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Saturday, August 20, 2011

Thanks to Donor Diva -- on

The Donor Diva blogged:
"There is enough gray area in egg donation, sperm donation and surrogacy. Now when these children get older, they could hear that they were conceived with the intent of being sold? I hope they don't have to deal with that. I know there are enough hurdles for donor-conceived children."

But I think the children conceived through this situation WILL hear they were conceived with the intent of being sold AND what everyone on the internet thinks of the Surrogacy Scandal (The Baby-Selling Ring) and has thought of all of Third Party Reproduction long before today.

Donor Diva also asks how will donors feel. And I know its supposed to be "my kids story to tell" as per many, many parents and experts before me have said (and given me lears and warnings about). I, too, have put myself out there emotionally publicly, to say that this is OUR story to tell. If I waited until my kids were old enough to decide for themselves how public they wanted to be then I would be wrestling with "the increasingly blurring lines between secrecy and privacy" (see women's dinner group Donor Mom Dinner Recap - Discussion on DE Parenting and Disclosure post from May 6, 2010, click over there on the right) and perpetuating "don't ask, don't tell" that keeps most of Third Party Reproduction more in the closet than out. Unfortunately, Donor Diva, I think this effects all of us.

I've lost friends on facebook and elsewhere over TPR. They can't be friends with me for fear of being outted just by association, even though I have tons of ways to know someone that easily covers up the donor-conception connection they think others will make of it. Of the hundreds of people I've met this way,on line,on the phone, in person, just a few stay in touch because the association is too risky or simply too much to bear.

Donor Diva,keep up the great work, help us get the message out and when you meet anyone who might be up for the challenge of getting out there with us, please let them know that life as a parent and family through TPR may in fact be harder, but that we are working to make it BETTER. And that we WILL succeed.

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