursday, January 10,2013 7:00-8:30 pm $25 per person, $40 per family 902 Broadway (between 20th-21st Sts. next to 920 Broadway), 13th Floor, NYC 10010 Patricia Mendell, LCSW, 212-819-1778 www.patriciamendell.com

Upcoming Dates: 2/7/13,  3/7/13,  4/4/13,  5/2/13

Parenting After Assisted Reproduction: What You Wanted to Know But Were Afraid to Ask

Nancy Freeman-Carroll, Psy.D.

On Monday, October 1, 2012, the William Alanson White Institute Parent Center presented an evening discussion for parents, mental health professionals, and educators entitled:

Parenting After Assisted Reproduction:

What You Wanted to Know But Were Afraid to Ask

I participated in this panel discussion, along with my colleagues Allison Rosen and Anne Malave.  What follows is a summary of my part in the panel, “Thinking about Disclosure:  Some ideas about what to talk about, when and how (Including videos to watch on YouTube!).”

It’s not uncommon… Parents worry about how to talk about assisted conception with their kids, with their family and friends, with their kids’ friends, teachers, classmates, etc.  In my experience, nearly everyone who uses egg donation, at some point, wants to know how to talk about it, and even if they begin talking, they have questions down the line, as their kids grow, about what to say next, or how often to talk about it.  So, you, too, may find yourself up late (or very early) searching online for more information about talking about Assisted Conception. 

The Internet can offer too much information or you can find information antagonistic to the choice of assisted conception, so I would like to suggest a useful shortcut.   Try going straight to Johnson & Johnson Health Channel (full disclosure: I have no relationship to this organization) – and look for Egg Donor Child.  You will find a video interview of Allegra and also a video of her with her mother.   Allegra and her twin brother were the first children born from egg donation in New Jersey; she is an articulate young adult who speaks to many concerns about disclosure.

I’d like to use Allegra’s interview to talk about disclosure and why it is important.

Here are three things Allegra says that I think should be highlighted:

1.  “I’ve known I was conceived via egg donation for as long as I can remember.”

2.  “I don’t know very much about the donor…I kind of like keeping it in my imagination, like a mystery – cause it is a mystery and a miracle that I was born…”

3.  “I’m not genetically connected to my mother, but we are very much alike”

Allegra was told about her conception via donor egg at such a young age that she can’t remember much about a time when she didn’t know this about herself.  Simply, this information has been with her, and her understanding of it has grown as she developed.  Children learn about all sorts of things that make up their identity in much the same way, for example, who is in their family, what gender they are, and what values matter in their family.

The main advantage of early disclosure is clear:  there is time to learn about assisted conception as children grow.  In a perfect world, parents should try speaking about their choice of assisted conception from the very beginning, even before their children can understand what they are talking about.  The main resistance to talking about donor conception is parent’s discomfort.  The easiest way for parent’s to address their feelings about talking is to try it, and repeat it, again, and again.

Children approach this subject and others that parents might find difficult, like how are babies made, with curiosity and interest; they have no preconceptions about what is the right or normal way to be conceived or who is in a family.  Adults have to come to terms with their life stories so that they can speak of them more easily.

When parents can use the language of assisted conception in a matter of fact way (i.e.:  for you to be born we needed a sperm/ovum donor and that made it possible for you to be created) then they can add to the child’s understanding of reproduction as they grow up (i.e.:  We all come from the combination of ovum from a woman and sperm from a man.  These special cells have inside them information about how our bodies will grow). Talking easily about reproduction is a challenge for individuals who have struggled with infertility.  Starting early gives parents time to get used to telling their story. 

Allegra’s mother choose to tell her kids at around age three, using a moment when someone complimented them on their swimming – she chose this because it provided an example of something that she felt differentiated herself (and in this case her husband too) and her children –she could confidently say – Daddy and I can’t do this, but you can, and your donor could too (she was a life guard) – you and your donor are alike in this way.  Young children can learn that there is another person who was involved in their creation, without really understanding what this means, and parents can help them gain real understanding of the fact of donor gametes as they grow more sophisticated in their thinking about reproduction and genetics.  There are many moments in life that leave room for this kind of conversation – all the most obvious aspects of appearance –many of which have a clear genetic component, such as eye color –create space to introduce the donor. 

Early talking erases the problem of finding the “perfect” time to talk about assisted conception – but timing also matters in how often and when you talk about the donor.  As with most of life, moderation is key—not too much, but also, not  never!  All children need room to identify with their parents, and in usual, loving situations, they will, no matter what they know about the genetic connections they have or do not have with a parent.  Allegra, for example, emphasizes how she and her mother are very much alike, even though they look completely different!  She also de-emphasizes what she knows about the donor (minimal info typical of an anonymous donor), and chooses instead to fashion something positive and wonderful from this problematic mystery.

In many families, where donors are anonymous, parents have no choice but to present their children with this special problem:  the donor is a specific person who gave a very special part that made your birth possible, AND we may never know more about that person or more about that special part, her DNA.  This conundrum is a unique benefit of disclosure!  As kids grow and gradually understand DNA and genetics, they will learn that we know some things (i.e.: DNA is important) and other things are a mystery (i.e.: how environment—in utero, early, later, etc.—interacts with genetics from moment one throughout life).  Who we become is mysterious and miraculous!  Children who have the opportunity to talk about this with their parents from a young age are getting early training in how to hold contradictory and complex ideas in mind, and this is a great life skill.

Stay tuned for a follow-up panel discussion, again at the White Institute, including myself and colleagues, on January 30, 2013!  In the meantime, I can be contacted at drnancyfreemancarroll@gmail.com or 212-6650442.

Family Building Network - Support Group Led by Patricia Mendell LCSW

FAMILY BUILDING NETWORK

MONTHLY  SUPPORT GROUP MEETING

 Thursday, December 6, 2012

 7-8:30PM

The FBN is a monthly support group that brings together families formed with the help of egg/sperm/embryo donation and/or surrogacy as well as parents-to-be; giving them the opportunity to ask questions, get answers to their concerns, share experiences and feel supported.

The decision to parent with the help of donors/surrogates involves multiple choices. Many parents are unsure whether they should tell their children about their conception. Even for those who make the decision to tell, the uncertainty of  how and when to begin this conversation can often result in years passing by and children not being told about their genetic origins.  Fear of “doing it wrong” or “being rejected” by their children seems to become the biggest roadblocks to talking and sharing.  

The monthly FBN meetings provide a safe and comfortable place where you need not feel alone or different.  Often, listening and sharing stories with others can give parents the confidence needed to not only start the talk with their children and others, but continue to grow the conversation.  

Discussions will  include:
·        Tools for talking about donor conception with children   ·        The importance of language in the disclosure story ·        How to answer questions from your child and others ·        How children's questions change over time ·        The latest books for parents and children
	Date: Time: Cost: Location: Contact:	Thursday, December 6, 2012 7:00-8:30 pm $25 per person, $40 per family 902 Broadway (between 20th-21st Sts. next to 920 Broadway), 13th Floor, NYC 10010 Patricia Mendell, LCSW, 212-819-1778 www.patriciamendell.com