His or Hers - Who Owns A Donor's Speem?

To me it's like trying to undo sex. What do you think?
http://www.haaretz.com/news/features/his-or-hers-who-owns-a-donor-s-sperm-1.505332


Sara Axel
516-967-7430
Sent from my iPhone

Sara Axel
516-967-7430
Sent from my iPhone

NYC Parents Dinner 4.23.13

Sara Axel
516-967-7430
Sent from my iPhone

Where Do Babies Come From? By Dr. Nancy Freeman-Carroll

By Nancy Freeman-Carroll, Psy.D.

Most parents get a little nervous the first time their young child asks the question, "Where do babies come from?" This question, and the answer, are both more complicated when the child asking was conceived with assisted conception—IVF, donor egg, or donor sperm. Although it often makes parents squirm, this inquiry is an important step in a child's awareness of himself and the people around him.

A typical first answer might be something like, "when two people love each other they can make a baby." This answer is simple--short and sweet.  For a preschooler, this is usually enough information to begin the ongoing conversation about intimacy, sexuality and family most parents hope to have with their children. The first words on the topic are not so straightforward for individuals who have struggled with infertility.

Briefly, assisted conception usually means the use of a donated gamete to conceive a child.  A gamete is a reproductive cell, such as a mature sperm or egg that is capable of joining with a gamete of the opposite sex to produce the fertilized egg that will grow into an embryo, then a fetus, and eventually become a baby.  Families choose donor gametes when there is no other way to conceive a child.  Some reasons for this include: infertility, which affects about 10% of the population; advanced maternal age (i.e. over 35); same-sex coupling; and the wish of an unpartnered person to have a child.

The American Society for Reproductive Medicine recommends families explain the use of assisted conception to their children.  When the need for donor gametes is most obvious (e.g. in families with gay or lesbian parents), children typically grow up knowing something about it.  Although many heterosexual families intend to tell their children, their qualms about how to start this conversation can get in the way.

Parents' concerns are understandable.  The discovery that one cannot conceive a child without a donor gamete is a life-altering event that is, at best, a significant emotional adjustment, and at worst, a trauma.  The acceptance of this reality can be slow and painful, and may remain unresolved even after a baby finally arrives.

Parents may postpone telling their children, friends or family because they worry that disclosure will be painful and stigmatizing, for their children, and for themselves.  However, when parents delay talking, they can miss the opportunity to make donor conception one of the basic things a child knows about herself from a young age.  In my experience, nearly everyone who uses donor conception has questions about how to talk about it with their kids.

When talking to a child about donor conception, I recommend the following:

- Start early. Talking with the child, even before she can understand, gives parents time to get used to telling their story; to identify and mange the painful feelings that remain attached to the decision to use donor conception. 

- Remember children will be curious.  Children will approach the idea of donor conception with interest because they have no preconceptions about what is the "right" or typical way to be conceived, or who is in a family.

- Explain that 3 things are needed to make a baby:

A special cell from a man or daddy that is called a sperm cell

A special cell from a woman or mommy that is called an egg or ovum cell.

A special place inside a woman's or a mommy's body where the baby will grow.

- Explain that sometimes these 3 parts come from the two people who will be the baby's parents AND sometimes another person is needed to help make the baby.  It is possible that two or more people may be needed to help make a baby.  We call these peoples donors.

- Identify what kind of donor was needed for your family.  Parents should emphasize their love for each other and their determination to create a family.  They can also introduce the known facts about the donor.

The advantage of early disclosure is clear: there is time for children to learn gradually about assisted conception, just as they learn about so many other things that define their families and themselves.  However, it is never too late to provide information about donor conception. 

Research conducted with adolescents suggests that teens told for the first time about their donor conception are able to empathize with their parents' effort to create a family. Teens recognized the difference between a parent and a donor, and awareness of donor conception did not change the role of the parents in their lives.  The teens asserted that children are entitled to this information because it's relevant to their identity. 

Families begin when parents conceive the idea of a child--the child grows first in the mind of the parent(s), in plans to get pregnant or obtain assistance to create a pregnancy, and in dreams for the future. When children ask "Where do babies come from," they are also inquiring about their parents' thoughts and feelings; they are asking, "how did you get ready for me?"  What they most want to hear from their parents is, "Listen, this is the story of how I began to think of you!  This is the beginning of our family."

Nancy Freeman-Carrol, Psy.D., is Supervising Analyst at the William Alanson White Institute and an active member of the Mental Health Professionals Group of the American Society of Reproductive Medicine. She is in private practice in Manhattan.

Sara Axel

516-967-7430

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Where Do Babies Come From? | Psychology Today

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemporary-psychoanalysis-in-action/201303/where-do-babies-come


Sara Axel
516-967-7430
Sent from my iPhone

Fwd: free telecoaching workshop Wednesday February 27, 2013

Sara Axel

516-967-7430

Sent from my iPhone

Begin forwarded message:

From: Patricia Mendell <pmendell@hseny.com>
Date: February 24, 2013, 9:02:27 PM EST
To: Patricia Mendell <pmendell@hseny.com>
Subject: free telecoaching workshop  Wednesday February 27, 2013

Please share with your patients, clients, friends and peers :

 

  You're Invited to a FREE Telephone Coaching Support Group on  Wednesday, February 27, 2013

 

Adoption and Egg/Sperm/Embryo Donation 

What You Need to Know When Considering  

These Family Building Choices  

 

<image003.jpg> 

 

Knowing when it's time to consider egg/sperm/embryo donation and/or adoption is never easy. Even more challenging for each person is coming to a decision about which of these family building options is right for you. 

 

During this one-hour group conference call, you will receive information about:

 

• How to know when it is time to consider donation and/or adoption
• How to decide which option is right for you: looking at the pros and cons
• Knowing the medical/ psychological implications of each option
• The costs of adoption and donation
• What to do when partners are not in agreement

You will also have the opportunity to ask questions and share information that can help you move forward with your goals to have or complete your family.  

 

WHEN: Wednesday, February 27, 2013

WHERE: Telephone Conference Line (call-in information will be given at time of registration)

TIME: 9:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. Eastern Time  

FACILITATORS: Patricia Mendell, LCSW and Carolyn Berger LCSW

COST: FREE!

 

Registration limited to the first 15 responders who also send information regarding their particular situation and any questions they would like addressed.

 

For further information and to register contact:

Patricia Mendell pmendell@aol.com, 212-819-1778

Carolyn Berger cnberger@optonline.net: 914-834-6396

 

Patricia Mendell, L.C.S.W. is a clinical social worker in private practice in Manhattan and Brooklyn. As a current member of the board of The American Fertility Association (AFA) and its former Co-Chair, she has co-authored numerous AFA fact sheets including, Talking with Children about Ovum Donation and Sperm Donation. She is also a member of the AFA Mental Health Advisory Council. Patricia facilitates a monthly Family Building Network Support Group for families formed through assisted conception. She has written and spoken extensively on numerous topics regarding the emotional impact of infertility, coping strategies and decision making in family building, including donation and surrogacy, disclosure and tools for talking about family origins, multi-fetal reduction and pregnancy loss. As a parent, infertility and pregnancy loss survivor, Patricia is well aware of the impact decision making choices have on people's lives as they seek to build their families and begin their new roles as parents.

 

Carolyn Berger, LCSW is a clinical social worker in private practice in Westchester and at NY Fertility Services in Manhattan. She is Founding Board Chair of The American Fertility Association and Chair of its Adoption Advisory Council. She frequently counsels couples and individuals who are at the "fork in the road," trying to decide between more fertility options and adoption. She leads a group at The LGBT Center in Manhattan for individuals who are interested in learning more about their family building options. Carolyn is the parent of two sons, one through reproductive technology and the other through adoption. She is often asked to speak about "blended families."

   

 

Fwd: free telecoaching workshop Wednesday February 27, 2013

Sara Axel

516-967-7430

Sent from my iPhone

Begin forwarded message:

From: Patricia Mendell <pmendell@hseny.com>
Date: February 24, 2013, 9:02:27 PM EST
To: Patricia Mendell <pmendell@hseny.com>
Subject: free telecoaching workshop  Wednesday February 27, 2013

Please share with your patients, clients, friends and peers :

 

  You're Invited to a FREE Telephone Coaching Support Group on  Wednesday, February 27, 2013

 

Adoption and Egg/Sperm/Embryo Donation 

What You Need to Know When Considering  

These Family Building Choices  

 

<image003.jpg> 

 

Knowing when it's time to consider egg/sperm/embryo donation and/or adoption is never easy. Even more challenging for each person is coming to a decision about which of these family building options is right for you. 

 

During this one-hour group conference call, you will receive information about:

 

• How to know when it is time to consider donation and/or adoption
• How to decide which option is right for you: looking at the pros and cons
• Knowing the medical/ psychological implications of each option
• The costs of adoption and donation
• What to do when partners are not in agreement

You will also have the opportunity to ask questions and share information that can help you move forward with your goals to have or complete your family.  

 

WHEN: Wednesday, February 27, 2013

WHERE: Telephone Conference Line (call-in information will be given at time of registration)

TIME: 9:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. Eastern Time  

FACILITATORS: Patricia Mendell, LCSW and Carolyn Berger LCSW

COST: FREE!

 

Registration limited to the first 15 responders who also send information regarding their particular situation and any questions they would like addressed.

 

For further information and to register contact:

Patricia Mendell pmendell@aol.com, 212-819-1778

Carolyn Berger cnberger@optonline.net: 914-834-6396

 

Patricia Mendell, L.C.S.W. is a clinical social worker in private practice in Manhattan and Brooklyn. As a current member of the board of The American Fertility Association (AFA) and its former Co-Chair, she has co-authored numerous AFA fact sheets including, Talking with Children about Ovum Donation and Sperm Donation. She is also a member of the AFA Mental Health Advisory Council. Patricia facilitates a monthly Family Building Network Support Group for families formed through assisted conception. She has written and spoken extensively on numerous topics regarding the emotional impact of infertility, coping strategies and decision making in family building, including donation and surrogacy, disclosure and tools for talking about family origins, multi-fetal reduction and pregnancy loss. As a parent, infertility and pregnancy loss survivor, Patricia is well aware of the impact decision making choices have on people's lives as they seek to build their families and begin their new roles as parents.

 

Carolyn Berger, LCSW is a clinical social worker in private practice in Westchester and at NY Fertility Services in Manhattan. She is Founding Board Chair of The American Fertility Association and Chair of its Adoption Advisory Council. She frequently counsels couples and individuals who are at the "fork in the road," trying to decide between more fertility options and adoption. She leads a group at The LGBT Center in Manhattan for individuals who are interested in learning more about their family building options. Carolyn is the parent of two sons, one through reproductive technology and the other through adoption. She is often asked to speak about "blended families."

   

 

Free Teleconference January 17, 2013

You're Invited to a FREE Telephone Coaching Support Group on  January 17, 2013  Donor Gametes, the Next Generation: Caring for Our Children Are you considering the use of donor sperm, egg, or embryo to create children? Or, are you already parenting children created by donor sperm, egg, or embryo?    During this one hour group conference call, you will receive information on:  · The pros and cons of disclosure to children of their genetic origin   · What and when to share this information with children if you so choose · How or whether to share this information with family or friends · Questions you may have if you have already begun to share this information You will also have the opportunity to share information and support one another in making the decision about disclosure and find out just how and what to say at what age when you begin to talk with your child and others. Come hear what both professionals and other parents have learned through their own experiences and work with families created through donor conception.    WHEN: Thursday, January 17, 2013 WHERE: Telephone Conference Line (call-in information will be given at time of registration) TIME: 9:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. Eastern time FACILITATORS: Joann Paley Galst, Ph.D. and Patricia Mendell, L.C.S.W. COST: FREE! Registration limited to the first 15 responders who also send information regarding their particular situation and any questions they would like addressed. For further information and to register contact: Joann Paley Galst jgalst@aol.com , 212-759-2783     or Patricia Mendell pmendell@aol.com, 212-819-1778 Facilitator Bios: Joann Paley Galst, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice in New York City specializing in mind-body medicine and reproductive health issues, including infertility, third party reproduction, pregnancy loss, and pregnancy and parenting after infertility. She is a past Chairperson of the Mental Health Professional Group of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine and is currently the Chair of the Mental Health Advisory Board and Co-director of Support Services for the American Fertility Association. She is the author of numerous articles on infertility and co-author of the book, Ethical Dilemmas in Fertility Counseling, published by the American Psychological Association. In her work with individuals, couples, and groups, she believes that good family building decision-making starts with well-substantiated facts and clarification of one's feelings and aims to help clients strengthen their confidence and resilience so that they can cope most effectively with their fertility treatment and become the parents they strive to be.   Patricia Mendell, L.C.S.W. is a clinical social worker in private practice in Manhattan and Brooklyn. As a current member of the board of The American Fertility Association (AFA) and its former Co-Chair, she has co-authored numerous AFA fact sheets including, Talking with Children about Ovum Donation and Sperm Donation. She is also a member of the AFA Mental Health Advisory Board. Patricia facilitates a monthly Family Building Network Support Group for families formed through assisted conception. She has written and spoken extensively on numerous topics regarding the emotional impact of infertility, coping strategies and decision making in family building, including donation and surrogacy, disclosure and tools for talking about family origins, multi-fetal reduction and pregnancy loss. As a parent, infertility and pregnancy loss survivor, Patricia is well aware of the impact decision making choices have on people's lives as they seek to build their families and begin their new roles as parents. Through her years of experience, Patricia has found that the challenges of family life often come as a surprise, bringing doubts to even the most secure individuals and relationships. Parenting tools can be learned through coaching and counseling methods that can establish the self-confidence needed to create meaningful family connections that support their children's dreams, establish clear limits, and allow for healthy discussions with their children and others about their family beginnings.

IAC Workshops

January 2013   Happy New Year! Please see our list of our upcoming workshops below. 2013 IAC Center Workshops        January Baby Care for Adoptive Parents - Montclair, NJ   February    Transracial Adoptive Family Issues- Montclair, NJ   March   How to Talk to a Child About Adoption: Infancy to 11 Years - Montclair, NJ     April   Parenting the Older Adopted Child - Montclair, NJ  Baby Care for Adoptive Parents - Montclair, NJ May    Understanding Open Adoption Today- Pennington, NJ Baby Care for Intended Parents through Surrogacy -Montclair, NJ: We hope to see you at one of our upcoming events!    IAC Center Director Counseling offers a non-biased overview of family building options to facilitate individuals and couples in making timely decisions that are mindful of long term implications. Using a life-long short-term counseling model, counseling is available throughout the adoption life cycle for all adoption triad members.

FAMILY BUILDING NETWORK MONTHLY SUPPORT GROUP MEETING Thursday, January 10, 2013 7-8:30PM

FAMILY BUILDING NETWORK

MONTHLY  SUPPORT GROUP MEETING

 Thursday, January 10, 2013

 7-8:30PM

The FBN is a monthly support group that brings together families formed with the help of egg/sperm/embryo donation and/or surrogacy as well as parents-to-be; giving them the opportunity to ask questions, get answers to their concerns, share experiences and feel supported.

The decision to parent with the help of donors/surrogates involves multiple choices. Many parents are unsure whether they should tell their children about their conception. Even for those who make the decision to tell, the uncertainty of  how and when to begin this conversation can often result in years passing by and children not being told about their genetic origins.  Fear of “doing it wrong” or “being rejected” by their children seems to become the biggest roadblocks to talking and sharing.  

The monthly FBN meetings provide a safe and comfortable place where you need not feel alone or different.  Often, listening and sharing stories with others can give parents the confidence needed to not only start the talk with their children and others, but continue to grow the conversation.  

Discussions will  include:
·        Tools for talking about donor conception with children   ·        The importance of language in the disclosure story ·        How to answer questions from your child and others ·        How children's questions change over time ·        The latest books for parents and children
	Date: Time: Cost: Location: Contact:	Thursday, January 10,2013 7:00-8:30 pm $25 per person, $40 per family 902 Broadway (between 20th-21st Sts. next to 920 Broadway), 13th Floor, NYC 10010 Patricia Mendell, LCSW, 212-819-1778 www.patriciamendell.com

Upcoming Dates: 2/7/13,  3/7/13,  4/4/13,  5/2/13

Presentation on "Fertility Issues for Lesbians"

Carolyn Berger, LCSW will be presenting on "Fertility Issues for Lesbians" at The Institute for Human Identity (IHI) in NYC on Wednesday, January 30th at 6 pm. To make a reservation, e-mail ihicenter@gmail.com or call 212-243-2870. FREE.