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The NYC Gathering
Our Community
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Free Teleconference January 17, 2013
IAC Workshops
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Tuesday, January 8, 2013
FAMILY BUILDING NETWORK MONTHLY SUPPORT GROUP MEETING Thursday, January 10, 2013 7-8:30PM
FAMILY
BUILDING NETWORK
MONTHLY SUPPORT GROUP MEETING
Thursday,
January 10, 2013
7-8:30PM
The FBN is a monthly support
group that brings together families formed
with the help of egg/sperm/embryo donation and/or surrogacy as well as parents-to-be; giving
them the opportunity to ask questions, get answers to their concerns, share
experiences and feel supported.
The decision to parent with the
help of donors/surrogates involves multiple choices. Many parents are unsure
whether they should tell their children about their conception. Even for those
who make the decision to tell, the uncertainty of how and when to begin this conversation can often
result in years passing by and children not being told about their genetic
origins. Fear of “doing it wrong” or
“being rejected” by their children seems to become the biggest roadblocks to
talking and sharing.
The monthly FBN meetings provide
a safe and comfortable place where you need not feel alone or different. Often, listening and sharing stories with
others can give parents the confidence needed to not only start the talk with
their children and others, but continue to grow the conversation.
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Discussions
will include:
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·
Tools for
talking about donor conception with children
·
The importance
of language in the disclosure story
·
How to answer
questions from your child and others
·
How children's questions
change over time
·
The latest
books for parents and children
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Date:
Time:
Cost:
Location:
Contact:
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Thursday, January 10,2013
7:00-8:30 pm
$25 per person, $40 per family
902
Broadway (between 20th-21st Sts. next to
920
Broadway), 13th Floor, NYC 10010
Patricia
Mendell, LCSW, 212-819-1778
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Upcoming Dates: 2/7/13, 3/7/13, 4/4/13, 5/2/13
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Presentation on "Fertility Issues for Lesbians"
Carolyn
Berger, LCSW will be presenting on "Fertility Issues
for Lesbians" at The Institute for Human Identity (IHI) in NYC on
Wednesday, January 30th at 6 pm. To make a reservation, e-mail ihicenter@gmail.com or call 212-243-2870.
FREE.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Opening up a Conversation about Disclosure
Opening up a Conversation about Disclosure
Presented
by
Nancy Freeman-Carroll, PsyD
January
10, 2013; 7:30 pm – 9:00 pm
NIP
Conference Room; 250 West 57th Street, Suite 501; NYC
In
the US and across the globe, there is increasing pressure for families to
communicate the facts of assisted conception to their children. However,
worldwide, many recipients of donor gametes continue to choose NOT to inform
their children about the unique way they came to be. As psychoanalysts,
we have much to offer these families, to help them understand the internal
pressures, fears, and fantasies that influence this behavior. It is
useful to understand "disclosing" information about donor gametes as
a developmental process of communication between parents, and between parents
and children. This on-going, potentially life-long, process includes both
parents' and children's capacities to differentiate their emotional
experiences, and hold onto ambiguities and ambivalent feelings about the role
of the donor in their lives.
Nancy
Freeman-Carroll, PsyD, is a psychologist-psychoanalyst in private
practice in Manhattan. Dr. Freeman-Carroll is a faculty member and a
supervising analyst at the White Institute, and a former faculty member at ICP,
MIP, and NIP. She is a member of the Mental Health Professional Group of
the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, and has presented at their
annual meetings. She also has expertise in infant development,
adjustments to infertility, and family-building with assisted conception.
Learn
more and register online at http://www.nipinst.org/nip/training/events/initiative_opening_up_a_conversation_about_disclosure/
.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
NIP - Talk on 1/10/13 - Info Needed for This Talk
By Dr Nancy Freeman - Carroll
I'm interested in understanding how women (and men) think
about assisted conception, as their children grow.
Can you tell me how often you find yourself thinking
about assisted conception (i.e.: either thinking about the donor, or the fact
that you needed to use a donor, or what the donor's genes may have contributed
to who your child is, etc.)
What sort of thoughts about assisted conception are most
prominent for you?
Privacy and cultural or religious reasons are often
mentioned by families who choose NOT to speak with their children about
assisted conception. Many families are
concerned about negative consequences for their children, should they or anyone
else know they were conceived with assisted conception.
Can you explain the main reason that is important for
you? In what ways do you believe you are
protecting your child's best interests?
What negative consequences do you believe might come if
they were to know about assisted conception?
Can you imagine, in a perfect world, any different
circumstances that would lead you to speak with your children about assisted
conception?
How would you describe your relationship with your
child? How do you
imagine your relationship might change if your child knew
about assisted conception?
Do you have any questions about why some families DO talk
about assisted conception? Any other
questions?
Family Building Network 1/10/13, 2/7,3/7,4/4,5/2
FAMILY
BUILDING NETWORK
MONTHLY SUPPORT GROUP MEETING
Thursday,
January 10, 2013
7-8:30PM
The FBN is a monthly support
group that brings together families formed
with the help of egg/sperm/embryo donation and/or surrogacy as well as parents-to-be; giving
them the opportunity to ask questions, get answers to their concerns, share
experiences and feel supported.
The decision to parent with the
help of donors/surrogates involves multiple choices. Many parents are unsure
whether they should tell their children about their conception. Even for those
who make the decision to tell, the uncertainty of how and when to begin this conversation can often
result in years passing by and children not being told about their genetic
origins. Fear of “doing it wrong” or
“being rejected” by their children seems to become the biggest roadblocks to
talking and sharing.
The monthly FBN meetings provide
a safe and comfortable place where you need not feel alone or different. Often, listening and sharing stories with
others can give parents the confidence needed to not only start the talk with
their children and others, but continue to grow the conversation.
Discussions
will include:
|
||
·
Tools for
talking about donor conception with children
·
The importance
of language in the disclosure story
·
How to answer
questions from your child and others
·
How children's questions
change over time
·
The latest
books for parents and children
|
||
Date:
Time:
Cost:
Location:
Contact:
|
Thursday, January 10,2013
7:00-8:30 pm
$25 per person, $40 per family
902
Broadway (between 20th-21st Sts. next to
920
Broadway), 13th Floor, NYC 10010
Patricia
Mendell, LCSW, 212-819-1778
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Parenting After Assisted Reproduction: What You Wanted to Know But Were Afraid to Ask
Nancy Freeman-Carroll, Psy.D.
On Monday, October 1, 2012, the
William Alanson White Institute Parent Center presented an evening discussion
for parents, mental health professionals, and educators entitled:
Parenting After Assisted
Reproduction:
What You Wanted to Know But Were
Afraid to Ask
I participated in this panel discussion,
along with my colleagues Allison Rosen and Anne Malave. What follows is a
summary of my part in the panel, “Thinking about Disclosure: Some ideas
about what to talk about, when and how (Including videos to watch on
YouTube!).”
It’s not uncommon… Parents worry about how
to talk about assisted conception with their kids, with their family and
friends, with their kids’ friends, teachers, classmates, etc. In my
experience, nearly everyone who uses egg donation, at some point, wants to know
how to talk about it, and even if they begin talking, they have questions down
the line, as their kids grow, about what to say next, or how often to talk
about it. So, you, too, may find yourself up late (or very early)
searching online for more information about talking about Assisted
Conception.
The Internet can offer too much
information or you can find information antagonistic to the choice of assisted
conception, so I would like to suggest a useful shortcut. Try going
straight to Johnson & Johnson Health Channel (full disclosure: I have no relationship
to this organization) – and look for Egg Donor Child. You will find a
video interview of Allegra and also a video of her with her mother.
Allegra and her twin brother were the first children born from egg donation in
New Jersey; she is an articulate young adult who speaks to many concerns about disclosure.
I’d like to use Allegra’s interview to
talk about disclosure and why it is important.
Here are three things Allegra says that I
think should be highlighted:
1. “I’ve known I was conceived via
egg donation for as long as I can remember.”
2. “I don’t know very much about the
donor…I kind of like keeping it in my imagination, like a mystery – cause it is
a mystery and a miracle that I was born…”
3. “I’m not genetically connected to
my mother, but we are very much alike”
Allegra was told about her conception via
donor egg at such a young age that she can’t remember much about a time when
she didn’t know this about herself. Simply, this information has been
with her, and her understanding of it has grown as she developed. Children
learn about all sorts of things that make up their identity in much the same
way, for example, who is in their family, what gender they are, and what values
matter in their family.
The main advantage of early disclosure is
clear: there is time to learn about assisted conception as children
grow. In a perfect world, parents should try speaking about their choice
of assisted conception from the very beginning, even before their children can
understand what they are talking about. The main resistance to talking
about donor conception is parent’s discomfort. The easiest way for
parent’s to address their feelings about talking is to try it, and repeat it,
again, and again.
Children approach this subject and others
that parents might find difficult, like how are babies made, with curiosity and
interest; they have no preconceptions about what is the right or normal way to
be conceived or who is in a family. Adults have to come to terms with
their life stories so that they can speak of them more easily.
When parents can use the language of
assisted conception in a matter of fact way (i.e.: for you to be born we
needed a sperm/ovum donor and that made it possible for you to be created) then
they can add to the child’s understanding of reproduction as they grow up
(i.e.: We all come from the combination of ovum from a woman and sperm
from a man. These special cells have inside them information about how
our bodies will grow). Talking easily about reproduction is a challenge for
individuals who have struggled with infertility. Starting early gives
parents time to get used to telling their story.
Allegra’s mother choose to tell her kids
at around age three, using a moment when someone complimented them on their
swimming – she chose this because it provided an example of something that she
felt differentiated herself (and in this case her husband too) and her children
–she could confidently say – Daddy and I can’t do this, but you can, and your
donor could too (she was a life guard) – you and your donor are alike in this
way. Young children can learn that there is another person who was
involved in their creation, without really understanding what this means, and
parents can help them gain real understanding of the fact of donor gametes as
they grow more sophisticated in their thinking about reproduction and
genetics. There are many moments in life that leave room for this kind of
conversation – all the most obvious aspects of appearance –many of which have a
clear genetic component, such as eye color –create space to introduce the
donor.
Early talking erases the problem of
finding the “perfect” time to talk about assisted conception – but timing also
matters in how often and when you talk about the donor. As with most of
life, moderation is key—not too much, but also, not never! All
children need room to identify with their parents, and in usual, loving
situations, they will, no matter what they know about the genetic connections
they have or do not have with a parent. Allegra, for example, emphasizes
how she and her mother are very much alike, even though they look completely
different! She also de-emphasizes what she knows about the donor (minimal
info typical of an anonymous donor), and chooses instead to fashion something positive
and wonderful from this problematic mystery.
In many families, where donors are
anonymous, parents have no choice but to present their children with this
special problem: the donor is a specific person who gave a very special
part that made your birth possible, AND we may never know more about that
person or more about that special part, her DNA. This conundrum is a unique
benefit of disclosure! As kids grow and gradually understand DNA and
genetics, they will learn that we know some things (i.e.: DNA is important) and
other things are a mystery (i.e.: how environment—in utero, early, later,
etc.—interacts with genetics from moment one throughout life). Who we
become is mysterious and miraculous! Children who have the opportunity to
talk about this with their parents from a young age are getting early training
in how to hold contradictory and complex ideas in mind, and this is a great
life skill.
Stay tuned for a follow-up panel
discussion, again at the White Institute, including myself and colleagues, on
January 30, 2013! In the meantime, I can be contacted at drnancyfreemancarroll@gmail.com
or 212-6650442.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Family Building Network - Support Group Led by Patricia Mendell LCSW
FAMILY
BUILDING NETWORK
MONTHLY SUPPORT GROUP MEETING
Thursday,
December 6, 2012
7-8:30PM
The FBN is a monthly support
group that brings together families formed
with the help of egg/sperm/embryo donation and/or surrogacy as well as parents-to-be; giving
them the opportunity to ask questions, get answers to their concerns, share
experiences and feel supported.
The decision to parent with the
help of donors/surrogates involves multiple choices. Many parents are unsure
whether they should tell their children about their conception. Even for those
who make the decision to tell, the uncertainty of how and when to begin this conversation can often
result in years passing by and children not being told about their genetic
origins. Fear of “doing it wrong” or
“being rejected” by their children seems to become the biggest roadblocks to
talking and sharing.
The monthly FBN meetings provide
a safe and comfortable place where you need not feel alone or different. Often, listening and sharing stories with
others can give parents the confidence needed to not only start the talk with
their children and others, but continue to grow the conversation.
|
Discussions
will include:
|
||
|
·
Tools for
talking about donor conception with children
·
The importance
of language in the disclosure story
·
How to answer
questions from your child and others
·
How children's questions
change over time
·
The latest
books for parents and children
|
||
|
Date:
Time:
Cost:
Location:
Contact:
|
Thursday, December 6, 2012
7:00-8:30 pm
$25 per person, $40 per family
902
Broadway (between 20th-21st Sts. next to
920
Broadway), 13th Floor, NYC 10010
Patricia
Mendell, LCSW, 212-819-1778
|
|
Monday, November 26, 2012
New Group Forming
Psychotherapy Group
Women,
Infertility, and Assisted Conception
Infertility is a common life
crisis, affecting about 1 in 10 women.
Even in the best-case scenarios, when treatment leads to pregnancy, the
experience of infertility can shake up a woman’s sense of wellbeing and negatively
impact her life for years afterwards.
For many women, especially those under 35, the diagnosis of infertility
has dramatic consequences, including symptoms of anxiety and depression, as
well as shifts in deeply felt expectations of herself, of family, and of her
future.
It is now also normative for women
to postpone having children until they are more securely established in their
careers, or to consider becoming a single mother as a viable option to build a
family. These are important life choices
that often result in difficulty conceiving, which is typically more difficult
after age 35.
There are currently many medical
options available to women struggling with infertility, including IVF, and donor
assisted conception. However, there is little
support for the mental health issues resulting from these different procedures. Medical professionals rarely give enough
attention to the psychological and emotional impact of decisions about family
building, especially regarding the needs of children who are conceived in these
ways.
If you, or someone you know, are
interested in meeting with other women who have questions or concerns about
infertility and assisted conception, a psychotherapy group is being formed to address
life after infertility. Topics of
discussion will include why, when and how to share information with family,
friends, and children, as well as take account of the
distress often experienced in the course of creating a family.
Time: Thursdays 8:00-9:30pm
Location: 5 West 19th Street, 9th
Floor
(close
to the 2, 3, N, R lines and Union Square station)
For more information or to schedule a consultation, contact:
Nancy Freeman-Carroll, PsyD drnancyfreemancarroll@gmail.com
(212) 665-0442
or
Lisa Wallner Samstag, PhD lisa.samstag@liu.edu
(212) 633-1615
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